Trying so hard to fit in!
Being forced to conform!
Is this what we want for our children!
There are so many expectations placed on our children today (and lets be honest on adults too, but today I want to focus on our kids), how society expects them to behave a certain way and to have reached certain goals by a certain age.
From a young age, they are taught to focus on all of the wrong things and to see failure, as something negative, instead of embracing it as a wonderful opportunity for learning. Being competitive is seen as an essential trait, far more than being supportive of one another.
How to raise confident children, when society at large, wishes for them to conform and become a part of the system. A system that determines their worth,only by how much they can contribute towards keeping it going.
Where individual needs are rarely addressed and where our children are being taught to ignore their intuition. This happens through school, through the media and from the people in their lives.
When I first became a parent, I remember feeling this huge urge to protect my daughter, like this was my biggest responsibility and to some degree it is.
But we can not wrap them up in cotton wool, our children need to experience life, to see and feel what it is to be alive.
The greatest thing we can do for them, is guide them as they learn to protect themselves, so that they develop their own skills, based on their own needs and personalities. So that, they know how to react to those situations. So that they, hold on to their inner power.
Start by not pushing your expectations into them of those of others. Give them space to discover who they are and the time to explore who they want to be. When we start to put pressure on them, then they begin to place pressure on themselves.
So practice what you preach. It is all well and good to suggest something but if your actions tell a different story, then your words hold no meaning. Our children watch us all the time and it is more about what we do than what we say. That is why becoming a parent gives us the opportunity to work on ourselves. To practice what we preach.
To show them the importance of self care, by taking the time to care for ourselves. So that they see it as a natural part of life and not something that needs to be worked on (this is something I continue to work on, something I verbalize as well, how I need to take more time for me). Because they need to hear how important it is and to understand that everyone has needs, this helps towards having a more respectful relationship.
Showing them the importance of being authentic, by yes, you guessed it, by being authentic ourselves. Being true to who we are. Doing the things that make us happy, that feed our soul. Following our own path and not one that is expected of us or laid out for us. (I have managed to uphold this and it is so rewarding) it is so empowering.
Allowing our kids to be unsociable, if that is what they desire. There is this huge push for kids to socialize, robe around other kids. I have found that this is true when they are small but as they grow up and begin to connect more with who they are, some kids crave time to themselves and feel uncomfortable in large groups. This needs to be respected.
We need to accept and respect them for who they are, so that they can embrace themselves. To push away this idea that we need to “fit in” to society. Instead let them know how important it is to create the life they want and how very capable they are of doing just that.
Have conversations about failure and how it is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about ourselves and the world around us. How taking risks can create more opportunities and that life is not something to win at, but something we create and grow alongside of.
How it brings wonderful opportunities of learning and growth and that change is a constant in life and is something to be embraced. Change is a natural part of life!
Talk about the beauty of diversity within ourselves and others. How we all hold so much creative power within and that it comes in many different forms, all of which are essential in life.
We grow alongside of our children and they teach us so much about ourselves. Speak to them about us. Break down, this illusion that children need to be taught by adults and embrace and celebrate the learning that happens from both parties. Some of my greatest lessons, have come from my 3 year daughter, make sure to share this with them. So that we can have more respectful relationships, where they feel as valued as we do!
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Hi Aishlinn. This is such a good way to approach parenting. Your point about not pushing your own expectations on to them is something I do struggle with. My daughter is quite intelligent but like me she doesn't enjoy school. I know I should allow her to find her own path at her own pace but then I worry that she could get chewed up by the rat-race if she doesn't prepare herself in time. She is a teenager now and lately has become full of anxiety and won't open up about it. It feels awful not being in control of the situation but I just reasure her I am there whenever she needs me. You're dam right about our kids teaching us as much as we teach them. Sometimes they really do know how to hold a mirror up against us.
I hear you! I wish I could have read Aishlinn's insights when my girls were much younger, to avoid some of the pitfalls I'm seeing now they are nearing adulthood.
A rewind button would come in very handy. 1st thing I'd do is remove the mobile phone :)
I love the way you see parenting though I would like to know what your approach is regarding situations that you see as potentially harmful for your kids.
Regardless, I think you have a very loving view on children and they must be very happy to have you as their guide!
Loving your wise insights. I've featured your post in the @HomeEdders weekly curation.
Curated by @minismallholding on behalf of @HomeEdders.
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My father helped me to understand this post about kids'lives today.
I love Hive as an unschooled program that became bigger since the Corona.
Hive is part of my school.
I'm crossposting it in the Kidz Community. :-)
Thanks so much, that means a lot to me and yes Hive is a great resource to use in your learning, there is so much wonderful information stored on here xxx
Thanks.
Create a user for your kid, and teach how to publish posts.
I learned fast.