After an awful night's sleep with rain keeping us awake, I felt myself slipping into a state of anxiety again. My resilience ain't what it used to be. I'm just exhausted I guess, and worried about selling the house, though my logical mind knows it will sell eventually.
When the clutch went as I drove along the Great Ocean Road, I couldn't say I was surprised. Just another excuse to say how shit life is being at the moment. I managed to pull onto the shoulder and nudge it to a safe spot to call Jamie.
I thought RACV roadside assist would tow me home. What on earth am I paying for if not? Apparently no - as I broke down regionally not in a metro area, they could only tow us back to the nearest depot, which was no use at all.
On the side of the hot road I tried to breath and wait for Jamie. I knew life wasn't bad, I was just thinking it so. But when you're that tired, you do feel a bit sooky la la. All I wanted was a sleep and a reset. Instead I was trying not to get cleaned up by all the cars and coaches and trucks thundering by and shaking the van because no f**ker can manage to slow down no matter what. Everyone's always in a hurry.
At last a friend of Jamie's saw me and pulled over - I sat in his passenger seat and burst into tears. Anthony's a super calm guy who works with people with mental health issues so we joked he was my Mental Health Recovery Service. I was glad to have the company waiting for Jim.
Finally he got to me and confirmed that yep, it was the clutch. Kudos to the VW mechanic in town that chatted to Jamie and confirmed what it was and how to fix it. He's awesome - he knows Jamie is a good backyard mechanic and doesn't care to rip him off. He'll order the part in and Jamie will fix it soon.
Tow truck ended up costing $280. You try not to spend money and life will always put it's hand out wanting what you barely have.
Anyway, after a good night's sleep I'm feeling a little better. I do hope this house sells soon as I can only cope with so much at the moment.
Jamie had left a note for a colleague which read that he was sorry that he couldn't meet up but that I was broken down both literally and psychologically on the highway.
Yep. Can't argue with that.
With Love,
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Its like the bucket of water is already filling with the moving and the selling the house part, and it is already filled to the drip. Clutchy breaking down adds some dripping in there and boommm...water flowing out of the bucket (or the eyes ;) )
got you in this one, moving and selling and those thing feels like enough to move the entire world into shit. Hold on tight and use the wise man Jaimie!
Oh yes my bucket is full . That's a great image. Bah everyone here is so wise and kind xxx
Hahaha, only because you're wise and kind, we're way more mean to the KP brothers, haha.
Wow... that's all a lot. It was so kind of Anthony to wait with you... everyone else was in a hurry but someone that mattered had the time, that's awesome.
I hate that we all try to be stoic and call ourselves sooky la la (I do it to myself way too much) when really we should all just accept that sometimes everything has built up so much that we need that release value. I have to wonder if the stoic mindset is really just bottling things down until they explode in a really unhelpful way.
You always say the wisest, kindest and most empathetic things. I really appreciate it xx Yeah I feel I should be tougher, but I wasn't scared of having a blub to my mate. He's a lovely, calm guy who I really appreciated in that moment, that's for sure. I imagine you being similar.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say.
I think everyone wants to be tougher... but I think it's just way more honest to feel what we're feeling - they're real and valid and I'm not super sure that if we ignore them to appear tougher it does us much good. I don't know enough about it all to be honest.
Personally I love love love spending time with women over men because they're generally more honest with their emotions - some dudes are good, but mostly it's like pulling teeth to find out what a guy actually thinks about a situation.
Thank you! I do try to be both lovely and calm, but I have my own anxieties to manage so y'know, depends on the moment I think.
Yeah I have my calm and wise moments and my kermit moments.
I mean in Australia it's a notorious problem with blokes. Be a man and push that shit down. Then you have problems with suicide and DV because men can't handle their emotions because in turn they had fathers who weren't emotionally intelligent. And men are the role models for boys, as we know.
The fact you recognize it is huge enough.
Hahahaha!
The thing that really gets me is if you look at photos of mates from say, the 1940s and 1950s, they've got their arms around each other a lot, they're walking with their arm with an arm around their buddy, etc. They were physically and I have to assume emotionally much closer than today, and I feel bad blokes have lost that for no good reason...
The closest thing we might have today is team sport, but I really hope we can stop suppressing it in boys and men.
That is really sad. If you go to Africa or some other places you see young men holding hands or arm in arm, it's so lovely. Here it's rare to even get a hug hello or goodbye with boys. Affection is seen as weakness.
Thank you for sharing something so honest. It takes a lot of strength to open up about difficult days! I’m really glad you had support and some rest to help you through. 💛
Thanks. I tend to bare all as catharsis here!
At least you're not the type of person who thinks a clutch is a fashion accessory.
Sorry you're going through this at the moment. Are you still able to have the weekend away you planned?
If it's not one thing, it's another. At least it's a repair Jamie can do, but geez, on top of everything else....
It also has a way of feeling ten times worse, this kind of unnecessary spending when you're trying to hold on to money... I'm sorry. Sounds like a shit situation to be in. On the bright side, you may be broken down on the side of the road, but there's people who'll drive out to find you and friends to pull over and pick you up:) That's not a bad image, either. Take care, love.
That's a lot, sharing heals, sending you hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Awww
Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry about the clutch and the towing, those types of events can be unsettling for sure. Thankfully, your husband's friend saw you and brought you some comfort through it all. Breathe!!!!