I’m done people. Seriously done. The gloves have come off and I have my fucking wolf teeth back. I am done being nice, sitting back and taking whatever people say and not saying a word. After I sat there half the night talking and saying that if you haven’t been through something you can’t really say what you would do and having him again start talking shit, I went from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds flat. This is the very first time I have ever been this pissed that I yelled at him to “Get the fuck out!” Of course, he didn’t so, I took a lap around the block or otherwise, he was gonna get a crutch upside the head.
Sat there doing the exact things I just had touched on a few days previously.
I don’t mind when people talk to me about different solutions or different ways that they see of doing things. What I don’t appreciate at all is when someone tries to treat me like I am just ignorant and their way is the only way, especially when they haven’t had the same struggles.
For 37 years, I did whatever my family needed me to do because I didn’t want to leave them in a worse position like most of the rest of my family did years ago when they all just drifted away and quit talking to each other. I forgot about anything that I wanted for the most part and would help if I could. Every decision I made had to do with not making their lives worse and never really thinking much about what dreams I wanted to fulfill and mark off my list. I did manage to squeeze college in there in hopes of bettering my chances of getting a job and trying to move forward…but we see how well that turned out.
That day late in October 2015, I think was God’s way of telling me to get out and forge my own life. Do me. I was literally at the end of my rope trying to be everything for everyone else and having nothing for me. I am no saint and not close to being perfect, but how much is one person supposed to take before they say, “Fuck it, I’m out!”
Most people who have never hit rock bottom don’t even have any idea what it is like to have to forge a different path when one plan completely goes to shit. Some of us have constant speed bumps, roadblocks, and mountains to climb. Ever since I drew my first breath, the cards were stacked against me but I wasn’t going to let that be the thing that defined me. I was going to fight, fight, fight until I got where I wanted to be. It was going to be the biggest fuck you to the ones who never thought I would do shit and a middle finger to match.
Unless you know someone’s whole life story, you might not be aware of some of the reasons that they might act a certain way or why they have made the choices that they have. I feel that most people who have never been around me or don’t know me that well have some preconceived notions or they assume things when they see my crutches. They draw the conclusion that I can’t do this or that, and just think I want to sit on my ass and do nothing. Whether you realize it or not, I have some purpose here on this ball of dirt too.
It seems in today’s society there seems to be less of trying to put yourself in other people’s shoes and more of making someone feel like a piece of shit if they don’t have the same level of success as you do or don’t fit into whatever box they have for you today. The American dream used to be about freedom but, now it’s about coloring in the lines of whatever law or whatever viewpoint sounds good for the moment.
You can offer your thoughts about a subject but it does not mean that someone else has to go along with what you say. That’s the problem anymore, most don’t think for themselves, they just go along with whatever the majority of society thinks. I have to answer to GOD, not to you or anyone else.
I played the nice, silent woman for too long…
Declaring war