First I must say I'm really sorry for all the stress you went through but the truth is you were being too hard on yourself. Sometimes the moment has a lot to offer us than we even notice but the tension we let on our shoulders against the future would not allow us enjoy what the present has for us.
We never can tell what the future holds so it is better we let go of the worries and enjoy every moment we have to live.
Hope you feel better now? Stay awesome.