I think there's a really strong reason I feel so connected to you, @agmoore. We not only have similar views, but we both had very challenging childhoods and lived on little means. But after reading this post, I have to say it makes me count my blessings, and my heart truly goes out to you and your siblings and mother. My father was a very good man. But he was the sole bread winner for a family of 7 and we lived very close to the edge on a teacher's salary. My mother was also a good person, but she was the domineering parent in my family, and we were all cowed by her — my dad included. Religion was the other ruler of the household. We were all mystified as to why our parents had five children when they couldn't afford it. It was part of the teaching of the Catholic church and they were devout Catholics. (Shrug! I guess that's it. When you're part of a social construct or cult, you do as you're told.)
Anyway, we grew up pinching pennies. I wore only hand-me-downs. I remember the one new outfit I received in kindergarten. My parents grew food, harvested fruits and vegetables at U-pick farms, canned and froze food to live on for the winter, and bought all of our bread from the bread outlet. They took a bizarre pride in barely making it and had a disdain for those with money. I remember those times when I found a dime in the couch cushions and felt like I had struck gold. I remember being too embarrassed to invite people to our house because it was patched together and never clean. Like you I grew up determined to do for myself, to have financial means and to never sign over ownership of my wellbeing — financially or otherwise — to another human being. (And then I still fell under a man's spell and ended up in a soul-crushing relationship for a while. I do understand first-hand how and why it happens.)
What happened to Charlie Kirk was horrible and inexcusable, regardless of who he was as a person. I wasn't even aware of his existence until his death. But I have since been appalled by his beliefs and his teachings (and also by how his widow has capitalized on it). I don't understand why anyone in this day and age, let alone a woman, would think it makes sense for men to have all the authority, as well as dominion over their spouses, homes, and family finances. These precepts seem sick and dysfunctional in the most extreme sense. They serve no good.
I never realized how close to the edge you lived.
OMG...this is a scene from my life :) Amazing. All across the world there are probably kids living out the same scenario. Although, you'd never find a coin in my mother's couch cushions. She watched every penny, but once we were stuck in my father's car. I don't know where he was, but we sat and sat. We were hungry, so we searched around the car seats to see if any coins had fallen out of his pants.
I don't know if that ever leaves you. Maybe mine lingers because I have such difficulty socializing, but I cringe when the doorbell rings. When anyone comes in, and looks around, I feel it's a violation. Nothing wrong with my house now, I just don't feel comfortable having people cross that threshold.
This was not the case with my family. We were surrounded by successful relatives. We were lucky, because they helped us, especially when we escaped. But it was hard being a 'poor relation'.
In the end, I think the good character of your parents (flawed but good people) and of my mother 'saved' us. We took the best parts of what we experienced and used it to become productive adults.
Yes, I do feel a connection to you. I feel it especially when you show empathy for others.
Thank you very much for sharing that background with me. It's good to be reminded that the world is full of children who have uphill battles.