Hello beautiful people. In our lives, there is at least one person who we keep trying our best to bend over backward in an endless attempt to please.
Being able to spot this harmful behavior is the first step to mitigating the impact of what they want us to do.
You might not be able to change what or how they do what they do (because some are family members), but you can change how you respond to what they do, and you can escape the toxicity.
Toxic people figured out a long time ago that decent people will go to extraordinary lengths to keep people they care about happy and satisfied.
You must stop trying to please them. That is what they wanted from the start.
You are not responsible for anybody's feelings. If you have done something unknowingly to hurt somebody, ask, talk about it, and if need be, apologize. At any rate, you shouldn't have to guess.
TRAITS OF A TOXIC PERSON
1. They will keep you guessing. They'll be completely lovely one day and the next you'll be wondering about upsetting them. Most times, there is not a single reason - you just know something isn't right, when you ask if there's something wrong, they will answer 'nothing or don't worry'.
When this happens, you might find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to make them happy.
2. They will manipulate everything. Toxic people have a way of sending out a vibe that you owe them something once they know you are trying to please them. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, while making you feel they did you a favor. This is particularly common in workplaces or relationships where there is little or no responsibility or power balance.
You don't owe anybody anything. If it doesn't feel like a favor, it's not a favor.
3. They won't own their feelings.
When a toxic person is feeling something, they will make you think the feelings are yours. It's called projection. For example, someone who is angry but won't take responsibility will accuse you of being angry with them. It might be subtle, 'Are you okay with me?', 'Why are you angry at me,'. You'll find yourself justifying and defending and often this will go on forever - because it's not about you. You don't have to explain, justify, or defend yourself to anybody. Once you start, it will never stop, be clear on that.
4. They never apologize.
They'll lie before they ever apologize, so there's no point arguing. They'll twist the story, change the way it happened, and retell it so convincingly that you will apologize on their behalf. Don't surrender to their lies and don't keep the argument going. There's just no point. you don't need an apology to move forward. Just move forward - without them. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to lend your ears to such nonsense. Move forward.
