What’s your deepest, darkest fear?

Fears come in all shapes and sizes. There are the surface fears; bugs, heights, crowded spaces, etc. But I believe all of us carry some deeper, more existential fears. Fear of death, fear of suffering, fear of being forgotten, fear of failure, embarrassment, getting old, commitment, fear of others not returning our feelings, fear of being alone, fear of missing out, fear of uncertainty...

For a long time I could say, with certainty that I understood my fears. And then I faced the deepest ones and now I realize that there are other fears hiding behind them, things I hardly thought about.

For the longnest time, my two biggest fears were of death, and failure. The idea of not being in this body, of going through an experience that doesn’t seem to make any sense and crossing over into another stage of existence, or even into nothing. It shook me up so bad.

Also the idea that I might not achieve my goals, that I might mess it all up and never do all the things I want.

I think facing these fears is where true growth comes from and freeing ourselves from them is where we finally become the person we wish to be. And then from there we find a new way to grow, a new demon to face, and we do it all again.

These days, I feel more fear about suffering. I’ve felt my fair share for my age, and the idea of more of it just seems like something I wouldn’t be able to sit through. That’s not to say I wouldn’t try.

My biggest fear at this stage, is a different level to that old fear of failure. I’m no longer afraid of failing but I’m not scared of missing the chance to try.

I don’t have to become successful but it feels quite hard to face a future in which I don’t even have a chance to make a serious attempt.

I still want to see different corners of the world. I want to try and make a difference. I want to be known....now this is a funny thing because it was exactly what I was running away from before.

I thought being known was not what I wanted because I was focused on all the bad that comes with it. Now I realize just how fun it must be to be Joe Rogan. Interested in someone? Call them up and have a podcast. If people like it they may introduce you to other cool people. It must be so fun to pick the brains of talented and creative people, and to do so in a way that others can benefit as well

Being in the spotlight affords you this. You have an idea and people pay attention. I like it better than being ignored, now that I’ve experienced both to some extent.

I’ll still try to face this fear head on. Maybe I’ll never be able to finish all the stories I hope to finish. Maybe my album will never come out. Maybe I’ll never own a house or have kids or have financial freedom. Maybe I won’t even get a chance to put all my energy into it because something will stop me.

I’ll still do my best to face every day with excitement and passion, as much as I can muster.

What about you? What do you fear?-

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Fear of premature death is a problem. I'm not concerned of dying, just dying too early, before my kids are grown and the likes.

My true fear is the Global Totalitarianism rising across the world. They found China's total control too seductive and are now trying to emulate it across Western Societies. This keeps me up at night, concerned about my kids' futures.

I don’t think they are emulating it, it’s very much inter-connected, although I think fear only makes it stronger so I refuse to give it that. What they are building is unsustainable, all it requires to topple is for people to continue to connect and ignore attempts to divide. I know it looks like people are being divided, but that’s intentionally what we are being shown to get us to fight. Not buying in. Not biting.

As for fear of early death, I get it!

I don't fear. Quite surprising. I do worry sometimes but I prefer to take my days as they come. I'm not worried about death, I just wish I don't die a slow, painful one.

I'm not sure fear and worry are all that different. It sounds like you don't feel all that much of it though 😃 good

Nice approach to your fears.
Since when I was little I have always been afraid of two things Failure and Missing Heaven

I have always aspired to be someone of great importance, great influence, and I wouldn't for any reason wanna fail in whatever I do but I soon realized so many things about failure that I am not as afraid or scared of it like I used to be.
But the fear of missing heaven is as fresh as when I was small.
I feel I am not ready for all the kingdom tasks, and I wouldn't wanna leave this world unready because if I do, I know I will certainly miss heaven which I never wish for.

You have a good heart, don't stress!

As for fear of failure...I guess the way I faced that was failing very hard and becoming insignificant (most people forgot me when I tried to escape social media while living overseas and moving around). Now I realize I like being connected but I'm no longer afraid of not being, so I can really do my best

That's a little awful don't you think? I mean people forgetting you when you stay away from social media a bit.🤔

Well well well!
Talking about fears, I have a lot of those.
Fear of failure, fear of creeping creatures, of missing out.
Of being too old or too late for a particular height or attainment in life or achievement.
The list goes on but then one thing I do know is that Fear* is just a matter of the mind and it can be controlled.

I don't try to control it, I ran my head into it! Hahaha

Those are all relatable. It's never too late for most things. And the creatures...well they're not as scary as we think but I'd rather not bump my head against them

Hahahhahahha, that's what I am talking about. The bumping 😂 I can so jump out of my skin.
I had a really bad experience two weeks ago with the tiniest insect you could ever think of that is harmless but is not, very poisonous so I dread any creeping creature or anything insect lol

I used to say I wasn't afraid of anything (which got amended to not really afraid of much of anything) but then I realised that "fear" triggers a type of "fight" response in me...pretty much 100% of the time so far (I guess I'm concerned that could kill me one day, because it's an extremely slow fight response which involves an initial immediate reaction of move anyone in danger out of it, then analyse the perceived threat and see if I can neutralise it, and if I can't neutralise it then think about where is the best to run away to, and those last two steps can take seconds to minutes when there might not be seconds to minutes). And if it's not that type of emergency situation that triggers the fear reponse then I just get angry.

This is what I mean when I say I'm rage powered ;D

I probably have a lot more deep dark fears than the ones that jumped to mind when I was trying to think of what to share but my way of dealing with deep dark fears is usually running an extremely rough and incredibly inaccurate probability calculation on it ever happening (and there's not even numbers involved really, more event chains of which there are a lot) and then deciding whether it's worth worrying about beyond a thought experiment or not. If it is, sensible precautions are taken, if it's not, it's not worth wasting resources on.

ps - forgot to say, I'm glad you're not scared of being known anymore ;D

We should do video chat again, I feel like we have a lot of tools to help each other. I’m feeling much more Genki than last time we did it.

I think you have so much awesomeness pent up in you that you don’t let out smoothly and so it gets stuck and stuck is where anger comes from. I wanna see you rampage 🫂

Yay for more genki XD

We probably do, not sure when I'll be able to manage it though as I added roleplaying to the stuff I'm doing against my better judgement (but it's fun, and apparently fun for the group I'm running the game for as well as they've asked for another one pretty much straight after but we worked out that we can run both stories simultaneously and possibly do some stupid timey wimey bullshit that is going to do my head in to try and keep on top of x_x

The fear of being known is a serious fear. It looks more like it may be rooted in the fear of responsibility. Somebody was so afraid that they downvoted