I think every change in the tick of the personality gives a tweak to closer focus on goals. It's probably cause I still feel constant stress and anxiety. In fact I have to get out today for coffee, even if I don't want too. Super irritated now. At home with the fam and every sound in the kitchen - closing doors, clanking dishes, stirring sounds, clashing silver wear - is making me rage and grit my teeth.
We have no doors or walls between us. We overworked so much and went on a quick stressful vacation later and developed skin conditions. Mine is on my hands and my friend here has an ulcer on her face. Looks like a scab that never goes away. Whenever I still see it a year later I get depressed. The ezcema on my hands is still there too.
I never liked living like that being constantly stressed about money. Never wanted it to make me sick. That's why I have such bad anxiety too. It doesn't have to be like this but the stress in the situation never seems to let up. I don't like smoking but I'm constantly smoking to try to step out of my house cause I get so irritated by sounds. I feel trapped inside the house all day. It's better when I'm alone but when there is people here I feel I can't move and have to be quiet. I smoke and sleep mostly. I never ever wanted to be or feel like this.
So now I gotta get out and go for coffee cause I don't know what to do. When I feel trapped I can't concentrate. I am unable to make music or write. That's the major frustration I've felt that I'm always too stressed, tired and poor to get anything done. I don't want to make excuses, don't know why this anxiety/concentration battle seems so hard much of the time. I want the worries gone, I want the money problems gone, I want space to myself, I want to be able to get out of my house, I want people I can talk to so I don't feel trapped with living with just a couple people. Still have to remember what I have and to be greatful. Even if we have only a bit of work some have none. Even though I feel constantly stressed I wouldn't want to live most other peoples lives.
That's all for now. Let's see if I change into even more of a different person later today
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I've got my fingers crossed that things pick up for you soon. Boo money stress!