Traditions followed since ages
We have lot of traditions practiced on various occasions but this one is special - when someone dies in the family. When I say family means, its the entire extended family having blood relations over generations. My father's eldest brother's wife died ten days back and they informed us by phone, when this happened. That is how it works - when ever there is a death or birth, the family makes sure, the news is given to all the blood relations, so that they can do all the rituals necessary.
We got the news in the middle of the lunch being prepared, all cooking stopped immediately. Every member of the family has to take a head bath, and then cook only boiled food. No Oil, No spice, No grill - absolutely nothing except some boiled foods. So whatever was cooked was set aside and given to maids. And then the ordeal started - ten days of boiled foods. Without using oil, the other way of cooking is to grill - but that is not allowed. So all that was allowed was, a rice, a mixed dalma ( dal with all vegetables), and then a tomato boil with dates. On that day, doing all this late made us hungry so it did not taste bad on the first day. But then on subsequent days, it was really difficult to eat without any option. And we cannot use any of the milk product as well - they are restricted too. And you get this food only one time in the day and you must eat before evening. Nothing after that 🤓
We usually do the offerings to God in the morning after bathe, and then only take breakfast. But during this, no worship is made, the room remains closed till the 11th day ( will open tomorrow). It's not allowed to use any kind of oil , even during bathe. We are supposed not to cut nails or do combing as well, leaving the hairs look like orphans. No one is allowed to come home - because if they come, then they will have to go and wash their dress and bathe before entering their house. So whoever comes to home during this is told so before the entrance. Same goes for us - we do not go to anyone's house, because that will need their house to follow the same rituals. Even touching someone is also a sin - I was going to hospital for my dressing and my friend touched me and then I had to tell him and he had to take bathe again that day. Since then, he maintained distance 😀
Life was becoming difficult day by day and I was somehow managing. I literally ate for living - who will be hungry after seeing the same boiled food which has no taste at all. For the sake of trying out, I even started putting some lemon juice, fried Jeera powder ( Cumin seeds) and chilli - put the finger tip to change the taste. Miserable life....
Mom observed this and came in rescue doing some cakes in traditional ways - boiled ones with some tasty stuffs inside. The below had coconut and jaggery.
This one had the stuffs made out of Green Grams.
This one was made with turmeric leaves - so a very good aroma with coconut and jaggery as stuff.
Papaya fry - I barely could eat them and threw...
She also prepared another cake, which is given to eat only when you are not going out of home for the rest of the day. Since we are not going anywhere, got a taste of that. I have asked her to prepare it again to post here. The black grape jam I brought couple of months back was not used - a perfect opportunity to try with brown breads. Today is the tenth day and we had to follow some more rituals - Wash all the clothes that have been in use - it includes even all screens - its just loads of clothes and the weather is really bad. But we had to wash, so we just started in early morning, giving no rest to the washing machine. I remember in old days, the laundry man used to come and take away everything and charging double because of the rituals.
And then the family barber came in. He was informed earlier. He has to be present in every occasion. He has an important role in all our functions and today as well. He will cut nails of all the ladies members and then put the red dye to the feet of women. So he had to do it for Mom. And then he has to cut nails / hair / saving all male members. It's only then, I felt, I am back to business.
Tomorrow we will get back to usual food - Fish will be on Menu, but before that, in the morning, we will have to bathe and go to the temple. Bring holy waters from there, and put all across the home. Have to change threads and then only go for marketing.
All these rituals are being followed by 20+ families with more than 100 people. I am with my Mom and my wife and kids are also following this. Kids are so frustrated that, they are asking bread and jam all the time. As per Mom, its even more difficult, in the village where the actual family resides. There, you get food, only after everyone from nearby join. All sit together and the service is done only once. And today all would have gone to the village river bank, and do all these rituals for today. There is a old saying : If a person dies, then family members forget after 10 days, wife adjusts after six months but mother remembers for life. Not sure someone said after these rituals were put together into practice or before. Mom is saying, someone else is on the queue.....
Wow, I am really impressed by the scale and intricacy of these traditional rituals. I had no idea... I am sorry for your loss.
So sad you lost some one in close blood relation. Rituals are made to carried out.it is glad to hear that you are following them in this modran world.
First of all, I am very sorry for the death of your close relative. Please accept my condolences. It is also our custom to offer condolences on the death of an acquaintance or friend.
Woah!
This is a beautiful culture.
Amazing way of bonding.
The only nations that survive are those that have traditions and a sense of belonging
I am always amazed at the complexity and richness of the rituals practiced in all cultures. I was totally unaware of this one, and I find it very interesting that it is forbidden to visit, touch, and I did not understand very well the prohibitions on the forms of cooking and the reduced variety of foods that can be consumed in those 11 days. Interesting post, with good photos. Greetings.
Usually in villages, the cooking will be done at one place, and everyone joins there to eat - the way to show support may be. With time, families migrate, but we still have to practice, even being at distance.
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This is one of the most lovable thing that in each and every situations either it is of joy or sorrow the Indian families United together..... And may all the family members rage care of each and everyone in this situation @sanjeevm
iam so sorry to hear this sir, my condolences to your relatives and family members.
Thanks for explaining some of the customs and traditions in great detail. I knew only a little about mourning rituals in India, but of course there are so many cultures and languages in India. Are some or all of these customs unique only to your area?
I can only imagine how boring 10 days of boiled food is, but it serves a purpose, so I'm sure that made it more manageable. It looks like Mom came to the rescue with some treats to make the time pass a little faster and more deliciously.
Well, these rituals are mostly specific to a area and even a caste. Other castes may have some different rules as well.