Equality -does it mean we have to be alike?
Source: Pixabay
Sweden is a fantastic country, a high level of equality. In this post I refer to equality between men and women. Still I have I have noticed an interesting phenomenon.
In Sweden, many people look at equality as similar to be alike. By which I mean that many people think or at least behaves like we all have to act and behave the same way. For example: if a woman tells her friends that she would love staying home with her kids instead of working she might get some strange reactions:
"She might be oppressed!"
"Poor woman, she will lose her salary and her independence!"
"What an unequal relationship she must be in!"
And so on...
My reflexion is that this is very strange. For me equality stands for being treated the same way as others and being treated with respect. It doesn't matter what choices you make in life as long as they don't harm other people. I believe children feel good in the care of their parents. We have an amazing system of affordable daycare centers for kids and paid time off until our kids are one year old. That is awesome! I'm glad that we have this great opportunity, of course. Still, I think that we have to be able to make our own choices.
Source: Pixabay
Another thing that is strange is that so many women related subjects are still taboo in Sweden. Menstruation cycles have the impact on our performance in sports for example. Still, there is very little understanding why I might have better days and days that aren't as good.
Many women at age 35 (or even less) starts to gets depressions. That might depend on menopause soon to be. Which almost no one is aware of, in the year 2018? How come? Many women suffer in silence from heavy bleeding during menstruation or hormonal mood changes during the monthly cycle.
After childbirth you are supposed to be happy, look amazing and take up your physical exercises as fast as possible. "Pregnancy is not an illness", and you have to get fit again as fast as possible when the baby is born.
But for real: I felt awful and fat, happy for the baby but in pain and not able to walk properly for several weeks. No one told me about this during my pregnancy, why?
Source: Pixabay
Lots of taboos in our equal society
During my life, I have been doing many things that I'm supposed to do (from a society point of view). One of these things is to compete with men in the workplace by trying to act like a man. To do so might sound strange, but many women here do that. Dads in Sweden tend to stay home while the kids are babies for some months which is also a fantastic opportunity to build a great relationship with the kid from the start. But in many situations, we (women) tries to adjust to male behavior. Which I have realized isn't necessary. The idea that being alike is similar to being equal is something I noticed, and many people will not agree, which is fine. The thoughts I share in this post are my personal opinion on this matter.
Source: Pixabay
Instead of trying to be alike I would like to celebrate our differences; opposites attract right? I mean the most important thing is to have the courage to be yourself and to do what feels right for you :-) Still we all should have the right to be treated equaly!
Source: Pixabay
I would like to hear your opinions, and I would be happy if you would like to share the experiences from your own country. Are men and women treated equal, and what does that mean?
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I recognize a lot of these points in the Netherlands too! :-) Although we're STEPS ahead of other countries, even other European countries, there's still a LOT of work to do.
There's by the way a very much misunderstood difference between equity and equality. This picture explains it best (I don't know the original source):
It applies to a lot of situations. Equality does not mean we are the same. Equity means we do however get the tools we need to be able to perform in the same way.
That's a HUGE difference.
these images do really say a lot don't they :-))!
I love this post @kerlund74 and you've given voice to many thoughts I have. I actually have begun a post on this subject but it's been sitting unfinished for a few months, in any case we all need to speak up about what equality means to us, about our experience of being women because it helps other women and also men to create a new vision for our future as a society.
I am 100% in agreement that equality has to do with equal respect not sameness. Women and men as a whole as well as individually have different strengths and the world is a better place if we bring the best of what we have to offer rather than trying to be the same.
The problem is that as women we've internalized the messages over thousands of years that all that is feminine is negative and by definition "less than". So it's hard not to feel that we have to suppress our femininity in order to excel in the work place. Hopefully with the changes happening in our world today, society will learn to value women and we as women will learn to value ourselves more fully as well.
ibidem. On the unfinished post #natureofbeing speaks of and the praise for Kerlund's eloquent thoughts.
All of supposedly progressive Europe still has way too many taboos (add grey, silver, and white hair, please: I almost got stoned to death when I stoped dyeing my hair at 35 already, for letting the team down, since nobody is supposed to know we turn grey...). It seems very tricky to be a woman who is not like a man in her aspirations or superior to a man in her manipulations (bitches at the top, and too many bossy pensioner-wives for my liking). Try being a stay-at-home-mum and still find yourself respected (not so easy as it looks, folks! Full of daily sacrifice).
We have to start making new role-models for our daughters, showing them how to be truly themselves and in touch with the Sophia-force. Only then can these new women raise better sons.... It is pivotal to reassess womanhood and become much purer, freer and more authentic in our expression of it. We are too often designed by a man's world (still in 2018, yes!).
@sukhasanasister, I really appreciate what you're saying here and isn't it amazing how many of us women are giving each other a hard time! Again, all this internalized sexism for several thousands of years does really affect how we see ourselves and each other. I think that as women anytime we feel critical of another woman we need to look inside and ask ourselves how we are critical of ourselves in the same way because that's all it is.
About the grey hair, I don't know if this is a trend worldwide or just where I live in Portland, Oregon USA but since last year all the 20 something hipster women are dying their hair grey or white! It makes me smile each time I see it, looks gorgeous and really makes a statement about what defines beauty.
And thanks also to @kerlund74 and @katrina-ariel for the encouragement for finishing and posting on this subject! It helps nudge me to get to it ;-).
Cheers to loving ourselves, supporting each other and having the courage to make our own choices!
Wow, an amazing answer! And I fully agree on what you say here. We have a long history to work with in many ways, it's getting better and better, which brings hope. Still it fascinates me that countries with such equality still have the same old taboos and that people spend their lives believing they have to act in certain ways, else they aren't "equal".
Thanks a lot for sharing your thought in this subject:-)
I think you should write that post @natureofbeing!
I hope you write the post, too @natureofbeing. The more discussion happens around this, the more we as women can shift the way we think, and maybe inform a few men as well. Keep the conversation rolling. :)
@kerlund74, I could relate with your school of thought almost perfectly. The differences in our thoughts process would probably be nationality. I am from Nigeria and here there is an increase in agitations for women to be seen as equals with their male counterparts.
I feel the female gender should be more concerned about things that matter especially in Africa where women are raised to be fit to be a first lady or wives of the richest men rather than quality creators who do not have to struggle to be equal since, obviously, their relevance cannot and should not be questioned.
I am an agitator for a society that places premium on things which hitherto are deemed mundane.
Bullying is another social menace killing our society and that is why I started a campaign here on steemit against it.
You can read my series here
@kerlund74, your thoughts were well articulated. Thank you.
Well yes! We should all be respected and treated good who ever we are. Helping and working together on our own conditions should be a strange and a factor that improves a society. Thanks a lot!
Thank you @kerlund74, I enjoyed reading this. It relates to a lot of thoughts I've been having recently. I actually just had a conversation with a male friend yesterday, who said he observes within his own work and friendship groups that men are generally quite comfortable with hierarchy and their place within it, (even if their place is quite low), while he thinks his female friends generally seek equality within their groups and feel uncomfortable if any one person rises above in some way. In some ways I do agree with him based on my own experiences and observations; and it just got me thinking about how utterly different male/female ways of seeing and behaving in the world can be. I feel our traits are beautifully different, and valuable, and complementary in many instances. And I agree that equality needs to be based in respect, rather than "sameness". Thank you again :-)
Difference is amazing and it’s what makes us stronger when we act together! Great thoughts and I also think there is a point in what your friend said.
Thanks a lot!
I believe that we kind of chasing a dream. I dont want to be equal to anyone, and by this I mean that I would like to be perceived as different with endless potential rather than labeled and boxed in. The only place I see equality is in the in chances :) I would love that some girl in Nigeria be able to chose if she wants to stay home and be a mom, be gay, be a world traveler or have a sex operation and become a man, or work in Tesla as a Mars scientist. The equality of opportunity to be whatever you heart dreams on. We are not there and some times I believe we are not even on a trend to, but I dont lost my hope and actively try to inspire people to see and live in the world where anything can happen. That's equality for me :)
Wonderful words and well spoken. Thanks very much!
You point it out in such a great way! I was born and raised in Sweden and always feel somehow more depressed there than where I live now. I feel more acceped as a women in Austria than is Sweden, isnt that strange! I am open and relaxed about my body and my period and when I was pregnant, I felt so accepted und understod here, but in Sweden, noone cared really and just igored the fact that, yes a pregnat women maybe want to sit in the bus, or go before others to the toilet. I love Sweden for many reasons, but it most be hard to be a mother there, especially when someone like me would like to stay home with my child as long as possible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here with us, I feel very inspired to write something too on this topic!;)
Love, Niina
Interesting to read your thoughts on this matter! And also in a way glad that you found something great in your new country. I have been trying to stay home for a long time too, my kids are the most precious thing I have. Before they was born I was acting like I was expected to, like everyone else. As a mom I’m a little odd, lol. Some women even think people like me are destroying the wonderful equality we have.
I think you should write about it too:)
I've been very cross for many years, about how "odd" we've been made to seem. While too many children are really suffering from being put into day-care too prematurely. It, also, is not suited to every type of child. Furthermore a child up till about 2 if not 3, is simply made to be dependent on very intensive close relationships and very special attention from (one or more?) carers who care out of love (that special energetic dynamic you can't get out of a tin). There is not a child in the world who would naturally prefer a huddle of other snotty nosed kids to a mother.
Day care is about babies and toddlers making very long hours out of the comfort zone of their home (nest). This compromises their sense of security and causes them to lose their natural vulnerability (making them hard people later on in life). But I'm not going to say any of this out loud, or I won't have a life, anymore.... I hear the bucket of stones approaching already.
I live in Indonesia, here women treated like a women. What I mean is men will treat you good, people will understand your condition during your menstrual period and pregnancy, even if you bring something heavy your male friends will bring it for you, but if a girl working she still will got equal payment to men.. like it or not the fact is women bodies are weaker than men's.
Sounds really great! Some more of this acceptance would be great:) Thanks very much for sharing!
Fantastic article! I liked it so much I resteemed. The whole topic is so tricky, and I'm still trying to come to terms with my own feelings. I feel like I'm not doing "enough" because I stay at home as a mother and am not bringing in much of an income. And the issues women face, the way hormones and childbirth challenge us... I feel like there is far too little understanding or acknowledgement of what women go through and how much we contribute to society with the miracle of creating life!
I could go on, but I won't. Thank you so much for writing this post.
Yes the problems start when everyone buys the story that we all are pretty much the same. If you have any struggles with things that are related to gender these are hard to express. Still I think that is so strange it’s natural...
Thanks very much for your comment and resteem.
so strange that as a woman one has to even question the value of child rearing!! it's by far the hardest job on the planet for sure and I commend you for all you do every single day, you do PLENTY sister!
Thank you for that, @natureofbeing. 💖
I love this, in particular the points about post partum life for women. I think you bring up something so important: that the beautiful, joyous things about being women come with equally strong challenge. This is why it’s so essential that we do not judge one another as women. I know moms that secretly struggled with post partum depression because they know the social expectation is that she must be happy with a baby, because everyone is happy with babies right?? I’m amazed at all the struggles women endure privately when we are over half the human population and we all get it!
Yes we should be nice and understanding instead of judging:-) Great words!
I miss the days when Grandmothers were the strong, no nonsense matriarch of the family. I think women trying to be male is a totally new thing, and it's ridiculous. It makes no sense for women to try and compete with men, we are completely different types of humans. Women are not wired to compete, we are wired to perform. You will notice this in our women's sports, in our work ethic, in the workplace where women so badly desire recognition for their accomplishments. Men just want to win. Those two hugely different personality types can never compete at the same game, because the end goal is so wildly different.
Equality means equal. You can't ask everyone to treat men and women with equality then ask for sympathy and understanding during menstrual cycles. It's completely contradictory. We are different beings and rather than demand equality, stop with the liberal nonsense, and demand to be treated as individuals. It's not a flippin' competition.
You are absolutely right! I might have got the wrong word here but the Swedish word I had in mind, that I translate as equality is for me about equal respect and appreciation not being all the same, still many people believe they have to. So well I agree and love these old grandmothers.
Sorry for the late reply ;)
As you know things are not much different here in Denmark, so I totally hear you girl...
And as a Southern, personally I don't get all this...
I always say that men and women are different so 'equality' cannot exist in bold terms because of technical issues, such as different body functions.
Well written and totally true!
In Turkey men and women arent treated equal like most of countries. You can see the answer in Maslow needs hierarchy.
Yes many things we do in life depends on which needs we have to care for. Great point!
Your thoughts are really the same as mine.
but a little different jobs in Turkiye
In Turkiye, although the level of support equality between men and women, though we are far higher than the concept of feminism. 65% of the population does not believe that equal treatment for women and men in Turkey. A portion of Turkey on the issue of gender equality in society similar assesses the Middle East. I do not believe this is true. I am a person who can live on equal terms with my wife and is trained in this way from my family.
Actually
While some rights are taken from the hands of women, men are also given more responsibility than necessary. the two sides are not too happy with this situation ...
society has given them these roles when they were born ...
That is why equality between men and women is important for both sexes ...
Yes! You are so right. I think we should work for more freedom to be whoever we are and to be treated with respect for that. I think we should be more accepting of differences and not striving to be similar to everyone else. More love and understanding and also appreciation of each persons gifts <3
I love this post.ni recently wrote something on gender equality. It's titled "He 4 She" kindly check it out. The more awareness,the better. Most importantly,men have got to realize that gender equality is their issue too.
Absolutely, we should all engage in this and treat each other with respect!