Practice makes perfect, or so they say.
The reality is, although we may strive for Perfection, we can never achieve it. At least, not for very long. So, then, what does that inability to reach Perfection mean for any pursuit or ambition? If Perfection is unattainable, does that fact render any goal obsolete or meaningless?
Of course not.
Regular Practice is intended to increase our skills. When playing an instrument or learning a new language, we have to work at building competency. We improve our expected outcomes by committing ourselves to routine study. We expect to make mistakes, but those errors don’t define the worth of the training. They are the reason for it.
“If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.” – James Clear, Atomic Habits.
37 X better isn’t Perfection, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than you’ll get by doing nothing.
Sure. Some days you might complete a practice session with nothing to show for it but frustration. It feels like you took a step back. But occasionally, your daily improvement represents a material breakthrough. Yet, with time and through regular Practice, meaningful gains in performance should be expected.
And with those gains in ability comes something else just as important. Perhaps, even more critical:
Confidence.
Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance. It stems from an appreciation of one’s own skill, knowledge, or abilities.
Let’s dwell on that for a minute…
Self-assurance resulting from an appreciation of your very own skills, knowledge, and abilities. It’s easy to assume that as our natural aptitude or skill are developed, so too will be our self-assurance. Steady improvements in your Talent surely builds Confidence.
And through that Confidence, we can expect growing self-esteem.
In other words… Regular Practice builds improvements in ourselves over time. And through this, we can foster a growing belief in ourselves.
Yes, please.
Isn’t Confidence something we struggle with throughout our lives? Despite making gains in our relationships and careers, Doubt can still lay in wait, ready to ambush. It seems we’re never truly safe from the corruption of uncertainty.
Maintaining faith in ourselves is nearly as elusive as earning it in the first place. And for those of us who’ve faced a significant crisis or setback in Life – and who hasn’t? – regaining Confidence can be more challenging still.
The Mental Game casts a long shadow over the strengths and weaknesses we know or believe we possess.
No matter the ease or complexity of any skill we attempt to acquire… It is the Mental Game we must master to prevail.
And yet, so often, it’s the physical elements that we primarily concentrate on. We try to learn the steps. We obediently follow the program. We attempt to repeat what others have done before us, precisely as we’re shown.
This carries us only so far, though.
Until that is, we hit The Wall. A Wall of Obstacles. Of Adversity. Or we reach the limits of our understanding or physical dexterity.
The Wall is always there, Friends. Somewhere.
And that is when the fun truly starts…
Perhaps, then, we bear down. We redouble our efforts. We refuse to be stopped in our tracks. We’re committed! And so, we carry on with renewed determination.
And the Wall stands firm. Impenetrable.
This, my friends, is called an impasse. In weight loss or physical training, you’d call it a plateau. In your career, perhaps it would be called a ceiling. In a relationship? Stagnation.
This is where our path grows fainter on the horizon. Uncertainty settles in. A quick flash of light as Doubt lights a cigarette in the growing gloom…
This is the point where, despite your previous easy momentum, all progress grinds to a halt.
But wait, there’s more!
You decide to try even harder. You really, really mean it this time! You summon up all the power within yourself – and push!
And then The Wall pushes back. Hard. And then, more than that, it swings back. And knocks you on your ass.
Now, Life is presenting what we’d call a setback. A reversal of fortune. Or, for those of us who enjoy colorful metaphors: an absolute dumpster fire.
Job loss. Health problems. Relationship failure. Financial hardship.
It’s the place where our skills or luck have, at best, run out of steam. Or, more likely, come up completely short. It’s the moment when both answers and remedies escape us, and Doubt pulls up out front with a U-Haul.
Welcome to the Mental Game, Ladies and Gentlemen. Please have your tickets ready and your Psychologist standing by.
The Four Fun Ways to Respond
What do we do when we find ourselves in these sorts of catastrophic circumstances? We often resort to interpreting the meaning of our misery in one of Four Fun Ways:
- It’s me. It’s my fault. I suck. [Commence Downward spiral.]
- It’s you. It’s your fault. You suck. [Commence Downward spiral.]
- It’s Fate. Well, Fate is Fate. It’s just not meant to be. [Blank stare.]
- Or, you Regroup. ReThink. ReLoad. ReLaunch. [Ignition!]
And yes, in case you were wondering… The Four Fun Ways are in their likely order of occurring within your distressed brain.
For those of us who really like to party hardy, we’ll lump #1 and #2 together. This toxic, top-shelf liqueur of self-loathing and society-hating? It tastes terrible but packs a potent punch. We vacillate between beating ourselves up and thrashing everyone else for our problems. So. Much. Fun!
Of course, there’s the very trendy third Fun Way to respond to your misfortunes…
Blame it all on Fate.
My Friends, Fate is the Wheel of Fortune mindset of misery. I have no control over anything, and the future is absolutely stacked against me.
Why even try? Let’s just lay down in the street and Que Sera, Sera…
Not only is Que Sera Sera a bogus concept, in my questionably humble opinion, but it’s not even grammatically correct!
I despise this Fun Way the most. Why? Because it represents the ultimate capitulation of Personal Responsibility.
There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s Fate. It’s just not meant to be.
C’mon. What a cop-out.
(More on Fate and the Four Fun Ways in future posts, Friends.)
Fun Way #4, though. This is the Die Hard Action Movie of reactions. This is the get-in, buckle up, Let’s F’ing Go! reaction to Life’s challenges.
Yippee-ki-yea…
Our Mental Game is the solitary factor in choosing how we’ll react to The Wall. The more we practice our game, the better we’ll be at competing. And the better prepared we are to compete, the stronger our outcomes will undoubtedly be.
I’m pretty sure even the Grand Masters of The Mental Game still tip-toe through options #1 & #2, albeit quickly. But for many of us, that journey can last weeks. Months. Years.
Or, for those of you really committed to your crappy choices… That journey through the wilderness can last – Forever.
Now there’s something to look forward to.
We determine our own meaning for every experience in this Life.
Here’s the problem: we don’t always know how to interpret or find meaning. We don’t know what the most reasonable or rational response might be in any given situation. It just ain’t easy.
And what about all those pesky Human emotions raising havoc and getting in the way? Our senses are already under siege internally when we run into trouble out there in the big, bad world. It’s no wonder that Indecision seems to be the capital city of our confused state.
Sure. There’s a Big Top circus tent full of folks who’ll be happy to tell you what every minor setback or disaster means. Or, perhaps even why they happened.
But whether you attach your own significance to events in this Life or buy a Tarot Card interpretation from Miss Cleo… It remains solely your choice about what to believe. Why it’s happening. And what it all means.
Add in the fact that these choices hold a tremendous impact on our quality of Life, and the stakes continue to rise. Our interpretations either bankroll or bankrupt our ability to overcome adversity.
It’s Boom or Bust, baby.
We’re All Alike
Like you, my Life has been a collection of stellar victories and stunning defeats. Lucky strikes and bad breaks. A merry mix of divinely inspired decisions and, in hindsight, terrible choices. All in all, I think you could call it a rather Average Life. (Editor’s Note: For the record, I’ve made FAR more terrible decisions and precious few divine ones. Your results may vary.)
I’ve experienced great pain, crushing self-consciousness, and paralyzing self-Doubt. No more so than most of you, I’d bet. And as I’ve come to firmly believe, likely no less.
I’ve enjoyed decades joyfully consumed with Purpose. I pursued my Dreams with unrivaled Passion.
And then, for equally agonizing periods, not a lot seemed to matter to me anymore. I was aimless. Confused. Adrift.
What was the critical difference between those widely contrasting states of being?
The state of my Mental Game.
Well, sure, some would say. When things are going good, you FEEL good. And when things suck? You feel sucky. Simple.
Not so fast.
There were plenty of challenges during those periods of winning. The difference was that despite high hurdles being placed in my path… I had supreme Confidence in my ability to leap over them.
And equally as telling? There were times when fabulous opportunities would be set directly before me. For Love. Career. Or just plain ole, everyday vanilla happiness. But they would arrive at a time when all I could see was my shortcomings or weakness. I felt unworthy. Undeserving.
All I could do was worry that my deficiencies would be put on display for all to see. Instead of feeling excitement, I’d experience a tsunami of insecurity and self-Doubt. And I’d turn away.
The key component during those seemingly contrarian periods?
The state of my Mental Game.
When we’re weak or feeling vulnerable, every obstacle looms larger. Each obstruction appears more impossible to scale. We are prone to quit, run, or hide without the slightest attempt at finding a solution.
Our self-perception is the primary filter through which we interpret every experience or outcome.
If a low self-image isn’t enough to satisfy your desire for complete self-loathing, then get this… You export your self-perception to everyone else around you. They receive and affirm this perception and then pump that opinion right back into you. How’s that for efficiency?!
Feeling weak, insecure, inept, undeserving? You are serving up those beliefs hot ‘n fresh to friends, family, enemies, and strangers alike. By and large, people will buy what you’re selling if you really believe in it. And the more they buy it, the more you’ll believe in what you’re selling.
This is what a self-fulfilling prophecy looks like.
But you are not alone, Friend.
The Human Condition is Universal because we’re all created from the same Human stuff.
And this knowledge offers me great Hope and consolation. Why?
Because if we’re all cut from the same basic cloth, then my upside is just as high as the next guy or gal. Sure, my pattern might be a little different than yours, but cloth is cloth. Flesh is flesh.
We’re each unique in our particular mix of physical and mental qualities. These Gifts are conferred upon us by God, Chance, or (please, ugh) Fate. We all seem to accept this philosophically. So why, then, do we glorify the attractive qualities of others? And cut ourselves down in comparison?
Rather than coveting the Gifts bestowed on others… And tearing ourselves apart because we’re not as tall – artistic – athletic – fill in the blank – as that other guy… We probably ought to invest that energy in discovering and developing our own Gifts.
Easier said than done. I know. But it needs to be done, so let’s put that on our To-Do list.
We’re born. We Live. We die.
If you believe in Fate, I’ll give you this much; the above order of operations is undoubtedly our Fate.
We’re born. We Live. We die. Not much to argue about there, folks… That’s precisely what happens to each of us.
But what happens while we’re Living? Well, Friends, fortunately, that much remains partially under our control. Not total control, mind you. We can’t command the actions of others (at least not completely). We can’t control the weather, stock prices, or the wait time at the Wendy’s Drive-Thru window.
We do, however, maintain absolute control over our perception and reaction to Everything. Every person. Every experience. Every Action. If we choose to, that is. And this is where our true power emanates from.
Our interpretation of every aspect of Living shapes and directs our internal mindset. And, that same mindset serves as the ultimate guide to our external conduct.
So, what’s Next?
How do we improve our Mental Game? How do we develop the habits, controls, and processes necessary to forge ahead more Positively?
Glad you asked, Friend.
Through ongoing discovery, understanding, and Practice.
Like any other ability, building and maintaining a Positive Mindset requires Practice. It’s as much of a learned skill as archery or trigonometry. (Fortunately, there’s no Math required.)
PracticingPositive.com is created to help you uncover and maintain your Positive Mindset. To motivate you towards the discovery and development of your talents and abilities. And committed to igniting and fueling your path to Passion and Purpose.
Why?
MY Passion and my Purpose are to help others discover THEIR Passion and Purpose. It’s really that simple.
Well, OK, maybe it’s not THAT simple… (We’ll get to this another time.)
But I think that’s the entire point of this exercise; this experiment. This lil’ blog ‘o mine.
I’m here to tell you that everything can change.
How? By:
- Creating and Maintaining a powerful, Positive Mindset;
- Appreciating our Strengths and what works for us Right Now;
- Determining what our Dreams really are, and what the future could be;
- Finding our Purpose and using our Passion as Positive Fuel.
And along the way, we’ll:
Silence the negative, self-destructive voice we listen to;
Build Competence in our natural Gifts, Skills, and Talents;
Redirect our focus away from what might be lost, broken, or wrong with us;
Craft a realistic, personal Plan of Action to create Positive change in our Life.
The formula is simple. It’s the mastery that can prove challenging. But it’s the Practice that makes Perfect. Or at least, it’s the Practice that moves us closer to Perfection.
I’m hopeful that you’ll find things of value here. Ideas. Best Practices. Support.
If nothing else, I thank you for stopping by and invite you to do so again in the future. Read a post, drop a comment, and let’s share a moment together.
Final thought…
There may be no tomorrow. And yesterday is beyond our reach. All we truly have is – Right Now.
Whatever it is you hope to do with your Life, Right Now is the best time - the only time - to get busy doing it.
You have written so well an inspiring post.
Thank you.