A friend, whom I used to be close to, would cheat on his girlfriend then with several other girls. Then he'd whine to me about how angry he was whenever that girlfriend decide to go out to a club or something without him.
It was baffling, the double standards.
Another friend, who I bumped into once at a music festival, showed up without his wife. He was kind of intoxicated. He started telling me how I should never get married young. I asked him why he got married so young then and he bluntly replied, "Cause I was stupid!"
Then he introduced me to his female friend. I don't know where they went after that, but I know he was happy his wife wasn't there to spoil his fun since he... said so.
Whenever I look at Facebook and see how this friend or that friend just got engaged, I feel rather disillusioned because I know for a fact one of them is sleeping with someone else or has slept with someone else.
To break your sacred vows, wow!
Maybe it's just me being surrounded by assholes, but the problem here is that infidelity is so damn common today that people actually accept it and think that it's okay.
Time and time again, I'd encounter a friend who cheats and then twist the entire situation into their favor just so they can make it seem okay.
And the excuses cascade down the waterfall of deception. You heard'em before:
"I was drunk. It doesn't count."
"As long she doesn't find out, it's okay. She doesn't have to know."
"What happens in [whatever country] stays in [whatever country.]"
"I can do it, BUT HE CAN'T!"
"Guys are meant to fuck girls. Girls are meant to be fucked by us." This is a true statement told to me by a friend, who was married with kids.
And by far the most ridiculous excuse I came across online before, "We used a condom. Therefore, his penis didn't touch my vagina. It's not cheating!"
I shit you not.
When did infidelity and cheating become okay?
When? No seriously, just when? Why is it so common?
Did it become okay when somebody got bored?
Did it become okay when he felt he was too young and was missing out in life?
Did it become okay when she felt unhappy with him in the relationship?
Did it become okay when everyone was doing it and therefore it became okay just like that?
Did it become okay because you're just too scared to come clean and can't face the fact that you're indeed a cheater?
Where is the morality?
Where is the conscience?
Where is the decency?
Where is the common fucking sense?
We're still human and emotions make us do stupid things
But you know what?
I get it...
Sometimes, we do stupid shit especially when we're emotional.
It's easy to judge one's person actions on the outside and give him or her a death sentence, but we truly don't know what's really going on in their relationship.
The judgment and perception of how criminal infidelity is falls back on the rest of us too, the spectators
It's easy judge her for cheating, but then you find out her boyfriend has been abusing her all along or that he's an unemployed bum who doesn't want to do anything to support her.
It's easy judge him for cheating, but then you find out his girlfriend has been stealing his money or manipulating him to hate his own family.
First you said, "What a fucking slut!", but now you say, "Oh wow, I am glad she's cheating on him! He deserves it!"
First you said, "What a douchebag! He doesn't deserve her!", but now you say, "She's such a bitch. I am so happy he's finding happiness elsewhere."
And then there's the fact that infidelity comes in different levels
I know of couples who broke up because somebody caught someone texting flirty messages to somebody else.
I know of couples who think that's not a big deal at all and just roll with it.
There's always that other side to the story. Take me for example. I've cheated before.
And she cheated on me first. I tried to work it out, though I was deeply hurt and also filled with rage.
It wasn't an act of revenge or anything like that. I was drunk. I got caught. I came clean.
I said I was sorry, but I honestly didn't feel that sorry. I was just still angry and was really tired from feeling like that all the time.
I make no excuses for what I did, but I was just glad to leave the entire thing behind and move on with my life.
And I certainly didn't care what others thought of me then.
All in all, I think relationships are tricky, but infidelity isn't at all really
It's just a really bad side effect from unmet desires and the difference is whether you own up to it every step of the way.
Only you can own up to it. Only you.
This is your conscience and PRIDE in yourself.
If you think excuses, and not reasons are enough to justify your bullshit, then you must be quite a miserable person who's not even honest with himself.
It sucks that cheating has become common, but ultimately, others' relationships are not your business. Focus on your own. Their misery shouldn't have to spill over onto your life.
If you're unhappy with your partner, then communicate and talk it out.
If you don't want to be tied down so you can do things on your own, then just end it first and be on your way.
If you feel tempted and confused... just go home. Really. Just go home.
We may be emotional creatures, but we also have a brain.
Use it.
And stop hurting others intentionally.
That's not a tricky concept at all now is it?
Another way to stop cheating is to start giving permission. Polyamory and open relationships are a growing trend in most major american cities. It's not hard to see why.
I don't own my partners, and they don't own me.
A lot more relationships are headed that way. Unfortunately, most societies have an unwritten moral code that frowns upon it. Finding the right partner who is open to polyamory is the first step. Even if they aren't doing it themselves but have given you permission, takes a lot of unnecessary lying out of the relationship. Sadly we have been conditioned away from natural, instinctive behaviour, in order to conform.
Good point. They're pretty popular indeed, especially if it's plainly labelled as "friends with benefits."
Some people just don't go for that though. They want the commitment. Ironically, they end up cheating themselves.
The excuse I have heard is: "they did [some bad thing to me], so this is my way of getting back at them" or "this is my way of taking a break from them".
Honestly if you are not going to go full "open" as @ryan-singer just said, that is a total double standard.
Indeed. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Best to just leave.
The world needs more of you my friend.
Thank you man.
This is a good post. But it overlooked one fact, and that is that the mail individual all animal species are polygamy. To the best of our genetic legacy to mach with more females, and from this point it is not cheating but fulfilling the natural instinct.
Yeah sure. You tell that to your spouse.