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Yoyo.

I wanted the piece to read breathless...hurried...without rest.

There's a difference between feeling breathless and tripping over yourself. I never doubted your intent, just its execution. 🙂

That's the problem with unsolicited advice, you don't have the full picture of the intention of the writer.

This is, IMO, the wrong mindset to have. I personally knew what you were trying to pull off here, think it's pretty obvious to the trained eye. But let's say I didn't - it still wouldn't matter. You should never be trying to defend yourself if you wanna get better, I'm not trying to tear you down but build you up. I think anyone can take something out of any advice/critique. Regardless of the author/commenter intent. Saying That's the problem to someone giving you advice is 💯 the wrong approach. It's not about you, or me, or the work - it's about getting better, improving your craft.

But that's just my 2 cents, you do you. 🤷‍♂

🍻

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