background
Adolescence is a transition from childhood to adulthood both physically and spiritually. This period is a crisis because there is no hold of values and norms while the personality of self is undergoing formation
Various problems occur in the teen years ranging from drug-related, free sex, motorcycle gangs, brawls and various other forms of irregularities. One of the interesting things in teen life today is the trend of courtship, where the style of dating among high school students today tend to be more free and not shy to show affection as a pair of lovers in public.
Courtship is a contemporary issue among youth today, a fair act as a manifestation of the feelings of the likes of the opposite sex, but most of it becomes an outlet of lust which is bad for the perpetrators. The issue of courtship is not only related to the behavior of free sex but also more to the act of violence against their partners.
Dating Concept
Dating means a man and a woman go out together to perform various activities that have been planned before. According to Guerney and Arthur, courtship is a social activity that allows two people of different sex to be bound in a social interaction with a couple who have no family relationship (http://id.shvoong.com). The definition of dating was put forward by Robert J Havighurst:
Courtship is a relationship between men and women colored by intimacy where both engage in feelings of love and mutual recognition as a boyfriend and can meet the needs of the lack of a partner. Needs include empathy, mutual understanding and appreciation of interpersonal, shared sense, trust and faithful in order to choose a spouse (Widianti, 2006: 88)
In addition there are 3 (three) important things that become process in dating namely:
- a. Communicative process is an effort to socialize themselves and groups against other individuals or communities to establish a close and harmonious relationship so as to obtain the image and recognition of the existence of both de facto and de jure.
- b. The adaptive process is an attempt to adapt each individual, group with individual or other community groups. This process can take place in a short time or in a long time according to the level of ability of each both physically and psychologically.
- c. The interactive process is an attempt to assimilate into a particular community to be a part of the new community.
Dating occurs as a process of actualization of outward communication (eye) and inward (heart). From the process continues the process of adaptation between the two where mutual search for conformity both psychological, character and normative principles, religion and custom. In this region there will be two alternative options, namely when communication and adaptation there is conformity and understanding, the courtship between the two will continue on the contrary when the communication and adaptation braid there are differences (in principle such as religion) could be the process of courtship will be stopped. The Process of Violence in Dating Various problems occur in the teen years ranging from drug-related, free sex, motorcycle gangs, brawls and various other forms of irregularities. One of the interesting things in teen life today is the trend of courtship, where the style of dating among high school students today tend to be more free and not shy to show affection as a pair of lovers in public.
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The process of violence in courtship is caused by several things, including:
- Jealousy
In general, the love generates positive actions but because the love is based on the desire to have then there is a tendency to behave in a person who always restrict and supervise the behavior of his girlfriend and will be angry when his girlfriend smile or get along with someone who is the opposite type. Informants who experience violence due to jealousy will be revealed by MIA and DS. MIA and DS are pseudonyms of resource persons MIA is an 18-year-old male student who describes her experiences as follows: Started when I went home tutoring and one of my classmates who girls ask for help to di antar home, because at that time my boyfriend has not finished lessons than I wait mending me inter and his home is also close. After finishing my friend it turns out my boyfriend is already waiting but he just got angry and pushed me (Interview,). DS, the 16-year-old female student also recounted the process of violence that happened: That time there was an event at school and I accidentally met my ex girlfriend and chatted but only briefly .. I do not know if he was already watching me and he was angry and issued insulting words (Interview,).
- Less Attention Problem / No Newspapers A person who gets less attention from his or her parents will usually seek the attention of others including from his girlfriend but if the desired attention is not obtained then no wonder if someone will do anything to be able to get the attention of his girlfriend, including by violence both in the form of words and actions . One cause of violence in courtship is lack of attention or no news. The informant who suffered violence from his girlfriend because of the above will be stated by MIR (MIR is the pseudonym of resource person) a 17-year-old male student: For three days I did not contact and reply smsnya, because at that time I again focus on preparation for the exam. I also tried to explain to him but he was angry and hit me with a printed book until my forehead was scratched slightly (Interview,).
- Cheating Infidelity is the relationship between the individual whether married or unmarried man or woman with someone other than her spouse. However, the notion of affair may vary by country, religion and culture. In contemporary terms, the term infidelity is also used to express an unfaithful relationship in courtship (http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/percipation). Drigotas in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 1999 divides an affair into two namely a physical affair and an emotional affair. Having a physical affair means making physical contact with the opposite sex like hugs and kisses to people who are not their girlfriends while emotional affair is a feeling towards someone who is not his girlfriend, for example, a sense of homesickness for someone who is not his girlfriend (http://psychology4us.blogspot.com). Infidelity became one of the causes of violence in courtship. One of the informants who experienced violence from his girlfriend because caught cheating will be told by NI (pseudonym of resource) ie female students aged 17 years, following penuturannya: I've been caught twice cheating and since then I was curbed and I'm not trusted anymore, everywhere should tell him and if the sms or the phone is not in reply would be angry (Interview,). Cheating referred to as dating infidelity, this term refers to the feeling that the couple has violated the norm in courtship related to interaction with others and followed by the emergence of jealousy and competition.
- Not Compliant / According to
Here is the experience of the informant who suffered violence from his girlfriend for not following orders or demands from his girlfriend: RIK (pseudonym of resource persons) of this 17-year-old male student tells of his experience: If viewed from the problem may be trivial that is because it does not obey orders and willingness and the incident started when I again play basketball with my friends and my boyfriend approached by telling me to buy food and drink, because I was playing basketball ask him to wait after finished but that there he was insulting because I felt I did not obey his orders and because I do not want to make noise I finally stop my basketball game (Interview,).
R confessed that the boyfriend he knew through facebook was once a soft, friendly and also very considerate woman but later his attitude became rough and often told R started from buying food, drinks and so forth. In addition, R reveals that her pride as a man is not appreciated and she is no longer considered a girlfriend but rather a helper.
There is a tendency of a man who, though physically strong but they generally do not have the heart to use his strength, especially if it is to hurt a woman who is none other than his girlfriend.
NM, the 17-year-old female student also shared her experience:
If dikasarin Sich ever with the encouraged but it is also the problem because of my BBM actively when previously he had forbidden not to activate, for fear he was mad me non-activate my fuel at that time too (Interview,).
The same thing happened to F, the 17-year-old boy who told of the violence he experienced:
Ku and he often quarrel and it's also a small matter, the problem occurs because he forbade me not to go outdoors. I'm a guy who likes to walk with my friends but he does not like it so he forbids me not to go outdoors if his business is not important. Feeling I did not obey his orders he encouraged me (Interview,).
The above case shows that there is a tendency of one to obey his girlfriend's command because there is a feeling of fear and do not want to quarrel, the fear of one's self will lead to an obedience to all the will and action of the dreaded person.
- Lying
In this study found that lying is another factor that causes violence in courtship. The following is GA's account of a 16-year-old female student:
My boyfriend is over protective and possessive, always want to know where and what I do because I do not like the attitude that I decided to lie to him when he asked me. At that time I lied to say that I was at home while I was walking with my friends, and I accidentally met him on the street. He pulled my hand (Interview, March 23, 2012).
The five things above is the cause of violence in courtship and it can not be separated from the perception among high school students 4 who regard dating as a form of ownership of their partner and no longer as a process of exploration to know each other's traits and characters before stepping more ketahap seriously ie marriage.
reference :
Pacaran Di Kalangan Remaja Sekarang - scribd.com
https://freshticorakmeni.blogspot.co.id/2016/02/babi-pendahuluan-a.html
http://staff.uny.ac.id/sites/default/files/tmp/(C)%20Mengenal%20Bahaya%20Narkoba%20bagi%20Remaja%202009_0.pdf
http://rafikawulans.blogspot.co.id/
melihat perkembnagan remaja saat inin sunggunh luar biasa,, perubahan yang sangat drastis
remaja saat ini seakan akan sudah mulai meninggalkan nilai dan norma ynag sudah berlaku turun temurun di lingkungansekitarnya.... khususnya dalam pacaran.
pacaran bagi mereka seakan akan menjadi secon keluarga
semoga anak anak kita kelak menjadi anak anka penerus norma yang sesuai dengan nilai nilai agama khusunya islam
Saat ini perkembangan pola hidup remaja kita sangat memprihatinkan, mudah terpengaruh dengan gaya kehidupan modern termasuk gaya hidup dalam berpacaran. Nice post
Benar sekali bg @junaidikl raja zaman now ini emang aneh
Mereka ingin mendapatkan sesuatu serba instan... Apalagi masalah pacaran
folback me bg zal @gurusosiologi...