What you have described alludes to the conundrum of Epoché and its consequence (more free from distress=equanimity; yet discomfort if rejecting worldview/ideology/loss of self?) vs
Persistence in anschauung (faith to self=not feeling like one has rejected their spirit; yet distress and worry evident, never content)
Yet isn't the former indifference? Reminds me of 'what is hardened will never win' (Tarkovsky).
Which of these should you, I or anyone choose? (If what I'm saying is understood)