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You have an everyday life with a smelling secret you cannot even share with yourself in the mirror. Does this ever stop you from indulging?
NO!!!
Truth be told, there are some days when you go weeks or months in total abstinence only to fall back and it's as though you never left. It's been close to 9 years and it only worsened your obsession with the act even though you've done everything possible and tried every means necessary to stay away.
Every time you indulge you somehow loose all sanity in the moment only to regret it after the moment has passed yet in these 9 years you've mastered the art of keeping your secret and your life as two separate entities. You know deep down that you have no friend, because even that one who is similarly close to you doesn't know the half of the things that go on behind closed doors when it's just you and the object of your obsessive addiction.
Sometimes you feel talking to someone about it will help but you know that the life you lead would only make you look like a hypocrite, and that's not a label you want to wear anytime soon.
This fight is yours alone even when of a truth, you already won. The power to walk away resides with you, yet it seems you intentionally let the addiction have its moment in the light.
WHY?
Now look where you are, it not only manifests within the confines of your home. You have graduated to taking the art to your workplace and basically everywhere you go, as long as the parameters that necessitate your ceremony are easily or intuitively possible.
"I'm done with this" , ermmm, you said that 8 years ago and look how creative you've become.
"What am I doing", Yeap... This one's old. Really? You even think about it when you are indulging so much so that it's now a question with no significant importance. It's more like that question you ask so you can justify your conscience and acquit your fears that the addiction controls you.
The part that amazes you is how well you've kept this a secret for over 10 years successfully without a single slip, except on two occasions when your sibling and a fried respectively caught you in the act but the sainthood your life represented helped you assuage their wide eyes and easily convinced them that what they thought they saw you do was rather stupid and impossible to be done by you.
Congrats on your achievements....
THE WAY OUT
...it's obviously evident all your man-made efforts have failed; 9years is a enough time for something to prove its worth, so why not stop trying and let another help?
There's one who has all power, there's one who loves truly and HE alone can walk into your life and make you immune to that addiction.
If you already are a believer then trust HIM and stop all your human efforts, drop those books and motivational talks, they haven't helped in 9 years.
Yours might not be as long as 9 years, it could even be longer😊.... There's one who can help and
- His name is JESUS
I'm still your favourite writer
Leave me a comment or write me @klyn.akwarandu@gmail.com