Any long time reader of this blog knows that I am somewhat chronically over busy. That might be an understatement. Here's the thing though, I spent the first half of my life chronically ill and miserable, so after years of research, trial and error, and a whole lot of self-healing, I loved that I could finally be busy without forcing myself to move. I love living life and doing all the things.
That said, over the last couple of years I have realized just how precious one's time is and began apprenticing in the art of saying no. My time has been gifted to me, and I must be diligent in how I allocate it. There's always someone who is going to need help, just as there is always going to be a chore to do, among a million other things, that part of existing. How I think about and approach that existence is evolving.
Take self-care for instance. My natural inclination is to comfort others and make peace. Newsflash: there is always trauma, drama, and drama llamas everywhere. I could literally devote every waking minute to soothing other's ailments, mental and physical, and all I would get is a reblooming of my autoimmune disorder due to internalized stress. That just will not do, as I have learned the only thing I can actually control is my mind, my thoughts so to speak. I can't bear the world's ills via emotional osmosis, and it's really rather arrogant of me to continue trying to do so.
Not that empathy isn't important, but I'm spending so much time caring for and providing logistical support for others needs that I am neglecting my own. This has caused me to achieve a state of not only being burned out but I'm just plain old worn out.
Sure. After spending the last few months studying the wisdom of both the ancients and post modern thinkers, I have realized that I need to value my time, apply the no to my go, and block out time for the work that I need to do. I can't be all things to all people, and being pulled apart like a loaf of existential monkey bread isn't doing anyone any good. There's so much in this cranium of mine that I want to create and share with everyone, but that work can't be completed if I am drained from being a I'll do that to everyone all the time.
Standing up for my precious time has been an exercise in discomfort and joy. I'm not going to say it has been nor will be easy going forward, as saying No, I will not goes against all of my being, both habitual and inherited characteristic-wise. As it always is when one is delving into neuroplasticity-ville and making new neural pathways of behavioral patters, the beginning of the hike is brutal, but the view, oh man is the view totally worth it.
So to close, any of you out there who are exhausted from caregiving, or just life in general, or who are trying to develop new patterns of behavior that benefit your growth as a human, I guess this post is a bit of a hug for you. I get it. This is hard, but it is so worth it and I hope you keep going. I know I am here for the whole enchilada.
A long time ago, I remember a wise person telling me that "No is a complete sentence."
It's something well worth keeping in mind when maintaining boundaries... we don't have to eternally justify why we say no; we can simply say "no."
As a person who has struggled with always having justification so I don't get in trouble, I so, so love that I have given myself permission to say no.
I also love that wise person's offering, thanks for sharing:)
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@stryeyz has taken to heart the saying, "if you don't schedule your time others will". I feel like too many of us are conditioned to help others while disregarding ourselves. How can we help others if we can't help ourselves? "No" was an important thing for me to learn to say, though it has been far easier since I am not in the regular work force.
Oh I so agree with you about all of the things. Especially the conditioning part. And I am leaving the regular work force next month to hang solely in my own realm, the excitement is real, and future no saying is guaranteed lol!
YAY! Congrats on stepping off into your own.
Thanks! I'm super excited and slightly uncomfortable cause I'm really good at patterns, but I'm leaping anyway lol!
I am still fine-tuning the art of saying "no." I find it most difficult to say to my own adult children. Besides, their suggestions often sound like fun. "Will you go along with me to my OB appointment and see my ultrasound with me?" Hey, I like that idea! Granted, it will include 2 hours on the road and dealing with Spokanistan, but might just be worth the effort.