There's a bunch of stuff you could do to improve. But I'd say for this story precisely you needed an arc: a beginning, middle, and end. This story is just all middle, ya know? It has a purpose in existing, no doubt - but what if the child wasn't his? what if he missed the train? what if he came back and she was different? what if she went to meet him and he has forgotten her? I dunno, I'm just throwing darts here. 😁
There has to be a transition, a character starts somewhere and ends somewhere else. She discovers something, or someone discovers her. And you can achieve this with very few words actually. The adage 'less is more' is trite most times, but it also fits. If you are aware that your stories need to be moving, all that's left is practice. Practice, practice, and at the end of it? More practice! yay!
That is, if you care about improving your craft. 😌
Just keep writing, and remember arcs! 😀
🍻
Thank you so much. I had written this story in a rush. It was an idea and I had written it immediately.
I understand what you are saying and I am grateful for your advice. I think i will have to rewrite this and post it.
Then, you read again and tell me what you think.
🤝