Sometimes we take people for granted who have been by our side for so long. We don't even think much about them, And we may not even give them as good of treatment as we once did when they first entered our lives.
Stop Being So Concerned About Being Right
Sometimes when we argue with a person we care about, Our emotions take over. We get so angry that we want to "win" the fight Because then we can rub it in! We are better than they are because we won.
So we do whatever it takes, Put downs. Or we explain our logic until we are blue in the face.
But is it really important to "win" the fight?
In the end, both of you lose, Being stubborn and refusing to look at the other person point of view, Only damages the relationship. Also, that doesn't mean you "win."
Back when I had a job, I was close to one of my supervisors. We worked well together. I loved my job because he was just so fun to be around. Well, one day, I got angry because I wanted a day off, and instead, he let someone else go home. Forcing me to stay.
This person was always getting days off, and I felt as though I was being taken advantage of because whenever I needed a day off it seemed as though I had to pull teeth to get it.
While some of the people who didn't work as hard were easier to "cut loose" because they weren't as valuable in the work area (This is a physical team job I'm referring to)
My supervisor and I got into a fight for it. And to get "revenge" I didn't work very hard the whole night, Essentially screwing over my entire work team, And I made my supervisor look bad. I was normally the one pulling the highest numbers, so without my full effort, the rest of my team struggled. I was happy because I felt that I had "won" the fight, As I punished everyone around me.
Did I win though?
My supervisor was angry with me and wouldn't even look at me. And I started realizing that what I had done was stupid.
Sure I had successfully ruined everyone's night, But what had that accomplished? I wanted so badly to be "right" to prove a point. That I had caused so much more harm than good. I realized that sometimes swallowing your pride and letting the other person "win" Is the better way to go.
I had damaged our work relationship, Days after that event, He was still angry with me, Only talking to me when He absolutely had to.
At that point, I didn't care if I was in the right or the wrong for getting upset. My work relationship was more important to me than some petty argument. So even though he was angry, I tried to show how sorry that I was. By working extra hard, By showing up early, And doing a better job at being a part of the team.
He quickly forgave me when he could see that I was sorry. And he told me he'd do a better job at giving me days off in the future, And that's exactly what he did.
Sometimes we will be right or wrong; Sometimes the other person may be too stubborn, So to preserve our relationships we need to be okay with letting that person "win" sometimes. This easily could have destroyed our relationship, and two people who worked well together could have gone their separate ways.
We Focus On Their Flaws
With dating, Friendships or whatever it is. It's easy to find flaws with anyone when you spend a lot of time with someone.
EVERYONE Has flaws. Some people may be stubborn; Some people may be unaware. Or some people may just not see eye to eye with you on everything. Trying to change a person, Or letting their flaws dictate how we look at the person, Is a for sure way to destroy your relationship with the person. You should never let them walk on you, But some flaws may not change, They may not want to change them. Or it may be so ingrained into their personality that they cannot change it.
You may find someone who is so perfect for you, But they may be a little lazy sometimes, Or they may forget to close the chip bag. Cough.
There may be some things that annoy you, That may not annoy them. You may just have to deal with it. Or you can just be proactive if it's something that drives you nuts like close the bag of chips for them when they are done eating them haha. So stop focusing on their flaws and focus on the good things about them!
We Take Their Actions Personally
Most the time when people make decisions, it's based purely on their likes, Dislikes or their values. And it has nothing to do with us! But it's easy to assume they did it because of us.
In our lives, We are the center of our lives. Because we only fully see things from our point of view. So it's very logical to assume that everything that people do is because of us. Even though it's kinda silly to say it.
This can cause a lot of problems in all relationships because the reality is, Most people may of not even considered how it affects you before making the decision. They didn't choose it because of you; They picked it because of them.
You Expect Them To Read Your Mind
No one can mind read, Yet sometimes we drop hints or expect people to know what we want.
Especially in long term relationships. We start to assume they know us, Enough to know what is best for us at all times.
This is not the case at all. It's better to just communicate what you want.
If you want to take out tonight, Say so. Or take it into your own hands, Like buying yourself flowers. But Don't do it to "rub" it in. Just do it for yourself because you wanted them. Sometimes that also is a nice way of letting the person know that it would make you happy to get flowers a little more often. I used this tactic, and I ended up with two bouquets of flowers instead of one!
Expectations that the other person doesn't know about is a BIG cause of arguments. It's hard if not, Impossible to have some expectations from a relationship. But we need to keep in mind that we need to also communicate what we want and not just expect it to show up randomly.
Fail To Embrace The Changes In the Relationship
Especially when you are around someone for years, Changes happen. Lives grow and develop; There are easy and hard times.
It's somewhat silly to assume there won't be changes. But there will be! And for the most part, it's a good thing.
But when people fail to embrace those changes it causes issues! Occasionally the changes may be bad, Or may not work with what you wanted, Of course, it's often that people change and grow apart which leads the relationship to end.
Usually, it's no one's fault, But expecting someone else to change for you and you only can sabotage the relationship. If it's a deal breaker, Move on. If's not a deal breaker, Try to embrace those changes.
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LOL!
An excellent post, and one that needs to read every 3 months, to remind you!
Agreed with how you described the trap of human relationship. Most of us may tend to find and focus on the flaw of others, I also did that too which I regretted afterward. A way to prevent that is to think in the shoe of someone, try to imagine what if its you who are in that situation.
Over expectation is also one of the big problems in a relationship. So rather than expecting people to know what I am thinking about. Why not just say it out and request. If not, do not expect others to know what your mind is thinking.
Mindful read, thanks!
Exactly I love your comment!
Thanks @kaylinart. Look forward to read more of your post.
Most times, people dwell too much in the small negatives... that they forget all the good that is happening around them.
But great advice, spot on.
I agree! It's really sad!
That's a solid lesson to learn. People are often afraid to self reflect and actually grow from situations like this. It's too easy to get caught up in the blame game and victim mentality. Thanks for sharing!
So true!! People need to take the time to try and figure out what they did wrong, Instead of focusing so heavily on lashing back. Like I did with my supervisor.
Very nice! I'm actually in a relationship ^^ I'll try to consider some of your advice @kaylinart ^^. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here on steemit.
Thank you :) I hope it helps the long term of your relationship :)
Such an insightful writing, I love the way you try to portray delicacy of human relationships! :)
follow plz and me follow u
Thank you so much hehe :)
Easy)
This topic of conflicts in relationship is always relevant. I believe "letting them win" might lead to a passive communication. This is not more healthy than the I "win" aggressive communication. The key is assertive communication were you respect your wishes and your partner wishes. The equally respect for all opinions, makes the "battle" redundant. When we neglect the battle, we can enter the discussion, looking for the best (some call it win-win but its actually just the best) solution possible for the conflict.
Thank you so much for this article. I love your proffesional writing.
WOw I love your view on it! Thank you.
I agree there is a delicate balance to not cause more issues.
"You Expect Them To Read Your Mind" Please, dear ladies! We barely read books :D
muahahah!
I am very interested every time you share a post.
What else is this.
You are an amazing @kaylinar
Thank you so much :)
Ur welcome @kaylinart
You gotta love it when someone ruins the comment section by typing comments using the header hashtag! LOL!! :P
I really needed post like this to read to think a little about! Thank you!
the best way to ruin relationships is to cheat
hey hi
I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article.I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well.it’s really nice and meanful. it’s really cool blog. Linking is very useful thing.you have really helped lots of people to know someone to good :)
waiting for ur next work
Thank you for sharing with us! I hope you enjoy the upvote!
This post is very great friend .. I love to read .. sometimes we forget the same people who accompany us. We always want to win ourselves .. love for you
Beautifull and Follow back
Relationship is the platform of learning the best before entering into marriage. It is a step towards been matured for marriage especially when it have to do with teenagers, however, if we are able to study and understand the person we are dealing with, it will go along way to improve that relationship. However, if there are great misunderstanding, its often better to agree on taking a break for a while. It will help to evaluate that relationship and when you come together, there will be a difference. Thanks @kaylinart. Keep up your good work.
Don't get complacent and take your relationships for granted. People get into relationships for a reason, don't forget the reason!
Great Article thnks for shring
Awesome post, great lesson to learn, thanks for sharing :) #keepsteemin
Every your post...make me interested...your title post..very very make me interested...
Two of the strongest things that I feel make a relationship are respectfulness and being supportive/positive
Yes it is so true. Good to know, more to learn.:)
Wow i like it
A possible factor in an unexpected negative interaction is the simple fact the other person is just having a bad day.
You just need to stand still, chill and be like the wind.
Let things unfold naturally, find acceptance and everything starts working as a charm.. Acceptance is the key to a happy relationship by itself.
@kylinart
Thanks for the
I just read this article and I hope what I learned can help me. I am going to do more work on this and see if I can improve the happiness in my life. Thanks for sharing this nice post with us
Thanks for the post. I think relationships need to be properly founded. All relationships take effort. Happy wife happy life.
Great insight about relationship! I just loved this post.
This is a very well written post with great content! You're right about your insight and I can also relate to a situation that I'm in now with my best friend. A life long friendship has been tarnished due to my hard head....
Really good advice. My last relationship was a deal breaker and earlier this year I found the courage to end it, but if I paid more heed, or if he had as well, then maybe things could gave been different, but essentially I was unhappy for years and now I'm not.
followed n upvoted... :-)
please follow n upvoye back...
intresting post & nice as ever
Very Nice Pic
100% upvote
Good job!
These life lessons you shared are more than gold. I must say you have a large heart to let us know the truth. You got my little vote and I believe following you will bring more of this to my feed. Thanks so much @kaylinart
Loved your article ! Very useful ..almost everyone deals with relationship issues in life
Healthy lesson to learn----dont take things personally!! Cant agree more on that
Follow me and i will follow and upvote you
Fine
In the end its a classic case of caring more about the relationship and preserving it rather than the argument. Very well written. Upvoted and Following.
This describes all of my exes
Excellent points, @kaylinart! Upvoted.
Very good points here. Very few people grasp these, and even fewer adjust behavior to accommodate these.
I just want to say I really love your articles. They are very well written and always full of introspective wisdom. Thank you, and keep being awesome kaylinart!
I disagree with the first 2 points. If you needed the day off and there was a healthy balanced relationship, your manager would have accommodated you. It is important to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships vs good and bad relationships.
A healthy relationship is when synergy is achieved and people act as a single unit to take care of each other and move through their situation. An unhealthy relationship is when a relationship involves a hierarchical system where 1 person attempts to overshadow another. Remember that managers have the authority to direct you, but they also have the responsibility of ensuring you are being accommodated within the confines of work expectations.
Now you may have had a good relationship with this manager where you were friendly and enjoyed their company, but that is completely independent from being able to properly work with this person. It also works the other way as well, a bad relationship doesn't necessarily affect a healthy relationship because if both people are working in synergy they may not even talk to one another directly.
The rest of this article almost explains that since you mentioned you have to overlook another's flaws but the otherside of this is also to recognize that it isn't just you that needs to do the overlooking. There are times when 1 has to win an argument since the other is completely wrong, they won't like you for it, but if they cared enough, they should overlook their feelings as you overlook their flaws.
What!?!?! are you telling me my boyfriend can't read my mind! AHHH!!! :P
Great post btw. :) Love the relationship advice.
thanks for this post .. i also feel the same in corporate field sometimes the situation explained here matches to one i faced last month .. my superior cancelled my leave at last moment and at that moment i really got angry and i was about to speak wrong to him but i controlled myself somehow .. what you mentioned above is really true sometimes we should let other win.