I am one of those people that hates being left out. Because of this, I tend to pursue friendships that maybe aren't the best for me. I often allow others to bully me, push me around, and talk about me. I have been doing this for years. My closest friends have often been the people who chose me simply because I won't fight back. When they are mad at me, I apologize regardless of it being my fault or not. I never bring up when they have done something to hurt me, and often push it down and simply forgive and try to forget. I hate conflict, and would rather be bullied than alone. Since moving away from the city, I have befriended some of those same people, I just thought I had more control of the situation because of my distance. Those same people that hurt me before, have crept back in. Every time I speak to them, I get sick. Physically ill. My stomach churns, my head aches, I struggle to breathe and I inevitably go to bed with tear stains on my pillowcase. And then I ask myself "Why?" Why do I allow others to manipulate me, and make me feel less than I am? I discount my abilities, my power, my strengths. I steal my own worth, and think my value comes from others.
Becoming a farmers wife has allowed me to be in solitude. To look inward. To focus upward. I spend many hours in a field pulling weeds, caring for seeds and small plants, and deciding what is good enough to be in my garden and what isn't. While pulling weeds though, I see myself. I see the dandelions. These flowers are firmly rooted in the ground. They have large reaching leaves. The bees love these in the winter when nothing else is blooming. They provide a happy color when everything surrounding it is brown, dry, and dead. The dandelion is one of those flowers that is necessary, even if it isn't the most beautiful. They feed bees when there is nothing else. They are edible, and can be used in teas and have healing properties. They give hope and color in a dead and brown world. However in the spring, when they bloom, these flowers are merely abused, hated, and ignored... They are often mowed over, ripped from the ground, discarded, and simply gone unnoticed.
But when they go to seed, they become magical. No longer will a stomp harm this flower. Their seeds will merely be planted, and more grow in its place. Its seeds become a wish for a child, a way for the innocent to place their dreams into the universe. Their seeds, when let go into the world, dance in the wind. They land in far away lands, growing into something beautiful that may or may not go unnoticed. Hoping to become a light in a dead and dry world. Helping those who would otherwise go without. Stronger on the inside than it appears from the outside. I am that dandelion.
I am so happy you are finding yourself. I love who you are becoming.
Gosh this is a gorgeous post!!! I think @zipporah will really love this too...you both have such poetry and grace in your writing!!!
I supposed this is a good time for you to grow and know yourself. farming is good for that.
The nice thing about WW... There are a lot of True and genuine hearts there who love to love!
Stick near them and you'll maybe find you won't have to choose loneliness or abuse.❤️❤️❤️❤️
Loved hearing your heart in this!
Thank you!
I love dandelions. And this metaphor. Really lovely post. So glad you're here! :)
Thank you! I'm happy to be here :)
At the earliest, it's one of the first foods for bees in spring... in fact, beneficial, and causes more good than harm. No idea why people kill the Dandelion in the chase for green grass, the nastiest weeds of all!
I agree! I used to fight for the grass, now I'm thinking its just another ploy to keep the sheeple occupied
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