My life has changed drastically over the past few years and sometimes I forget myself. I become who I was and let go of who I am. It’s likely the stress of all the new experiences and change that makes me revert back. It awakens the misanthropy, the frustration, the negativity that plagued me throughout the formative years of my life, which I’ve only been able to let go of over the past year and a half or so - ever since my discovery of mindfulness (which is a blog post in itself).
When I remember myself, I remember to just breathe and let things go. The situations causing old negativity to arise are out of my control and what brings about the frustrations are my attempts to control said situations. They are out of my control and will always be out of my control, so it would be best to just let them go.
Inner peace can be a bit unnerving at times - I remember what it was to be outraged, to be more passionate, to be consumed with emotion and out of control, and part of me seeks to return to that. The other part of me wants nothing to do with that - it wants to let chaos be the river and let me be the rock that it encounters and then passes by. The middle road is what I seek - to regain the balance between chaos and order, as I’ve been able to do in the past.
Writing this down is helping me to do so, and I hope it will help you to do so as well!
