Photo taken by the author, Deeann D. Mathews, in San Francisco's Rose Garden in June 2016
It is said that love is a many-splendored thing.
Not as often does a song come along that discusses our feelings about its cost, and certainly not its cost to women, from an understanding man's perspective.
This is what makes Brahms' “Sapphische Ode” stand out to me.
At the present, I am SINGLE-single, and content – life is full. Because I am a person of reasonably high ability and quite high responsibility, taking on anything else – even good things – has to be considered carefully, for with everything gained, there is also something given up, lost. Love and grief often walk in tandem in that respect, if one thinks deeply.
Certainly I could never be a partner to anyone who did not understand that … I have found my most enduring friendships with people who understand the principles of good stewardship, and of counting the cost of every decision in light of our callings to service in the world.
Twice, such a friendship has blossomed into love … but was left on the rosebush, because there was no way to rightly go any further. The time and responsibilities could not be matched up correctly … so, we retained the friendship, and let the times and seasons go by.
I have not seriously considered dating for a number of years ... but then here comes Brahms, showing me a vision with roses … and of course, the voice of Ukrainian bass Alexander Kipnis is enough to make a woman rethink a lot of things...
In the first stanza, a man goes to cut roses in the evening, and notices that as he is cutting them, they drop their evening dew all over him. It is not said explicitly, but because of the timing of the poem, and what it is, one can safely assume he cut those roses for the woman he is courting.
The name “Sapphische Ode” in English means Sapphic Ode – after the manner of Sappho, ancient Greek poetess who wrote her lyric poetry in a particular way (four lines, unusually strict meter for her time) and most often about love. Because of this, anyone who knew ancient literature at all would know this is a love song, and Brahms' gentle, tender music is greatly helped in conveying that by Mr. Kipnis, a man with a deep, dark, thick bass like the coming night gently easing up on these rose bushes, the man cutting the roses and getting wet with dew, and the woman he is going to see.
In the second stanza – sometime after presumably presenting the dewy roses – the man notes the moment when finally he plucks kisses from his lady's lips … and, as is common for the thinking of the time, the man is the only actor of importance. Women, roses, the whole world – this song comes from late in the colonial period of Europe, and before Brahms ended his life in the 1890s, Germany was well on its way to the attempt at becoming a colonial power that would lead to it and the world's sorrows of the 20th century. Everything, therefore, proceeds from the fact that many European men of that time felt as if they had a right to access and “pluck” everything from everywhere... although, in fairness, we know this man cares something about this woman … he had to find his courage to kiss her, because offending her matters to him.
But this is where this song diverges from many, many others … the man is surprised and stops what he is doing when he observes that the woman sheds her dew on him – she weeps, and that is the end of the song! They could be tears of joy; they could be tears of sorrow. We will never know why – but we can imagine, since the action stops there, that there is some kind of conversation. We can imagine, because of the tenderness of this song, that there is no anger or violence from the man … there is loving communication taking place.
We do have one hint, however, because of the parallel ideas of the poem – a rose, no matter how lovely, must always die. It is in the nature of flowers to do that, swiftly … but left on the bush, they tend to set seed and continue the life of the plant species at hand. If cut to be put to another purpose – say the continuance of human life through romance and mating – they still die, but without doing their own native function. There is a sacrifice made.
Photo taken by the author, Deeann D. Mathews, in San Francisco's Rose Garden in June 2016
Some men forget that women too are fully human with fully human lives, doing whatever it is they are called to do as half the human race before they come along … there are things gained but also things lost for women in making a love match. For women of great ability, and great responsibility, this is no laughing matter … so it may well be that discovering a man's true love is a source of fraught emotions, because one thing or another must be given up, and that is hard for human beings.
The beauty of “Sapphische Ode,” and especially Alexander Kipnis's rendition, is the reminder that there are men who can and will understand … and only one per woman seeking love is required! Twice personally I have known men who did, and the one who loved me the most opened the conversations in which we determined we would remain friends because that was best. That too was a sacrifice.
He was (and still is) a basso profundo, the one who loved me most and best … and that is probably why I hear the echoes of his true love and tender understanding in the voice of Alexander Kipnis, here, and why I take hope from “Sapphische Ode” by Brahms. The song ends and leaves the question “Did they make it?” open … and that is where I am, doing what I am doing and enjoying my life as a single woman, but leaving the possibilities of the future open for an understanding someone to come along!
Photo taken by the author, Deeann D. Mathews, in San Francisco's Rose Garden in June 2016
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Stay focused @deeanndmathews! You're making great progress towards your Hive goals.
As is so often the case, I have fallen behind in my Hive reading. Your title stirred a dim memory, and as soon as I began to listen to the music I made a dive for my piano books. Sure enough, Sapphische Ode is in the song anthology I used when I took a voice class in college. Thanks for reminding me about that beautiful song.
My youngest daughter is 31 and a single mother. The baby's father has the personality and lifestyle of a tom cat. Daughter has been on a dating site or two, and has met a few fellows. All they want is sex and somebody to do their laundry, dishes, shopping, and cleaning. What's in it for her? Nothing, not even a modicum of security, because they don't even want to commit to marriage. Are there any decent men left? I wonder. So does she.
Dating sites are not all there is ... encourage your daughter to discover her interests and passions for service, and meet men organically as she is enjoying her life as much as possible, doing positive things with your grandchild. Dating sites corral lazy men ... good men are out enjoying life in positive ways and are in the habit of service.
I am 42, never married, no children. I discovered what your daughter did at about age 16 because of what was going on in the neighborhood, so I focused on my art and my community service (even Hive is just an extension of both). In the years since I have met a lot of good men -- timing just not right for marriage, but most of those still living are still friends who I do portions of life and service with, and who have been good friends to me as well. So, I do not despair -- I enjoy my life and my service, and I tend to meet good people in the process ... you notice that I met you here on Hive. I am not saying that good men are the majority, and that at this moment in history that they are easy to locate, but such men are still out there.
Above all things, if she knows the Lord, tell her to pray that He reveal His will while strengthening her to do it, step by step. The core relationship that gives me stability as a single woman is mine with HIM ... and that would have to be the case for me to be desired for marriage by a man who also puts the Lord first.
Amen!!