I was very lucky. I grew up in a very stable, happy, healthy household that supported my hopes and dreams, gave me love, discipline and tons of self-esteem. I never wanted for anything, but was never made to believe that I would just be handed everything. I learned what is to earn things, to be decent, open-minded, speak my mind and to be compassionate. I did this in a household that wasn't like the Cosby Show though. My parents divorced when I was four. I grew up in a household with a successful, working mother who did not bake cookies and knit. She was a classy, passionate, well-spoken, corporate mom who balanced work with also being at each and every school function I entered. I also grew up with my grandparents in my household. Two, refined, retired folks that taught me all about politics, social justice, how to throw a fabulous dinner party and how to treat your neighbors. My father lived in a different state, but he taught me how to be determined, stand my ground and to never let a guy be disrespectful. I had a an aunt that lived three hours away that was intricately a part of my life as well. She taught me about art. comedy, creativity and free-thinking. All of those people in my life have passed away.
I say all this to also say; family isn't about blood at all. Even though I had a really wonderful upbringing, I have friends in my life that are closer to me than any family that I have now. They have been with me threw thick and thin. I can call on them whenever and they can do the same. Family has zero to do with your DNA. Family is about a commitment. It is about support and love. It is about an embracing into someone's life.
Sometimes, family can be the worst! There are some members of my own family that I choose to love from a distance. Just because someone is related to you, doesn't mean that you must suffer in their presence. You can cut them loose. Anyone that continues to bring you undue stress and strife does not deserve to be in your life just because you share DNA.
I often find that we seem to lower the bar when it comes to family. We hold our standards very high on what we will or will not accept from co-workers, friends or significant others...but when it comes to family we seems to shift. We seem to almost justify or expect family to treat us otherwise. I do not agree with this. If anything, family should hold themselves to a higher standard. However, just as you said, it is perfectly okay to just move on! Great post!!!!!
Thank you for the kind words and the excellent, personal anecdote to illustrate the point. I think not only is the depth of understanding you illustrate important for our selves, but it is important that we change the paradigm in our Nation because the ongoing perpetuation of the illusion that families should be perfect and that having a supportive family is paramount is destroying so many people who are living the reality that this isn't true. It is so horrible how many people I know who have varying degrees of broken families and suffer from not just the dysfunction itself, but the added stress/concern that they are to blame or that it makes them a bad person, etc... We need to be free from these artificial Hallmark fantasies.
Agreed! No one's family is picture perfect. No one should be beat themselves up or feel any type of stress or pain because their family does not reflect families from television shows. That simply isn't reality. People are flawed and imperfect and they have children and grandchildren. Just because we may come from dysfunction doesn't mean that we are automatically dysfunctional and it does not mean that we must stay in the presence of dysfunction.