It's been nine days since we laid you to rest. It still doesn't feel real that you are gone. The gaping hole in my heart feels so real because of the pain I feel. Last night I picked up the phone to call you.
Via Giphy
As I was dialing I realized there would be no one to pick up on the other end. My cousin, my best friend that I talk to every day would not be picking up with his customary "What the hell do you want?" line.
The realization of your physical absence caused so much pain in my bowels that I screamed out in pain. We were supposed to see our wive's get gray hair. Hell, I wanted a chance to make fun of your gray hair! I was looking forward to holding your babies like you always looked forward to holding mine.
We were working on our PTSD together. People always wondered how we could talk on the phone for two or three hours a day. Our calls were our secret weapon.Those calls really helped to hold onto another day.
Now, the other end of the line is empty. My friend, my secret weapon is now silence.
On Memorial Day I wrote a post about my cousin being admitted to ICU. After a long month of fighting he passed away on June 23rd. He was laid to rest on July 1st.