Strife.

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Since I arrived back last week from my sojourn under bluer skies, a dearth of compost has been thwarting my horticultural endeavours. Thus, this morning I had a pallet of thirty six, twenty five kilo bags delivered. And no — this is not another woeful pallet tale.

The delivery guy rocks up, backs halfway down my driveway to deposit the pallet close to the Dome, then hops out of the truck to greet me and my accompanying pooches. The moment he produces a bag of dog treats I know he's going to be trouble. Never trust a delivery man who has to travel with treats.

Anyway, he lowers the back of the truck, lifts the pallet with his little forklift, and attempts to wheel it from the truck onto the grass. Problem. The wheels spin, but that forklift ain’t liftin’. So I stand there, making clever suggestions, while he makes repeated attempts to do exactly the same thing, apparently expecting a different result. The pallet remains firmly planted in the middle of the driveway.

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“I’ll move the truck forward a bit,” says he, jumping into the cab, giving me a cheery thumbs-up, and appearing to make good his escape.

Over my dead body!

I dart in front of the truck, shouting and gesticulating wildly to indicate that the pallet cannot, under any circumstances, be left blocking my driveway.

“But I can’t move it,” he tells me.

“Well then I’m calling your company,” I reply.

Now I’m the friendly sort. I don’t make difficulties and I rarely shout. But this was ridiculous. What exactly was I supposed to do with 900kg of compost marooned in the middle of the driveway?


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Is this truck or is this truck not driving away?

I headed to the house for the phone and returned to find him moving the bags one by one onto the grass.

“I thought you were leaving,” I said.

“I wouldn’t do that,” he replied.

“Well, you gave me the thumbs-up and attempted to drive away.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he repeated.

So together we hefted the 36 bags of compost onto the grass, after which I thanked him, deposited twenty quid in his hot little hand and he drove off into the sunset, muttering darkly about stupid old hags.

I loathe confrontation.

Could I have handled it differently?

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Stupid old hags??? Ha! You should have started casting all manner of hocus pocus on him, put the fear of the spirits in him. That or a little buckshot lol. I'm lusting after your compost lol. Doesn't take much to make me happy!!

Ah, Mistress Tammy. Good to see you back from hibernation. I'm much the same myself. A bag of compost and I'm anyone's!:)

Well at least you got a great story out of it - the paradox that you describe yourself as a pussycat but had to force this man to action by physically blocking his truck, good on you. But then the cherry on top was that after you had to help move the bags you still had to give him a large tip one that has quadrupled in five years! Fascinating.

And another detail, heretofore undisclosed, that I think you'll find even more interesting, is that my two strapping, male siblings slept soundly through the entire episode:)

haha! Was the 20 quid a generous tip?

When I arrived down here 6 years ago, a decent tip would be a fiver. Now if you gave anyone less than a twenty, they'd spit in your eye!:)

I hope you were both laughing when the job was finally done the right way.

Through gritted teeth!

 23 hours ago  

a dearth of compost has been thwarting my horticultural endeavours.

That is really a beautiful choice of words - 'dearth' and 'thwart' just sound so lovely here, regardless of the troubles you are going on about.

Look sometimes you have to be firm with idiots. Us women need to just absorb the fact we may get called 'hags' whilst men get called 'assertive'.

Even Jamie called me rude when I firmly told some marketing company very firmly to 'get my number of your mailing list because I do not want to be contacted at dinner time on a Friday night for fucks sake!'. I absolutely believe sometimes people just need to be told.

Hahaha. I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you. I'd say you're fierce. I'm a pussycat by nature but idiots get my dander up.

 12 hours ago  

I'm taking fierce as a compliment. Truth be told it's mostly for show.

I dart in front of the truck

That's my move!!! Bravo. As high in my esteem as you were before, you are even higher tonight.

Never underestimate the speed and dexterity of a little old lady in high dudgeon!:)

Hahaha that was hilarious, not for you, but for us readers... That was him

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Of course you couldn't leave it there in the middle