Everyday I get asked the same question by a variety of different people.
Hey jeezzle, what's it like being a grown ass man?
Well good news everybody.
I'm about to tell you what it's like being a grown ass man.
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I wake up every morning in a big bed. A bed that's way too big for me to sleep in by myself. Every now and then I wake up with a real dog in it though.... if you know what I mean.
That used to happen a lot more when I drank more often.
I get up in the morning and kick the sheets off the bed. I never put the sheets back on the bed, and I don't make the bed. Why don't I make the bed? I don't have to make it.... because I'm a grown ass man.
At that point the dog I was talking about earlier is usually crying to go outside. I let him out, and then I grab a bowl of cereal from the cabinet. It's usually a really sugary cereal, and I never even put any milk in it.
Why don't I put any milk in it? Well I don't have to put any milk in it.... because I'm a grown ass man.
I then grab the ironing board and iron, with the intention of irony one of my work shirts. I put the shirt down and just put it in the dryer for 5 minutes instead of actually ironing it.... grown ass man style.
I hop in the shower, grabbing my toothbrush on the way. My feet and beard get a little bit sticky because the toothpaste is flying everywhere. Brushing my teeth in the shower? Yep. Grown ass man stuff.
Before heading out the door I look at my unshaven face and unkempt beard. I should probably do something about that. But I won't. If I weren't a grown ass man I might..... but I am one.
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I start the car. The gas light is on. Should I go get some gas? I'll wait to do it later. Why do I wait to do it later? Well that's simply because I'm a grown ass man.
Work is the same as it always is. Lifting highchairs, greeting people, being overly friendly, and hopefully getting some tips.
I don't start fights with people or act in an unfriendly way at work. I always try to be on everyone's side because everyone needs someone on their side. That's really what it means to be a grown ass man.
After work I might grab a few beers. I might grab some ramen noodles or some meat and vegetables. It kind of depends on how I'm feeling.
I can tell you one thing though.... it's certain to be some grown ass man food.
Once I get home I turn off the lights and shed a small tear because my back hurts so bad from working..... and because it's a bit lonely in here. Grown ass men only cry in the dark.
Eventually it will be time to write on my blog and then watch a horror movie like I try to do every night.
Grown ass men love to watch horror movies after all.
Finally I will wash up for bed and pull the sheets up that I never bothered to pull up earlier.
I like make sure I get enough sleep to get through the next day.
Grown ass man style.
Most days I have a lot more to do than just that, but I wanted to at least get the basics out.
So for all you people that have been asking me.... now you know....
What it's like being a grown ass man.
Seems about right to me, in some cases. Be your own individual. I understand this piece is fiction but I feel that it can be relatable to many.
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Indeed.
yes it's true, sometimes it's like a joke but it's the reality. "why should I care I'm a grown as man. But even a grown ass man needs to take care of yourself. I love reading your blog, it's very entertaining. I'm jealous a little of how do you write a blog. Sorry I'm just being a grown ass man.lol
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Thanks man.
My sis-in-law and I are always saying "because we can" whenever we tell something we do, especially if it is weird, catty or diva'ish.
That's why I do every thing I do (except work, because I HAVE to do that)......... because I can.
Because I'm a grown ass man has become quite the catch phrase around here. It basically means because I can nowadays. I don't know what I would say if I wasn't a man though.
The way you tell it there is good and bad to being a grown ass man. At least you take responsibility for what you do. Seems to me you could use a little inspiration towards some sort of goal or purpose.
This was a joke piece, and I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm a fiction writer so you should take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Look for our first book on Amazon on March 1st.
I did enjoy it. It seemed real. Made me want to help the poor guy get some sort of direction for his life.
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Being a grown-ass man is about learning to like the taste of bitter things: alcohol, coffee, disappointment.
Ain't that the truth.