What do you do when you're an alcoholic with zero life prospects?

Dream. That's what you do.

Or at least it's what I did.

I was always one for imagining myself at the top of the world, looking down at everyone, giving away 75% of all my plundered earnings to the poor from the bum-fight at the top. I always wanted to be someone but didn't have a clue how to be anyone at all.

I was sold a myth as a kid. Good things come to those that have patience. That's only half of the problem. The other half is recognising that a great deal of elbow grease needs to be put in to whatever it is that I'm trying to accomplish. I was the king of the wait, the ever-dreamer of dreams, but whenever it came to action my confidence was low and familiar territory was so much easier to deal with than the unknown.

My Dad was someone. When he died I saw some of his payslips and he was earning 6 figures for the work he was doing, but he never imparted any of that knowledge onto me. I was surrounded by a family of Doctors, Teachers and Professionals, and there was me, lowly Raymond, with my can of lager and shit job that paid minimum wage. Quite honestly it sucked to be me because my family had high hopes for me and all I did was fuck it all up. I was like the black sheep of the family; the kid that was patted on the head by the rest of his family and told, "there, there, at least you're trying." To be fair I had given up before I had began.

I was in the Scottish international golf team for the under 14's. Yeah, I fucked that one up. Beer, women, late teenage years, bad influences for friends.. you know how the story goes by now.

I had a gateway into a prestigious University; my Dad said all I needed to do was pass my college course and he'd pull some strings. I didn't turn up for the final 6 months of that year to class.

Damn, I was even given an in-way at Dads previous place of work but I never handed in my application form. It was almost like I was purposely doing this to myself and I had no clue why.

So when I had reached my tether, I mean truly sat at the end of my bed in tears; when I had so many dreams for my life, but none had came to pass or even came close to achieving any of them, it was quite heartbreaking. I felt as if my life was passing me by but there was so much more to this existence and I knew it.

That week I lost my job too. After a night sobbing with no internet, no phone, on my own, and no electric, I remember going in and hearing I was being let go. Talk about a kick in the teeth, right? What do you do when the world loves you no more? Just when I thought the monkey's ass was empty it was able to pull out another large one and throw it at my face.

Splat.

I gave up. I decided that I was going to let the world rule me rather than me try and rule the world. Poor me, you know? Life was cruel and I had been the butt end of its jokes for many years now. My friends laughed at me, my job had given up on me, even my own mother had momentarily lost interest as she travelled the globe with her new man.

WHY ME?

FUCK.

Believe it or not that's one of the core essential traits to changing and growing for the better; giving up. You see I was ready to listen now. I had had enough of steamrolling through life thinking that my knowledge was the best ever and no-one else had a clue. Perhaps this was why I was jobless and friendless and most of my family were happily married and in very well respected jobs? Maybe they did know something after all. Maybe I should start listening to the have's rather than myself who is clearly a have not.

My life changed after that.

First thing I did was give up alcohol because that stuff just rots your mind. It wasn't easy but the day after I had given up I made good friends with an ex alcoholic that had been clean for a year. This choice saved my life in essence because he was super supportive.

After I gave up the drink I realised that there was something seriously missing from my life and it's what I had been using the alcohol to mask -- love. I had always been looking for love in a partner in the past but there was something inside me that made me want to stay away from women for the time being; that I had some unfinished business with myself. I needed to learn to love myself

I began to grow as a person too; I learned small goals. I completed daily tasks that fed into the larger goals and in time I made it to my supreme goals -- like become a Project Manager. In the past I was always wanting to go from 0-100 in 3 seconds, but it's the journey that's the important part, you know?
It's the people you meet along the way and the lessons that you learn.

Yeah. I kicked life's arse eventually.

Oh! And I got married. Did I tell you that? Yep. Going on our 10th year together now and still super happy!

And we had a lovely kid. Yeah, my Sons name is Alex and he's a mini me. He's also the most awesome boy on the planet.

So what do you do when you're an alcoholic and have zero life prospects?

You change for the better.

All images were kindly provided by Pixabay which is a open source photo download service

Do I have swagger? :)

Check out some of my previous posts!!

What the last election should teach us about relationships and communication
Do girls belong on the football field?
The silent struggle of women
Me, My Autistic Son, And Meltdowns In Public
Dear abusive Dad, I forgive you
My Son Told Me He Likes Girls More Than Boys Today
Learning from my transgender friend
Single Mums only exist for the money
My friend made a racist comment
Do you think that we deserve more?
Why it's important to let kids be themselves
Who else is evolving?
Why letting go of control was the best thing for me
Why we should seek abundance

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This was an interesting read. I had a brother whose life mirrored your story. He was an alternate in Mexico's national soccer team, had a good scholarship from the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México (UNAM), and he'd always have a back up job if he wanted to manage our father's stud horse ranch in Michoacan.

He never worried about anything because everything came incredibly easy to him, so I guess that he assumed it would always be there.

My brother loved to drink. He drank mezcal and he drank tequila. He would drink so much hard Mexican alcohol that he'd lose his voice for days at a time.

Sadly he passed several years ago at age 34 due to tuberculosis and liver disease. He never married or had kids. He did not want to be saved.

You are lucky that you wanted to, and were able to turn your back on the bottle. Yours is truly a success story...continued luck, my friend.