What happened later?
A long time ago, barely 13 years old, I was about to finish my first year of high school. I never thought that at that moment I would meet a boy who would give my life a turn at such a young age, I had found my place, I was already sure of who I am or at least what my tastes were. Sometimes I asked me:
This will be fine? Is it wrong to be gay?
My mind really went round and round, whenever I was alone my mind kept thinking if I was really doing the right thing. Over time those thoughts stopped why keep thinking about whether it is right or wrong if in the end it makes me happy? I was not going to give up what I am for what others think or what society dictates in which we live... woman with man? where he says that I must love and have a woman by my side to be happy or vice versa can not I fall in love with someone because of their being rather than their gender?
Little by little I left the prejudices that my mind always made, but always when I was going out with that boy, I kept feeling guilty for having to lie to my mother about the person I was going to leave or what I was going to do I did not feel good lying, lying to the person I love most in the world, to my mother. Momentarily before leaving by the door of the house, I always thought:
Do I really have to hide from my mother who I am??
The truth is that he always ended up telling me the same answer "Yes, I have to hide it from her, I will hurt her by telling him, it is not the time yet". But how wrong I was, I just wanted to postpone things more so as not to confront my family, the truth is that I felt they would not see me with the same eyes if I told them. but I did not realize the error I was dragging until the inevitable happened, my mother found out about that adventure I had with that boy for less than a year, she face me and I wonder if I was gay... I take by surprise, but it was time, I could not continue to deceive and I affirmed with a slight movement of the head while my eyes were watery.
My mother started crying as she told me again and again that I was wrong. I felt that I had disappointed her, I felt miserable and sad, I could not stand to hear so many things my mother said, it was hurtful. As I could I went to my grandmother's house, with tears running down my face, I quickly went into the house to my room.
On the way my aunt and my grandmother realize, worried enter my room and begin to ask me what is wrong with me, I did not want to respond, I did not want to make things worse and I kept quiet, however my aunt breaks my silence and her asks me in a soft and serene voice:
Luis What's wrong, are you gay?
Overwhelmed by everything that had happened with my mother, I decided to finish with all that weight that was on top and I said yes, that my mother already knew and had not taken it at all well... to my surprise they They understood and supported me, they said they would always be there for me. I never thought I would receive so much support from them, my spirits began to change, I no longer felt so alone, but I still needed the approval of that woman who gave me life.
The next day my mother comes to look for me at my grandmother's house. My mother enrolled me in psychologists and counselors, I really saw it as unnecessary, but I wanted to please her, I felt it was a good way to help her understand what was happening. The days went by and things got worse, I did not feel the love that my mother offered me, I know she never stopped loving me, but she felt confused, this was not easy for her.
At the end of the sessions, the psychologist and the counselors decided to tell my mother that I was not going to change and that I would continue to be like that, but not to worry that there was nothing wrong with me. To tell the truth I never expected them to go and tell my mother that, except in my country where they look at homosexuality with suspicion, but it was like that.
That joy I felt when those people spoke with my mother did not last long, my mother became aggressive, my family could not tolerate those actions that my mother was taking towards me and decided to take her away from the family, my mother lost all contact with us because of three months, I felt frustrated because I wanted her by my side.
After about three months my mother calls me and asks me if I wanted to go for a walk around the city with her for a while, it took me a lot, we had not talked for three months, but I agreed, I really wanted to see her and I felt excited. When I got home, I went out and got into the car, immediately she hugged me. My mother started driving, we did not have a destination to go to, we were just going through the city, when suddenly my mother told me:
-Luis, I hope you forgive me for everything. You will always be my son, are you the light of my eyes and I only want your happiness. If you are happy, so am I..
Those words made my whole life happy! My mother accepted me, after that my life became incredible, the confidence of being able to tell everything that happened me to my mother, without fear of something, she became my best friend.
With this, I want you to know that God does not put challenges that we can not solve and if we can not, He will put the right people on our path so that it will be easier for us overcome them. Do not rush, the moment will come, it only depends on you if you take advantage of it or let it go. You have to bear in mind that sometimes opportunities are given only once in a lifetime and having confidence and honesty in every way with your family is phenomenal! Only you will know when that opportunity is, but always keep in mind that no matter how difficult the problem with your family becomes, you will always be part of them, they just need time to understand.
Thank you for sharing your story. This is very powerful. I too know what it’s like to hide and lie to my family about who I love. Coming out to my family was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But keeping it inside is a worse pain. And I will say I have definitely been surprised with how loving and accepting my family has been even though many of them still do not agree with my lifestyle. “Can not I fall in love with someone because of their being rather than their gender?” I love how you phrased that. People are people, we get so focused on what is considered a “normal” relationship of male and female that we don’t let love reach it’s full potential. I grew up “straight” in every sense of the word and didn’t realize I had the capacity to be gay until my wife @betterbeing came into my life and stole my heart. I loved her for who she was and gender didn’t matter. I loved her essence, her being. That’s what’s really important. Forcing ourselves to conform to societal and social norms is doing the whole of humanity a disservice.
Wow your comment is incredible, it came to me. Of course "But keeping it inside is a worse pain" although telling your family what you love is difficult, it is worse to hide it, they will understand and support you in the end, even if the process is a bit difficult and long the family will always be there for you . Life is too short to live in the shadows.
I really thank you for your comment. Love is love ❤
I am glad that your story had a happy ending. I was sadly not so lucky but I am very glad for you that she came around.
Oh that sounds bad, do not worry, in the end the time will put everything in order and the things that will come will be better. In the meantime you can count on me and with all the great community that this platform offers and even if we do not know each other in person, our stories unite us. Human quality begins with ourselves. Thank you very much for reading my post and for commenting
Love I will be 50 this spring when it comes to my family the relationship will never be fixed. My life was not easy but it was a productive one and I am mostly proud of. My friends became my family , life does what it does. You have a good heart your reply shows that. There are a ton of kids your age who lose everything when they come out having kind people to come to can mean the difference between life or death. There is a really high suicide rate amongst gay, LGBTQIA teens and young adults. What Saved me was that I had a group of accepting friends at the time without them I would not be here today. We live in interesting times right now on the one hand LGBTQIA rights have come far but on the other hand the political climate is turning against us in many countries right now. We shall see where it all is heading.
I hope everything goes in a good way.
Thanks for telling me your story ❤
@josegarm that was just so beautiful. I was tearing up while reading most of it. It sounds so emotional
Im so glad your mother finally came to accept you. Im so sorry you had to go through the pain and rejection you did for the first 3 months.
I'm very happy that you enjoyed reading my post. That's right, but sometimes you have to put up with a bit, put up with a bit ... as they say "after the storm comes the calm" and it's really like that
It's so tough when our mom initially rejects us, I had a very similar experience and I'm sure parts of that still affect me to this day. She did what she needed to do though to understand and help her change the beliefs she was raised with. I feel very lucky that my parents had the strength to challenge their beliefs and discover that their's nothing 'wrong' with me for being gay.
That's the best, the family should always understand and support
Thank you for sharing your story! I think you're incredibly brave to come out so early :) When I came out as gay it was pretty easy, so I cant imagine how it was for you when your mother reacted like that, but I'm so happy it ended well. Wish you the best of luck here on steemit, I will be following you! :)
Thanks, I'm glad you read my post, it's something important for me