I've outgrown a lot of people in my life. In fact, I just outgrew another one. Actually, I think I'm outgrowing a lot of people right now. I'm used to this. I make a lot of growth spurts in my life. During these spurts a lot of things die. And with that comes relationships.
I'm actually a very loyal person, and I have a set of people in my life who are my everything and are a core of my life. I've been with my husband for nineteen years - over half of my life. Those certain core friendships that go to the heart - those are a constant. Sometimes the constants in your life are blood relatives. Often they're not. In my case, they've not been.
It was painful for me to outgrow my blood relatives. There's a stigma against outgrowing relationships, namely blood relationships. The internet is littered with cute quips about moving on from toxic people. They're brimming with feelings of justice and rage and taking our power back and saying a big ol' fuck you.
But here's what I've learned in my life from outgrowing the vast majority of relationships that I've had - LET. IT. FLOW. There's all sorts of resistance tied up in this notion of CUTTING OUT TOXIC PEOPLE. First of all, what does toxic mean? I've known some mean people. I've known some disrespectful people. I've known some narcissists. I've known people who are rude. I've known people who have done bad things to me and hurt me. I've known people who turned out to be immature.
I believe in Law of Attraction. And I don't say that in some whimsical "woo" way. When I say I believe in it I mean that I have studied it thoroughly for years and have tested it extensively in my life. We evoke behaviors from people. Have you ever noticed that people act differently around different people? Have you ever noticed that you tend to have the same kinds of problems with people? I certainly do. What's the common denominator?
A relationship is just that: a relationship. It's a force. It's a thing that exists on its own between two people. Every behavior takes a giver and a receiver. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from receiving. Everybody has issues. So this notion of toxic people is really quite self righteous and lacks nuance. Even Hitler had good qualities. (Ok, Hitler was toxic. 😂)
I've moved on from blood relatives; I've moved on from friends; I've moved on from acquaintances and groups; I've moved on from working relationships; I've moved on from formal teachers. And it's not a permanent thing. It's not a "removing" thing. It's a flow thing. It's a not accepting what you don't like thing. When I don't like something, I naturally gravitate away from it. Seems healthy, right? In the grand scheme of things, we can never be out of relationship with anyone because we're all connected forever eternally. And the people who are the most difficult are our best teachers. And it's been said that our most difficult teachers are closest to us on "the other side." I believe that through my personal experience.
We've all heard the saying that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. It's best not to be attached to any. I believe that life is intelligent. It brings people into our lives to trigger us so we can learn, to help our hearts expand, to give us a leg up, to give us love, to give us a smile. Life is always giving us what we need. What's really good for you at one time may not be good for you at another time. And we live in relationship to people. They're our biggest source of expansion. When somebody doesn't feel good to you anymore, let it flow. Be open to them feeling good at any time. Say no to what doesn't feel good; say yes to what does. Know that you are the common denominator. Be around who you like to be around and not who you don't like to be around. That's it. Let it flow.
And I just stumbled on this on instagram (Law of Attraction), so it's going here.
*Edit: And I just realized I drew this card this morning.
I'm putting together a course on dealing with toxic people (working title). It's taking some time to come together, but if you're interested, like Bright Star on Facebook to stay posted.
awesome reminder <3
Not protecting yourself from toxic people is a form of self-abuse imho.
i.e. If every time you visit a family member, they try to hurt you, that's on them.
I had a mother like that... mentally ill.... was sad, she couldn't stop being cruel, felt sorry for her but I decided to untie myself from the whipping post.
I hope she found peace but it wasn't in this life.