Lately, I’ve been heading for a breakdown. That’s part of a song I’ve been listening to the past couple of days, and it’s semi-true. I gotta say, thinking about your life for more than 7 consecutive seconds, is dangerous, so don’t do it.
I haven’t been to a public gathering of christians in months, and it has been gloriously freeing. I have gotten messages telling me it’s a sin to be ‘unchurched’ and a million questions on why I have ‘backslidden’, as if going to the public gathering of christians define my relationship with God and Jesus and Holy Spirit. I’ve been thinking a lot about christianity and the definition of that, and with that how we define ourselves and all those dandy things. I’ve seen christians operate and the world’s response to christians and I’ve been extremely saddened. A few weeks ago I exclaimed to my ever-patient flatmate, ‘I’ve decided I am not a christian anymore. I simply love Jesus.’ Reasoning behind this whole new shift is that I am fed up with christianity. I am fed up with the new made-up rules. I am fed up with the subtle implying of trends that you should adhere to and if you don’t, sorry neh, you can’t sit with us. They say ‘come as you are’ but when you do just leave your crap at the door. I am fed up with the man-made god that’s being worshipped that resembles santa more than Jesus. What I am struggling with the most is that I find it hard to differentiate between the church and the world. People always have this question, ‘Why don’t the church have any effect on the world?’ Well, it is because the world is so involved in the church and the church is bowing down to the world’s every whim. I love it where Jesus asks God to leave us in this world even though we’re not from here.
The reason for this whole thing you’ve just read is probably because I have been hurt by this system way too many times to count. And some wise person once said that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. For the past four years, I have been doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Only in the past few months have I been doing things differently and the results are not being christian anymore. In this whole transformation I have fallen in love with Jesus more. I have seen Him more without the ‘christian duty’ to spend time with my Saviour. Time with Him is sweet because I’ve been stripped of all stereotypes and rules. I’ve been stripped of a religion I thought defined a people and found the Saviour that I’ve always wanted. In this Jesus I am getting to know now, there’ are truth and SO MUCH grace, I’ve found His gentle heart and His love for me. I have found that part of His heart that weeps when I weep, and I have found that He is not surprised by every emotion that comes out of me. That’s amazing. Like I’ve said in a previous post, christianity without Christ is just ianity, and that does not make any sense, just like life without Christ.
The best encounter I’ve had because of this fed-upness of christianity was when I was on the streets the other day, sharing a coffee with one of my friends. She asked me, ‘So what religion are you?’ And I told her, I don’t have one, but I sure do love Jesus. She said, well then you’re a christian. She continued with how much abuse she’s had to endure at the hands and mouths of christians and my heart and soul wept. I got to tell her just how wrong that is. That no one has a right to do that. I told her that story where Jesus spoke to the woman at the well. Firstly: He sat there waiting for her. Secondly: He knew her heart, and STILL went to get her. How crazy is that? I asked my friend, ‘Does this sound like what those people would’ve done?’ She said no, and I got to tell her some more stories of the real Jesus. Not some judgemental man with great hair. But a man that walked the earth teaching and loving. Breaking down barriers, stripping titles and enabling every single person He encountered, even the pharisees, to come to Him.
I am ALWAYS intrigued when I hear a christian say gay people can’t be christians. Like it’s an elite group of people who have sorted out their crap and are perfect. No cursing, watching porn, flicking someone off in traffic, screaming at their spouse, making another person stumble, gossiping, being racist, the list goes on and on. When did christians get so mean? Jesus wasn’t mean.
Let me sketch a question for ya’ll, feel free to answer if you can:
Okay, christians believe (and I know this because I was one) that Jesus is the only One that can transform, not change, but transform (big difference there) our hearts. He is the only one that can turn junkies into saints. He is the only one that can turn porn stars into evangelists. Now, when I read my Bible, and I follow Jesus around talking to people He ALWAYS first invites the person to Him, and when they have encountered Him He then encourages them to go sin no more. Now, what christians expect of the gay community and all other ‘major sinners’ is to sort their crap out and then come to Christ. Isn’t that a direct contradiction to what Jesus did? Is He not THE ONLY ONE that will transform someone and enable them to not sin anymore? How the hell do you expect anyone to be transformed if they can’t be invited into a relationship with Jesus? How? I really want answers, because what I am seeing at this point is: the number one reason for people not wanting to come to Jesus is christians.
I can probably say this here, because I have access to this platform, but the only way I have been able to work through my own struggle with homosexuality and other fights and addictions, is because I have been able to do it with Jesus. And I can also tell you, that the whole approach the ‘church’ is taking is wrong on so many levels. It’s about what causes the sin. Sure, sometimes I curse because I have a mouth. But here’s the thing, homosexuality is a symptom of a lot of other things that’s going on in a person. The reason you get the flu is because there’s a bug in you and it causes physical symptoms like snot, and sore body and all those other things. Just like being physically sick it’s the same with the spiritual stuff. Hear me out, I am not making excuses for sinning, or condoning it in any way, but we have to realise that sometimes the reason for sinning may be something way different than what the person actually did. Jesus did this so well, because He KNEW the hearts of people. Even before He met them He knew what was going on in their lives and their thoughts and I am convinced that if we actually took time out, sat with people, maybe shared a meal and we got to know their hearts and hear their stories, we would respond in a totally different way. Maybe even in a way that represents Jesus well. And when I read my Bible and how Jesus and His disciples interacted, that’s what they did. They sat around a table, broke bread and spoke. They got to know each other intimately, which changes the whole game. That’s the church. That’s the body of Christ. His heart is so inclined towards His children.
As I’ve said before, Jesus never called us to be christians, He called us to be disciples.