Decisions about caring for a mentally ill father in law!
26 years, that is how long I have been involved with an inlaw who has mental health issues. That is a long time for someone to learn how to handle certain situations. Sometimes just plain common sense willo prevail, but only if others listen to the advice.
My father in law has been in and out of hospitals since in his early 20's, he is in his mid 60's now.
The first time I met him, he was pleasant and full of life. I had been warned about his "episodes" and was told to stay away from him during those times. It has been relatively easy, well except from the countless, late night, frustrating calls at all hours of the night.
Imagine being called 11pm, 12am, 1am, 2am by someone who has not been well mentally and the incoherent conversations you would have trying to tell them to it is late and to go bed. Yet they don't see what they are doing is wrong, it is about their needs to talk about whatever may be on their mind at that moment, no matter the subject.
Having to lock yourself into a room in fear of them hurting you when they think you are out to get them. It is not an easy life when you have someone who is creates so much drama while you are trying to keep your own sanity.
Now, my dilemma was that I had him arrested 2 weeks ago because of no contact order that he just refused to abide by. He has no clue it is was me who called and god help me if he ever finds out. I would have to dig one hell of a huge hole somewhere and go into hiding.
So he was given a choice, either check himself into the hospital or go to jail. Peering in someones windows and watching them is not ok and definitely not of a sane person. He refused to leave and my rationale was whether he goes to the hospital or Jail, he would have a roof over his head, fed and someone would make sure he is getting his meds. No one would have to worry about him commiting suicide or attaching someone. We could all breathe easier knowing he was where he was not able to do what he wants.
What happens, my brother in law bails him out, his wife being a nurse said she would take care of him. Well that last a whopping 2 days before he had her in tears and wanting him as far away as she could get him. Then this episode of going back to jail for breach of bail, my other brother in law bails him out. All of this is pointless because once he is out he refuses to take any of his meds.
Now I have to deal with my brother in law calling asking us to speak to his father, try to get him to go to bed, complaining about his fathers antics and how he is upsetting the entire house. Yesterday my father is law decided to take off in his car at 5am with no word. So when my brogther in law got up to go to work, dad is gone, car is gone and no one knows where he is or what he is doing.
Today I get a call from my father in law, all happy go lucky and acting like all is right in the world. Another one of his strange character sides. Some days he is confused, others he is angry and argumentive with everyone and others he thinks everyone is out to get him.
I recommended revoking his bail and putting him back in jail until his hearing next week when his doctor is recommending a 60 day assessment. Which would aide us on deciding to have him commited now or not.
You see, he has been on every medicine he can be on over the years, his liver was being eaten away by one med so they put him on a different one that was affecting his kidneys. There really are no other options now. The decision has to be made no matter how hard it is to do.
This is my dilemma and I can only hope he gets the help he needs. But I truly believe he is too far gone to be able to recover this time. This break down has lasted a year so far and even his own doctor said to leave him in jail for now. I just wish my inlaws listened to my advice and his doctors so we could live in what little peace we have when he is not on the loose.
Sigh, a breaking heart in the making.
Nov 6, 11:3am The police are not looking for my father in law. He got into a physical altercation with my brother in law. Jumped in his car, hit the house with it and then drove all over the nieghbors lawns and took off.
I can only hope that when he is found he will go peacefully with the police.
I have come across a book called Niacin The Real Story by Abram Hoffer (or similar name) and two other doctors recently. .. you will find it interesting I think. it talks about Niacin (vitamin B3) helping greatly with this illness. Good luck to you and your family
If memory serves me right, I believe he did the B3 shots. The issue is that he has been on so many meds for so long, they have depleted what they can give him that will work. His body has become immune to most of them now. But I will definitely look up that book. It may help me to understand things better. Thank you.
Out of my personal experience of dating a PS i found it was like a sepf enduced stockholm effect. Good luck to you and yours!
Love & peace!
Sad story. Illness is tough to deal with. I'll pray for you.
It is sad, to love someone and watch them self destruct and your options are so limited. The medical profession doesn't want to deal with them anymore. 2 weeks in a hospital, keep them doped up and send them on their way. A very sad state of affairs.
another comment here mentions niacin (B3). i would start there then i would alter the rest of my diet. i had to make a hobby out of my diet, or i would be dead. so, i did.
everyone is different. the information is out there. everything you learn, is an increase in aggregate knowledge. it can improve more lives than just the one person.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/34390-schizophrenia-types-hallucinations/
http://orthomolecular.org/library/jom/1972/pdf/1972-v01n01-p046.pdf
i would start here and make alterations to tailor to fit. at the very least it might help slow or stop the degradation caused by the drugs.
i would get checked for heavy metals too.
diet is the most important thing after breathing.
this is what i would do. i can't tell anyone else what to do.
please, use your judgement.
Our problem is that he sees more than one Psychiatrist and they are all saying that he is to far gone now to come back from it with meds. When his own doctors recommend to the courts to just leave him in jail until his hearing, ordering a 60 day assessment to determin if he is really that far gone or is he just becoming this way due to his being angry at the world, makes you wonder. He has not been assessed for more that 2 weeks so maybe this time it will clearly let us know what we are dealing with. That worse part of this is that his son who he is living with at this time, we believe him to have the same illness as his father. This can make for a very toxic situation for both of them. I wish they had just left him in jail until his court date which is this Tuesday. He needs help and none of us are capable of giving the help he needs. Yes we support him, try to talk him down all the time which helps sometimes but this is a man who once got his hands on a gun, drove across the border crossing with it to go kill his brother. As sick as he is, we need our own lives too, 26 years I personally have had to hide from him because he views me as his sons "gate keeper" and that I keep him from my husband. So this puts me in a very bad place if he ever severly went off again. I love him, I feel bad for him and only wants whats best for him and I believe if not in a hospital, then at least in Jail he will be safe and we can stop living in fear of him. His doctors are throwing up their hands in regard to treatment for him. They have exhausted all of their means on him so what are we to do now? Even if he can get on a new drug, the current one costs 15,000 a month, he refuses to take them as prescribed which only exacerbates the problem.
the psychiatrists have brought the situation to the failed state that currently exists. i, personally, wouldn't continue to trust failure.
if his son is suffering from the same then it is more important to solve this, or lose them both.
i have found that fear and anger feed these situations, but cannot be sustained once the underlying dietary imbalances are resolved. i solved all of my addictions through diet, and removing external environmental factors, such as, specifically, mold exposure. once i became healthy, all of my cravings just faded away. my former behaviors seem alien to me now, as if they happened to someone else. it is amazing to have my brain back.
this is true of all but physiological damage, as far as i can tell, but i have seen progress with diet in resolving even TBI.
i believe the meds are dangerous. if he is on SSRIs, then i have little more to say, as i believe these are designed to be addictive and dangerous to get off.
i wish you well, good luck with whatever you decide.
We really have tried everything we can. He eats well and healthy, my mother law was a caterer and always made sure he ate lots of fruit and veggies, along with dietary supplement drinks and natural yogurts. They have trief natural ways also but one of the largest issues is that you can't monitor him when he is left alone when everyone else is at work. When he left to his own wits he undoes everything we have all been trying so hard to help him with. This tells me he is unable to make the proper decisions to take care of himself. We can't quit our jobs to care full time for him so it really is a catch 22. This is what he neede, 24/7 care. My mother in law woke up a couple months ago, he was sitting ontop of her covering her face with his hands. She pulled his hands away forcefully and asked why he was doing this to he. His response was "why, can't you breathe?". He has become so unstable that she now fears for her own life. I can't make any decisions about how to handle this situation, but I can make recommendations and will ask her about taking him to a naturepath to see what they recommend. Thank you for your feedback.
diet is the key. if what is being done is not working then it is not healthy. the fact itself demonstrates this. i thought i was eating healthy food, right up until i got double cancer. if the data disagrees with the theory, the theory is wrong. i don't want you to think i am just berating you, but if the actions taken do not work, they must be changed to find success. if i can help let me know.
I understand what you are saying but how do you control what someone eats without buckling them down and force feeding them? You can't make someone eat or do anything they are not willing to do and this is the problem. He is on the loose, not living in one place, sometimes his car, how do you tell him what to eat during this time? There is an APB out for him now cause he got into a fist fight with his son over an hour ago, got into his car, ran the car into his sons house and then over the neighbors lawns and took off. How do you control what someone eats when this is what we are dealing with?
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. Mental illness is tough. If your father-in-law is refusing treatment, then there really isn't much that you can do, be it natural or prescription. Having to choose between having him jailed or committed is a heartbreaking decision, made worse by your family not being all on the same page about what to do. I'll light a candle for you.
Thanks, it is really starting to wear us all down at this point. We can only hope the Courts on Tuesday will force him to get the care he needs. Maybe then the family can have some peace in their lives. My mother in law has been so scared of him lately that she ended up leaving him. He showed up in her yard, kneeling down and praying in the middle of the grass, he is not a religous man but we feel he thought if he did this he would show her how much he wants her back. He has recently become physical with her and she had recent major surgery. She simply can't do it anymore, she is mentally and physically exhausted.
Thanks, it is really starting to wear us all down at this point. We can only hope the Courts on Tuesday will force him to get the care he needs. Maybe then the family can have some peace in their lives. My mother in law has been so scared of him lately that she ended up leaving him. He showed up in her yard, kneeling down and praying in the middle of the grass, he is not a religous man but we feel he thought if he did this he would show her how much he wants her back. He has recently become physical with her and she had recent major surgery. She simply can't do it anymore, she is mentally and physically exhausted.