Mothers usually tend to deal with ego much more easier. Many fathers have difficulties to confront ego, to benefit their family. I had the same problem. I think it is, because our society pushes us that man have to make money, money is the key to happiness, you have to make a career, to give a better future for your kid. I have been full-time dad for 3 months now, and in this short period of time I realized that it is incorrect.
Many parents tend to buy expensive things from his first days. I have many friends who buy their kids expensive toys, and then after a few days they don’t play with it anymore. Parents don’t understand what happens and buy more expensive toys for him. And the circle goes on and on. The same with the gadgets. Buying new phone's and pads. Eventually, you will have a kid, who is disappointed with an x-box for Christmas. You probably saw a lot of videos on this article.
Why then I am buying all those expensive stuff for my kid if there will be this outcome? Because, there is your ego, who thinks - “How other people will see me” You should destroy this though and you will become happy as you have never been before. This is not only advice for parenting, but for the most of life situations. Just ask yourself- “why should I worry about what other people think of me” This questions might sound stupid, and probably you have heard it many times, but it really works if you truly ask yourself and try to give an honest answer. If you would give yourself an honest answer it would be -“There is no point in it”. For me it was the biggest game changer. Now I was able to reconstruct my mind.
My ego was bigger than Everest. For me, it was very important, how others will see it. Most of my choices in life was made, based on this though. And well I was in a constant race for more appreciation. I had happy moments in my life, but when I stayed alone I had many thoughts of how my life was unhappy. The moment when I started to realize I have to change, was the moment when I started totally new life. This change in the ego, changed my life for 180 degree. Now I understood, that only value I have in life is appreciation of my family. And my biggest accomplishments are the things my son have learned.
From my point of view, the best thing you can give to your child is the time and knowledge you have. Your kid doesn’t need all those expensive things you can buy him. Giving your kid knowledge and skills, he will be much better prepared for life, and he will be able to earn those expensive things himself. Teach him how to love, how to appreciate things, how to be happy about events that happen in life, how to act in different situations and so on. This to me is biggest thing you can give to your child.
Change the way you think, and you will see your family like the main reason to live. It will make your days full of happiness, as they will do silly stuff and will be happy about it. So why not to be happy also. If you cancel the concern of what others would think, it opens so many doors for you. For example, your kid is learning, as he don’t know many things in life. Remember, you are many years ahead of him. Teach him those things. In reality it is very fun and exited process, to see your kid learn new things.
At the end I can only advice one thing. Remember, that what will be good for you, will not always be good for your family. You are part of the small community called family. Think about what is good for your family and not only for you. Many times I have heard that if my family will have more money they will have a happier life. That is only partially true. Your family will be happy when you will be around. Don’t run for the money. Of course you need it, and you have to earn it, but just don’t use all your time and energy on getting money. Spend some time with your family, they will never forget it.
Bonus: I have seen in my kid, that he doesn’t really like toys, he likes the stuff we use at home like, spoons, dishes, bowls, TV consoles and all other stuff you have at home. From my view, it is because, he sees that we use those things, and want to do the same. Our kid is copying our behavior. So he will tend to copy a lot of things we do in life.
To be continued…...
I have been a single mom to three (now teenage! Ahhh) boys for some time. The most important advice I can give you is surround yourself with a strong support network. And MAKE time for you. Even if it feels like you are being selfish- you are not. You need to take care of yourself before you can care for another!
My second most important advice- do you remember what you got for your seventh birthday? Or all the toys on your 9th Christmas? Neither will your children! But I bet you remember the trip your parents took you on during holiday when you were 8. And the weekend trip to the beach when you were 6.
The point is we remember the trips. The holidays and vacations. Not the things. Spend your money on going places and spending quality time.
Your children will one day write something like this as advice :)
Totally agree with every aspect of your comment. As for first, it is a must that you don't give your life up, for the children. My main goal in this post was to say that you have to reevaluate your life goals. And put your family as first, but you must not forget about yourself as you show your kid a role-model. For the second advice, i agree with you, people tend to remember emotions , as it is much easier for our brain to put it in long-term memory. :) Thanks for the comment :)
You are very welcome!
You also have a new follower :)
I appreciate it very much . Thanks :)
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I have been thinking a lot about this similar subject. But when you said "why should I worry about what people think of me", and while I have heard that phrase many times, it clicked for some reason this time and that got me thinking. Why (in parenthood) do I worry about what people think of me? I finally have answered that question for myself....and I am not sure if I like my own answer. But it is because I want someone to tell me and reassure me that I am doing a good job in raising my child. I don't believe in myself enough to know that I have done a tremendous job already. But now my next question has formed, why do I think someone else knows better than me how to best raise my child? Oh, is this parenting thing the hardest job in the WORLD?!
I enjoyed your post very much. And while it has opened up more questions that I have no answers to for myself, its still a question that needed to be asked and explored for myself and my family. Maybe the fact that we are even exploring and thinking about our parenting life this way, is really the answer that we are doing good by our families? At least I will believe that one for now. LOL Here's hopes, hugs and prayers for being parents? We shall all struggle together. :)
I can assure you that if you have questioned yourself those questions, you are more superior than most of the people. You make very logical chain of though. You will be very successful in anything you are interested in , if you just follow this path, ask question find answer, it gives new questions look for more answers, and so on, as time goes, you eventually will have many answers in your head, and you will be capable of many good things.
And in parenting there is no correct way of doing things, all of this is just try things, and find that works for you. So just try and you will have the best things that works. The same as mine posts, you can find maybe some tips , but you don't have to look on it as only correct way, as it works for me it might not work for you, as you have different life with different social environment . So you can just take some of it try it out and if it works for you cha-ching.
You guys look great! He is so adorable!
thanks , he really is :)
Great stuff - looks like you will be an awesome father, if you're not already!!
Our upcoming new arrival is going to be playing with sticks and envelopes and stuff until he is at least 4!!
Cheers
My advice, just try as many things as you can. That will help you find the best way that suits you.
Sounds like a plan, cheers!
Two weeks to go for us...
Sometimes it's hard to not try to "keep up with the Jones', thanks for the post.
Great last pic. Love that you're letting him "help" in a small way! Yep, kids don't really care about all those expensive toys...well, at least when they are tiny. It is better for all kids to be outside than to be sitting inside playing video games anyway! They need to breathe fresh air! Thanks for the post. #theunmentionables
Even when school hits and everybody around have Iphones, it is possible, that he is doing sports and play around, just parents need to find some people who have the same interest in mind , as he will be more developed by going out and play football or any sports, and i will support it as much as i can. But of course it is very difficult.
Yes, it is definitely difficult. Learning and playing a sport is good!
agreed.