Have had many scenarios of trying to help a love one which i always thought that i had great empathy because i feel so sorry for what they are going through at those moments. But i got to realize that empathy is different from sympathy. In fact, average number of the people i thought i had empathy for was actually sympathy. I know you might have mistaken these two concepts before and maybe finally understood it, but if you are yet to understand, then i guess this post is for you.
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In the world we live today, sympathy is majorly expressed than empathy due to the fact that a major number of people are only willing to help other people if things are not going wrong in their lives. The economy is good, their job is perfect, a nice meal to eat, great health and many other pleasantries. But nothing is actually perfect anymore, the economy is always bad, unemployment rate is always on the hike and prices of consumer goods are always increasing. This alone has made people to be less empathetic because they depend on all these before they can lend help, so with all these, we are all left with the "S" word(sympathy). But a few number of people still have that empathy because their feelings of other people struggles are not dependent on any of the above constraints nor trait but a skill that has been developed along the years.
Sympathy vs Empathy
Sympathy is simply feeling sorry for someone else going through struggles. You feel sorry but you do nothing. But empathy is a verb, it is an action word which means that, it is not just feeling sorry but caring and sharing with someone else's problem. You are ready to put your self in those people shoes and get to understand how it feels. It doesn't stop at feelings but doing. So if you see an homeless person on the road, you feel sorry (that is sympathy) but when you do something about it which was driven by emotions within, that is empathy. Giving them some money or sweaters for cold is sharing with their struggle.
Sympathy has no sacrifice but empathy does. It makes you uncomfortable but you love it that way if you are already an empath. But if not, You might not like it now,but has you gradually see it as a skill to improve on, it will definitely get better from within.
How do you build your empathy
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I hear people say empathy is a trait, that statement is not far from a bullshit talk. Empathy is really a skill, however, it's most common with women.
I can remember telling a man in the bank that he had great empathy, i never knew that conversation will end in arguments. He replied with a weird look and told me that he is not an empath. Wasn't that suppose to be a compliment? I thought. To cut the story, i guess he felt weak when i said that. This is mostly based on the notion that empathy are for women not men(a bullshit talk again). Empathy can be built, it is a skill and it is not something that is just for women even if most women has it naturally especially with their kids, it can also be developed. This should not leave the men with that notion of sidelining empathy for just the women. We have horrible mothers and wives too who never shows any sign of empathy.
1)Stop Judging
This is one hell of a thing that can make you less empathetic, in fact you become very insensitive to people around you because your head is clouded in measuring people issues with "your" own scaler and when you begin to diagnose people problem with no prescriptions or help, then you are doom to fail in becoming empathetic .
Stop motivating, just Listen!
When i had breast operation, the only words i love to hear were people who were emotional as i was. People who saw my situation the way i saw it. People who are just there to listen to me and understood how i felt. Trust me, no matter the amount of motivational series I had those years, i never had great attention to them. I did not just naturally listen. To become great at this skill, do more of listening than talking. Until it is ideal to talk, then you can. Ask for permission before you give advice. For example, "Would you love to hear my view?"
3) Do Something!
I said earlier that empathy is an action word. So if you have a friend that is going through a divorce, instead of you motivating her not to get a divorce even when you know she has made up her mind, rather, you can make dinner for the both of you, go to the movies or just stay with her. That is you doing something rather than just talking. I got to even realize that best decisions are made when people have a balance state of mind. So if you know that one thing that could make them have a great feeling about themselves, they you just 70percent opened the room to air your advice, but until then, respect their decisions.
In summary, empathy is doing something about a situation you feel sorry about, sympathy is merely feeling sorry without doing anything. Which one do you desire to develop?