A 5 hour conversation with my mother, otherwise known as “a conversation with my mother” is actually quite fun these days. She can not put down the phone though.
Many people say “that’s because she’s your mom and she loves you” and all I can say is “well she sure loved a lot of store clerks in her life” because when I was young she would talk all their ears off…about their clothing, about the items she was purchasing, she’d tell them stories and try to get stories out of them. No it didn’t last 5 hours but if they were polite and unoccupied it could often last up to an hour.
I suppose she is where I inherited my interest in people from. The difference is that I try to spread my curiosity between different victims to avoid causing them too much pain. Not everyone can handle a 5 hour conversation and in fact, it’s rare that a five hour conversation leaves one feel more fulfilled than exhausted, regardless of who you are talking to. Sure there are exceptions but I have a lot to do and my work and play time isn’t always clearly divided so 5 hours usually leaves me feeling a bit like telling the next person I encounter to leave me alone, even if I enjoyed the conversation.
She somehow manages to turns conversations about socks into one about politics or her childhood. I wonder if I am that charismatic…my grandfather certainly was. He would make friends with anyone and everyone. We received VIP treatment whenever he was around without ever paying for it because he was always giving people nicknames and inviting them to his house.
Now that I think about it, I probably inherited a lot of unconventional “old-school” behavior from him. I’m not explicitly seeking perks and I am far more allergic to bullshit than he was, but I guess I must have preferred his and my mothers willingness to talk with strangers that most other people around me did not seem to engage in. I liked the surprise of being able to get to know someone anywhere and even potentially becoming friends. Whether it’s the store clerk or the person sitting next to me on a bus, if I’m not preoccupied with something important (like Hive 🙂), I’m happy to have a conversation, even if we never talk again. This is what motivates my travel experiences too, not sightseeing, nor history or hot spots, just people and their stories or their perspective.
It’s also funny to see how a similar trait evolved over generations. My grandfather obviously enjoyed his perks and wanted more of them. I mean, why not, he got tickets for his kids to go see the Beatles, The Rolling Stones and the Doors just by being friendly.
My mother on the other hand was lonely and wanted someone to keep her company. I think exploring people who were different from her was her way of dealing with the fact that she couldn’t relate to a lot of people around her.
I’m not so different from her except that I rarely feel lonely anymore, and I always want to share this method of enjoying others with others so that it can create a larger sense of community. I’m not saying I’m entirely selfless or that I wouldn’t love free tickets to see my favorite bands, but I tend to live by a philosophy that says we all benefit more when we benefit together, and also that we create our world and are not just victims of it. If I can spread this mentality, it’s good for me and it’s good for anyone who it makes feel more positive.
Anyway, talking to my mother is a lot like this post. It starts off in one direction but before it gets to the main point, it steers off in another direction. I would like to think that I’m also better than she is at bringing things back so that there is some resolution or some point to the conversation. With her it just keeps floating from this to that and never ending. It’s actually quite fun but at the end you feel like you something missed the mark. So I try to steer our conversations by always asking “how is this related to the last topic?”. It works well. You can see where I got the “ADHD” diagnosis from.
I hope it works well when I ask myself this question while writing blogs like this and you, the reader, don’t get too lost in my many simultaneous trains of thought 🙃
We had a pretty difficult relationship when I was young. She never realized how much she wanted to control me and I always resented the amount of power she had over me. She used to be quite manipulative and tried to get me to fit into a world that I didn’t belong to.
We fixed our relationship when I started saying things like “Mom, I love you but I’m not having this conversation again” or “if you want to fight, I’m hanging up the phone and I’ll talk to you when you calm down”. It infuriated her at first and she even cut me off for three months but eventually she realized I was being more mature than she was and from that time on she’s been nothing but pleasant.
I’m really happy how she’s becoming more open minded and accepting of me as time goes by. I would love to talk to her once a week but the conversations always last AT LEAST 3 hours so I try to keep it to once or twice a month on the phone and maybe twice by message where I can disappear more easily.
How has your relationship with your parents evolved over the years?
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Let us just say the relationship between you and your mother became better with the passage of time and and of course you, growing older. I think I feel like your mom on some occasion. I don't have a lot of people in my life and the once I have I often bug them for companionship but then, I know my limits, I can't engage someone for a 3 hours convo, not even if it's a romantic conversation. I tend to let people deserve their space, feel their Freedom and not let my needs entwine into their private lives, I had issues talking with my parents, they weren't the most liberal people and this is why I tend to see the essence to giving people a senses of freedom to be themselves.
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:-) Well if I'm talking too much let me know. I can really enjoy a 2-3 hour conversation at times, but I also find that I have more energy when I let the conversation end while it's still exciting and fun, rather than trying to exhaust every topic that we can talk about.
It's hard to really give a good picture of my parents...we have a very complicated relationship and I don't mean that in a negative way, but both negative and positive. My mom is becoming like my best friend, but she used to be my worst enemy and she was so bad at understanding me that she didn't even know it.
Just enjoy the good family you have, whether it's immediate or extended family, or family that's not connected by blood, but a community that feels like a family. I think we can be flexible with this word if the feeling is there.
You've emphasised on the fact that family might just be people who tend to understand themselves and enjoy having great interactions, that's something I will actually equate myself with. I tend to relate better with people who we share some certain beliefs and overtime my understanding or knowledge of the world "family" has been redefined.
I get that aspect of relationship with your mum.
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I like to think your relationship with your mother is similar to the one I have with my father.
I didn't like my father while growing up (well I'm still growing up) , I felt he never loved me. My mother always told me he did and he didn't know how to show it. I gets angry everytime she says because, he takes care of strangers even better than his son.
As I grew older, I started to see things differently, I'm still not convinced but I certainly do not hate him anymore. I rarely talk to him now but when I do, I see more sincerity in his words. It just difficult to communicate properly. Even when we are in the house together, communication is done indirect through my mother.
Thanks for the opportunity to express myself.
!PIZZA
Men of the past were not very good at expressing emotion, verbally or through their actions sometimes too. Sometimes they don't understand their own emotions. I think we are getting better and improving from past generations. This is why I still love the internet even though I agree with the complaints about algorithms and privacy. It gives us a chance to connect with people at our own pace, and with more space and freedom than physical life sometimes..though I still prefer meeting in person.
I'm glad you feel differently about your father now. There is always a chance for relationships to be rebuilt and change. We inherit a lot of parents baggage actually, sometimes being exactly the same as them or sometimes being the opposite to try and avoid becoming what we don't like about them. In the end though, when we become better versions of ourselves, I think the relationship changes naturally. I'd love to hear more about your family if you feel like writing about them. Send me a link on discord if you write about them.
And looking forward to our video!!! :-D
She probably misses you also hence the 5 hours and it is interesting to hear about how much your relationship has changed with her.
For me, I and my mother are pretty cool, I am tagged secretive so most times she doesn't know what is happening in my life but I feel like that is a healthy balance to keep, she is way closer to my elder sister though, they are like best friends.
If parents can't accept everything it's better to be secretive with them. My problem is I can't keep my mouth shut so we always fought before. Now it's great though.
😆 my mother wouldn't understand at all so I have always learned to deal with things and Nigerian mothers are too dramatic.
I agree to the fact that you are like your parents in regards making friends because I have seen how well you socialize with People. You have gone so far with People from different cultures on Hive.
and happy new years bro!
U know, that is normal that mothers are talking for hours
with their child's whether they want to or not 🤣
It's really good that your relationship with your mom has finally found its right way. You are really good at conversations, you manage to connect very well with a lot of people. And as I've told you before, I like the way you manage your posts because you can jump from one topic to another without being boring. I see that you have adopted a part of those traits from your mom and your grandfather
While I was reading your post I imagined me with my dad many years ago, when we used to go out he used to stop and talk to many people on the way, in fact he still does. Even though as a child I hated that because I just wanted to get home, now it's something I like about him, how he does so well talking to his friends and even to many strangers on the street. In my case I've tried to learn from him but taking it my style, sometimes I'm good at conversations even with people I'm just getting to know, but there are other times when I can't find topics of conversation so I try to escape quickly to avoid discomfort in the other person and in me xD
I can relate. I used to be really shy because I cared a lot about how others feel. In western culture (especially English speaking cultures maybe) there is a lot of encouragement to "not care how other feel" and just do what makes you happy, but I always thought that if I am considerate towards people they will be more likely to be considerate towards me.
I think this is why I relate so much with Japan, although nowaadays I'm not really shy at all.
Now , I realize that a lot of people aren't bothered by me and may even be interested in me as long as I can calibrate the conversation towards them and avoid pushing them to think the same way as me. There is actually some way to relate to anyone, we just have to find the way for each person we encounter (...if they are worth the energy).
It's interesting to see how our feelings about our family members change as we get some new perspective. :-D
It was nice to read this.
Feel free to 'talk' to me about my relationship with my parents, one day. I won't make it much longer than two hours ( and I think you already know a thing or two ). I also think us talking about my parents is not necessarily the most fun thing to talk about haha!
You are probably the person I talk to the most/longest besides my mom and my gf ;-P
Haha! I see. I can have longer chats with dates - whenever I do date - and some friends, but there's few people I talk with for so long, on the phone ( definitely not with my mom ).
lol try cutting it short with dates, that kind of tease creates attraction 😘😘😘
It seems to mainly (have) friend zoned me, in the past, but I am not afraid to share my story / the real me with others, including women, these days, and will never play 'mister mysterious' ( who hardly talks ) as that's just not me ;^)
I'm tired of acting.
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