During a discussion with someone earlier today he stated that it’s harder for people like me who care a great deal about the world to stay upbeat and be happy. I knew he was right because those who care, or have a great deal of empathy like I have, can usually end up caring too much. It’s easy to be lost in the negativity of today, isn’t it? I mean we hear on the news about Syria being bombed, America not giving a shit anymore about anything, it seems in the UK we’re social cleansing our public, and God knows what else.
It’s dire out there, and if you care, how can you even remotely be happy with the world burning right now?
I hate listicles but I’m going to have to do this because, well, I couldn’t think of any other way to approach this subject. So, here goes, in beautifully awesome listicle-type post:
How do I keep happy as a touchy-feely snowflake-like-empath?
Well, first of all I’ve stopped expecting from people. I’ve just thrown expectations completely out of the window and began looking at my life as if the future doesn’t exist. One of the biggest mistakes people make in life is to expect someone to do something and they don’t. It causes anger, right? Sometimes heartache, or sadness, hell, sometimes it even breaks up friendships, or relationships. So I don’t expect. I don’t expect anyone to do anything.
“I expected you to know that”
“I expected you to do that”
Not in my vocabulary. If I’m not communicating my needs and wants to other people then I’m essentially failing as a person. Expecting from people is basically like: a requirement of being your friend is to be telepathic and read your thoughts so they can fill your need-ometer. So no, no expectations. If I want something from someone I’ll ask them.
I don’t assume
Closely tied in with expectations are assumptions. I’ve stopped assuming anything now. I don’t assume you’re rich because you’re wearing a $2000 suit, I don’t assume you’re an idiot just because you can’t do a required task, and I don’t assume you’re obliged to do anything for me because of x, y and z. I hate assuming anything because it sure can get in the way of a good listening session. Humans are primed to assume; that’s how we hold our prejudices, and through that it is supposed to keep us safe. Yet in an ever growing and expanding world towards inclusivity and diversity, it’s never safe to assume anything.
I give for the sake of giving
I give. I’ve lent out several hundred dollars in the past few years to friends but haven’t expected or assumed they would pay me back. If they do then it’s a bonus, but I haven’t expected it back. I really don’t do this so it makes me out to be a good person, only that it saves me worrying about when and if it will be returned. It saves anger, it saves fury, and all the other negative issues via lending money. I also give my services to others for free and don’t expect anything back. I lend a hand at the local volunteer centre because then I’m not just another angry voice on the internet, I’m actually doing something about what I believe in.
I understand that everyone has a story
It’s easy to get wrapped up in what people are saying in the moment; the blue collared southern American may be shouting really racist remarks at a Donald Trump rally, or a gang of youths may be beating up an old man by the sidewalk to take his money, or the Indian adult may be trying to gain access into the country illegally intent on taking someone else’s job. But the cold hard fact of the matter is that everyone has a background that causes them to be like this and people act out of fear and 99% out of the time it’s not malicious.
Understanding backgrounds play a great deal in maintaining a level balance. If you read the mainstream media they are always playing circumstances and events on peoples fear to get a reaction. Learn to understand backgrounds and don’t rise to the occasion.
I let go
The only person or thing in this entire world that I have 100% control over is myself, assuming that I can control anything else would just end up in tears. I know I can’t control my friends, or my family, or my relationship, so I don’t try to. There’s an old saying I love to use — “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink it”
I can control how I present myself and what I say to my friends, family and my wife. That’s the difference. Understanding that I only have control over myself helps a great deal in taking responsibility for my actions. It’s never forward thinking to say, “It wasn’t me, he should have filed the reports” it should be, “I should have reminded him to file the reports because I knew about them” that way I’m not delegating any responsibility for any failures. It’s always my responsibility for me. That way I can allow others around me to fly free with whatever they want to do
I know my strengths and I also understand my flaws
I see a lot of people getting depressed when they can’t do x, y, or z, but what they really don’t understand is that it’s fine to not do x, y, or z, you can just focus on a, b, and c instead. People are different in so many ways, and that includes what we’re good and what we’re not. I emphasise my good points and work to better the bad. Being self-aware is a good position to be in because it helps you to not focus on things that you’re really not good at. It’s also great when you’re able to accept that too. Focus on the good and not the bad. That’s my motto!
And for now, that’s it!
I think you saw and studied human life...
This article is true, and heart touching post also
Thank you, and yes. Yes, I have :)
If at all that information is true.... You are what the world needs right now, majority of us are selfish mongrels and we do what we want.
Thanks for this! There are a good few of us about. I've worked with lots of them in the past :)
While I can relate to why you're feeling and/or thinking this way, I don't necessarily agree with everything that has been said here.
Don't expect anything from people
You should expect . If you're calling someone a friend, for instance, they'd better be there for you in a time of need, otherwise they're utterly useless, aren't they? What's the point in having close family members, close friends, if you don't know that you can count on them?
Don't make assumptions
Some assumptions we have to make. When you think about it, we as humans are actually 24/7 assumption-machines. We assume that the ceiling will not drop on our heads within the next 10 seconds, we assume the bank that holds most of our money is not going to disappear from the face of the earth a year from now, we assume the staircase we are using is not going to collapse on the very next step, we assume that there's not going to be a nuclear attack this afternoon. Assuming = perceiving .
Give out loans without expecting them to be paid back
Why not expect the money back? It's your money! I mean, if it's a gift, no problem - buy them a TV set, buy 'em a car, cool! But if it's defined as a loan - IT'S A LOAN!
Understand everyone's got a story behind the way they behave
That would be true of just about any human who's ever lived, including serial killers, rapists, child molesters, and Adolf Hitler. They may have been acting out of fear too. So? Why should we care?
Let go of controlling others
That I agree with. Everyone should have a right to make their own choices without being manipulated and controlled by others.
Know your strength
I also agree with this, but up to a certain point. Yes, we shouldn't go completely wild diving into something we're completely clueless about, but I really like the saying: "know your limitations, never accept them". We should keep bettering ourselves constantly and step out of our comfort zone daily in order to evolve.
Ah, we disagree on a great many things, but that's cool. Disagreeing is all part of diversity :)
#1 I shouldn't expect. What if they aren't there in time? What if I can't count on them? What if my life is smooth and theirs is not? Friendships in my eyes is more than just having someone around I can use! It's someone I can be in their presence and enjoy being there. I don't want to expect anything from my friends. If they can't help me fine. I want them to help me because they want to do so, not because I'm expecting it!
#2 What if the ceiling falls on us though? What if the bank goes bankrupt? What if there is a nuclear attack? I always say be prepared for anything, but never assume. Assumption leads to mindwork you need not do. Act in the moment with what's presented to you, rather than just assuming things :)
#3 I won't give out money when we're in the shit. I'll give out money when we have more than enough. I've lost way too many friendships in the past to money. I won't let that happen again.
#4 Understand they have a story behind their actions. I didn't say accept their present actions :P
Thanks for your reply. I just want to respond to #1 "Friendships in my eyes is more than just having someone around I can use!"
I never suggested that! To me friendship includes many things, among which are loyalty and dependability, and that works both ways. I would never ever even imagine the word "use" in the context of friendship.
"I want them to help me because they want to do so, not because I'm expecting it!"
I wasn't suggesting otherwise - but if they do not WANT to help in a time of need then they are not worthy of the title "friend". just my 2 (Steem) cents :-)
wow nice steemitbloggers......
These are practical approaches to life one needs to learn.i have been guilty several times of expecting too much from people and I got really hurt.
But the truth about life is that we get to learn somethings the hard way.
Am learning my lessons and am working towards implementing the ones I have learnt.
I hope to stay happy by applying what you have shared. Thanks.
Good for you! I've been hurt so many times by expecting and assuming that I refuse to do it anymore :)
Wow, thank you this. It really is heartwarming, (((hugs)))
Glad you enjoyed it :)