日本語は後半にあります
【Englsih】
I’m seriously pissed off today.It’s about my eldest son—he just doesn’t listen to a single thing I say.
He’s in first year of middle school, 13 years old, so yeah, it’s probably the rebellious phase… I get that intellectually, but it still makes me furious. If he openly rebelled it might be easier to deal with, but instead he gives these barely audible “yeah” or “uh-huh” replies, then just… does absolutely nothing. That pattern is what really gets under my skin!
For example: he doesn’t take his hay fever medicine properly ( he needs to take it every day for 3–5 years to see real effect), he never cleans his room, he doesn’t wash his water bottle and then just grabs a new one, he doesn’t even bring out his lunch box (I’m pretty sure it’s growing mold by now), he leaves his shoes all over the place, he doesn’t hand me school letters, the only thing he does perfectly is play games, he waits until the very last minute to leave for cram school… and so on, and so on!
Worrying about it and nagging him is so stressful that I finally told him today, “I’m done. I don’t want to say anything anymore, and I’m going to stop worrying about you.”
If I could actually stop worrying, how much easier life would be…
Anyway, today I’m really irritated, so I’m calling it a night a bit early and going to bed. Sorry for the short post 🙇
【Japanese】
もう今日は本当に腹が立ってしまって…
中一の長男のことですが、私の言うことを全然聞いてくれません。中一、13歳といえば反抗期なのでしょうが、「そういう時期だ」と分かっていても腹が立ちます。分かりやすく反抗してくるならまだしも、こちらの言うことに対して、聞こえるか聞こえないか程度の声でうっすら返事をしておいて、結局全てやらない、というパターンで本当に腹がたつ！
花粉症の薬をきちんと飲まない（３〜5年間、毎日飲まないと効果が出ません）、部屋は片付けない、使った水筒を洗わない、その上で新しい水筒を使う、弁当箱も出さない（きっとカビが生えてる）、靴を揃えない、学校からの手紙を渡さない、ゲームだけはきっちりやる、ギリギリの時間まで塾に行かない… 等々。他にも色々！
気にするのも、色々言うのもストレスなので、母さんはもう何も言いたくない、君の心配をするのはやめる、と言いましたが。心配するのをやめられたらどれだけ楽でしょうか。
今日はもう本当にイライラしてしまったので、ちょっと早いですがもう寝てしまおうと思います。ということで、短い投稿で失礼します🙇
I don't look forward to this phase.. but we've all been through it! I think it's for sure difficult but it's also part of how they become their own person. I hope you can get through to him on some of this stuff to ease the tension!
Yeah, that’s true—it’s a path we’ve all walked at some point… When I think back on my own teenage years, I realize my attitude was probably even worse than my son’s😅
The day I wrote this post, I was really frustrated and irritated, but putting it into words here and reading everyone’s comments helped me calm down and gain some perspective. I’m truly grateful for this community!
Being parents is tough. Maybe your kid is just unmotivated. Instead of spanking, I think it's important to improve on communication through common hobbies. Teenagers in Germany need to learn a lot of survival and self-sufficiency skills such as hiking, hunting for food, build campfire for cooking, pitch a tent, emergency CPR, first aid and etc. Sometimes, kids are unmotivated because they only see a dead end to their hard work. They see their parents studying a lot and yet still struggle in life.
Thank you.
You're right—when I think back to my own teenage years, I can't really say I saw much value in school studies either... So it's no wonder it felt boring to me.
Probably one big issue is that I'm not very good at explaining to him the real meaning behind studying.
Getting communication going through practical activities like hiking or camping does sound like a really good approach 🙂
You're very welcome! Have a wonderful week! 😄
time to give him some spanking
Yeah, totally… it’s such a frustrating age, isn’t it? 😖
o.o i dont know kyo. i dont have kids but you have to balance being strict and giving freedom :(
Your son sounds exactly the same as mine... They are almost the same age, so it makes sense. I try to be strict about it, but my wife still babies him and let's him do whatever he wants... which isn't helping.
Whew... a frustrating age.
Oh, you too? Just a few years ago, during elementary school, he was so cute… I can’t help but think that 😭
And now, looking at my younger one who’s only 7, the thought that he’ll eventually hit this rebellious phase too makes me feel really down.
Whether I’m strict or gentle, nothing seems to work—it’s just that infuriating age 😮💨
Teenagers that age can be hard to handle and this kind of „No-Reaktion“ is frustrating. Maybe it could help to reach him on another level. Restore connection. Showing interest for their hobbies or things they care about. But you probably know and did that.
Maybe it’s because my eldest son and I have such similar personalities, but I tend to get worked up easily and end up scolding him reflexively without staying calm 😅
That’s not good, is it…
“On another level” — you’re absolutely right about that. Thanks so much for the advice!
Good luck! 🤝🏻
I hope you've been able to rest a bit while reading this. Understanding things isn't the same as not suffering them, I understand. I hope this rebellious phase doesn't last long...
Best regards, @go-kyo.
Thank you. Last night I just went straight to bed, and today I’ve been able to spend the day feeling a bit better.
I know deep down that I was pretty much the same way as my son when I was a teenager… but even understanding that, I still get irritated 😭
I just hope this phase passes quickly.