Here's to Life, into darkness.

Just got another lung infection. Something is really wrong with my immune system. I'm ending up with infections all over the place, not being kill them off completely. First the ordeal with the giardia infection. Now a lung infection. My nerves are shot from having multiple infections and perhaps the antibiotic use.

Everyday I'm in nerve pain, muscle pain, really sick all the time. Can't sleep without medicine, the benzos with antihistamines are doing a good job at keeping me sleep. Just make me feel like a zombie during the day.

Getting high on opiates oxycodone, keep the pain away, but just temporarily. The annoying thing about them is they make my body and hands shake. I will probably end up addicted to these. I'm already having withdrawal symptoms from the benzos I'm taking. As being physically addicted to benzos before and went into rehab from them. Took me 3 months to clear the addiction. Now I'm at square one again, plus I'm taking opiates with them. Going to be a fun ride, the rest of my life, high on medication, a f****** junkie. Not to mention I'll be adding Seroquel to my daily dose.

I'm still depressed, but I'm refusing to take my anti depressants. The doctor wants me to load up on medicines. I will be a perfect product for the medical industry, creating jobs, costing the average worker a whole bunch of tax, so I can just get high and have less pain. Sometimes I wonder, maybe it's just better off being dead. A great thing to think about when you just became a father.

I'll keep on fighting for the people I love and cherish the most. If I ever knew I would be such a pharmaceutical mess, I wouldn't have started a relationship, I wouldn't have had a kid. What the hell did I get myself into??

A few months back I was still a happy camper and didn't have that many medication. Damn, life can get to you fast man. I'm still just 29 years old, I wonder what I can add to the list when I'm 50 or 60 years old. If I'm going to make it that far, that is.