Hi lovely,
So, we've only just met- but you're part of my Welcome Wagon family, so I wanted to reach out to you. I have both seen and felt flashes of how you describe you're feeling in the past. I wish I could advise you- but all I can give you are some of the things that help me. Maybe they will for you too.
It's not the big, sweeping answers that got me through. It wasn't anything external- looking to the big house, the dream job as you described. It was allowing myself to notice and feel really small things again. Going from those wide sweeping thoughts that inevitably lead me to darkness and instead, coming back to small things. Remembering how much joy tiny things can hold. These might sound corny or completely wrong for you- but search your heart and you'll find the tiny gems that are your versions. They're like little seeds. Mine were... how much I love hot chocolate (yes really.) Sitting and watching clouds pass over. Listening to my favourite song - which eventually led me to hunting for new favourites.
People might think this is me minimizing the nature of what you're feeling and going through - but when I had those feelings- this minimising is what I needed. Going right back to the smallest thing which can give you joy. And joy can be fleeting, but those seconds can change your life... because through them you can find joy again and again.
Sending you so much love.
Eveningart x