I am going to do something silly and write another comment. Apologies if it looks like duplication but I love clearly threaded items and this comment is not the stream of consciousness that the last one was. Rather I just wanted to add some things I have noticed in our world's culture, typically a bit older than the modern one, which seems to signify that people of yore have thought on some of the points you bring up and they have tried to tackle it in different ways.
Not allowing people to be alone.
I have seen in multiple parts of India that whenever there is a major event, good or bad, the main protaganists are never left alone. For eg, a groom or bride will have their cousins and friends around them 24x7 from a few days before the marriage till the event itself. Same happens when someone passes away, so faces a bad deal in life. Someone is immediately partnered with you. For the most part it seems to me a case of people not wanting the affected person going into any kind of unwanted mental loop and do something untoward. Instead having someone around to keep talking, to keep pulling your attention to mundane tasks, and provide a sounding board, might help bleed out any pressure that is building up. In India there are pretty much elaborate rituals for it, but I feel at least with death, all ancient cultures have something akin to a burial requiring community to come together followed by some kind of wake when people can check in with the affected family.Pushing people to forget the matter
This seems to me to be more of a modern problem. Afaik in my grandfather's generation almost all activities were so much of a society norm or ritual that there were very few things which did not have a process attached to it. That process would occupy you but not necessarily keep you away from grieving. But today's fast world where "time is money", there is no longer enough time available for the luxury of grieving. As an outsider the only way i have seen the western world solve it is through therapy. where essentially the process is sanctified as required by a professional which then allows society a formal reason to allow you to grieve. In the eastern world even that therapy approach is pooh poohed. There is work to be done, money to be minted to pay for the burial, the cremation, the 2-3 months of hospital charges that now need to be paid, etc. in case of someone passing away for eg. This was not the case when people in my grandfather's generation passed away. If there is a death in the village most men in the village will take a leave and go to the cremation to pay their last respects. Then spend some time with the family. After a certain prescribed nos of days they would again take leave to go and visit the family for a wake like ceremony. Nowadays we just don't have enough time for that.Self care v/s Selfish
Sacrifice and selflessness are two words which are too deep into our culture especially in populous developing countries like mine. Even hard core capitalists here will talk about these words, that is how deep it is. In this scenario to take care of oneself is never going to be easy to do. And it will be double hard for the female gender, where somehow the expectation is to be even more sacrificing and self effacing :(
I don't know how to solve it tbh. I do feel my ancestors did do a bit better with their talk on importance of mediations and self reflections. But no way to confirm on that.
Ok that's what i was thinking of when i was reading through the post. I don't know how much it reflects the post and how much is just a distraction :) But I will just leave it here for now :)
Ah 🧡 Thank you @brijwhiz for taking the time to share your thoughts!
It's clear that you've given considerable introspection to your own journey and the societal and cultural aspects that shape our experiences. Certainly, I resonate with your fear of delving too deep into oneself and the potential consequences it might have on those who depend on you... It really is a delicate balance between self-discovery and fulfilling responsibilities to others, isn't it? I understand that it can be difficult. I hope your experiment in moving towards a more active reflective state proves insightful.
Your observations about societal norms and practices, particularly in India, offer a unique perspective here. Food for thought. The contrast between past and present approaches to grief and self-care is intriguing, and the comparison you have made with your grandfather and his generation also raises questions about the evolving dynamics of our fast-paced world. So, thank you also for expanding on the cultural aspects and traditions related to grief and self-care. Your insights have added depth to this conversation, and it's valuable to consider how societal norms shape our responses to personal challenges.
It's been very rewarding, reading through your comments. Great unpacking. Really, thank you again for sharing. Giggled at the thought of this being read out in a robotic male voice, haha! What a thought. Hugs back.