In my home, I make giving a tradition. Since it is just my mom and I, it does not have to be anything extravagant but it always comes from my heart. When I give her something, it always feels right even if it feels like I have outdone myself. Many times, I overlook what I want for what is important because I know it would put a smile on my mother’s face. There is an expression she has when everything is calm.
When she is worried, I know. When she is happy, I know. When she is depressed (even if she denies it), I know. In times like these, I use words of affirmation and do little things that seems insignificant but I know it works wonders. I do not talk about my problems at home because Mom depends on me. It is a silent agreement between us that we draw strength from each other. I am the iron that sharpens her iron. That is an honor as well as a lot of pressure.
Mom is not one to ask for anything and when she does, I try within my power to give it to her. The relationship we have is beautiful and chaotic. Not always peaceful which is why sometimes, our arguments heat the roof. We are both very stubborn people with strong opinions. I have told my mom no very few times but it was always temporary. I find a way to get it done one way or the other. However, no matter how much I love this woman, I had to draw a line when she asked for something I knew would bite us in the arse later. I have been saving HBD from last year for house rent. With the current price of Naira, my house rent is taken care of, what is left is shop rent.
About two months ago, mom and I hit a wall with the business and closed for about a week. In this period. Mom approached me with the suggestion of removing the amount we needed from our house rent savings. The moment she said it, my walls went up high with the speed of light.
“No.”
One word. I schooled my expression, my brain on lockdown mode. Two things happen when I enter this state of mind. My heart goes to sleep and emotions are very much nowhere to be found. I become impenetrable. For a girl like me who is filled with all sorts of emotions, this rarely happens. It only does when I have to go up against something that is in the way of my vision or plans. This time, it was my mother. Alarms blared in my head and I knew that we would have an intense argument. In no time, my mom was playing the ‘big card’ card and trying very hard to make me see that taking a break from the business when we had money was not a wise decision.
I blatantly refused, also trying to explain to her that money is not a fruit. Savings, no matter how much it is, is for a purpose and once redirected can be lost forever. It took me months to build up that savings from writing, there was no way I was using it on the business. Because I knew deep down that I would not be able to recover the used amount within the months left. Mom would not speak to me and I, feeling angry and sad that she would not look at the bigger picture, do not speak to her either. I rather vent to my friend and he listens with limitless patience. I leave the house and go for a stroll. By the time I get back, mom remains closed up.
I understood she was worried about the business. So was I! However, there were far more important things than a business. A roof over your head is one. Safety is another and water… very important. All this I considered and knew in that split second when she made that suggestion that it would be a hard no. She may have forgotten how we were homeless when I was a little kid and at the mercy of strangers but I could and would never forget. That fear I felt back then is still at the back of my mind and the main reason I have vowed never to be in that position ever again.
I drew a chair, tried to explain my side to her, and told her to give me a few days. Thing is, when I promise my mother something I fulfill it. I do not make promises outside my home because I may not see it through but to my mom, I can easily promise her anything. My body and mind is naturally wired to make sure it happens. Our conversation was almost an hour long but in the end, we made up and few days later, I fulfilled my promise. In that week, I learned two major things. One is to keep your account value a secret from your family and two, when it is about the future, do not bargain. So moving forward, I will do everything in my power to make sure we never lack but whatever the figures I have is no one’s business.
All images are mine
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Firstly, I want to say I love and appreciate the relationship between you and your mum, everything is not meant to be perfect.
Looking from both perspectives, I will say it is understandable, but sometimes one just have to say No.
I also agree that your account value should be a secret, even it is not a secret, no one should be involved in-to-to
Exactly! Thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you 🙏🏾
After reading, I began to say out my mind with voice and after few seconds, I remembered there's nothing like voicenote here😅.
Yeah, priorities in life. Roof over the head first before setting out to others...unless it's possible to sleep in shop while sorting out life. But no, that's not thinkable.
Love the bond between you and your mom even though there are battles of thought in between...in fact, it's those battles that make it stronger 💪
!luv
Thank you 🙏🏾 and yes, the bond is very strong…
It might be possible for some to live in their business place but not for me. lol.
Lol😅
The shops I used to see, I mean the ones here, they're very small and jam-packed. Maybe the ones there are big man's style 😅
Especially for our mothers, gift 🎁 means so much from the children. Its another level of feelings
Indeed 🙌🏾
Who knew!
You did!
lmao ... yes guilty!
Having disagreements with our mother is one of the most tense situations there can be. I don't like that feeling. It's like having a knot in my stomach or something. That's why I can understand your feelings. And putting ourselves in our moms' shoes makes us realize that it's not easy for them either 💟
Yes indeed. It’s all about understanding and patience when it comes to listening to moms in my opinion. That’s what I’ve learned with mine. Thank you for the meaningful comment🥂
The bond between you and your mother is really a good one, I love how you both communicate and come to a positive conclusion.
It is roof over our head first and you did the right thing by making your mother see reasons too.
And yes, our account value should be kept as a secret to family members.
#dreemerforlife
Thank you Queen 😌❤️
The bond between you two is awesome. I understand your position. Shelter is a necessity for a safe living. It can't be sacrificed for anything else. Your mum, on the other hand, was concerned about the future. All in all, understanding and compromise is the best bet.
#dreemerforlife
Moms carry the medal for worrying about the future and that I understood. We reached a conclusion after all things done. Thank you ☺️
I can feel the love you have for you mum, and her, for you. I wouldn't blame her for the suggestion she made, she was just planning ahead for the future.
But you were right anyways. Everything has to be prioritized to avoid regrets. It's much more important to ensure a roof over one's head than struggling to sustain a business.
I'm more than glad that you guys were able to come to a better conclusion 🥰.
#Dreemerforlife.
We did and that makes me really glad too. Thank you so much Nkem Mama ❤️❤️
The kind of connection between you and your mom is very beautiful to read about.
It was very good as you communicated your feelings to her, they were quite valid.
#dreemerforlife
Thank you ☺️