Life can be a b^tch sometimes. I had been looking forward to be back up on my feet by now, but faith has decided otherwise...
I must admit I don’t really feel like writing today, so this won’t be a very long post.
Maybe you know, maybe you don’t, but I’ve had a hernia operation in February. As a result I’ve been lying down or taking careful walks around the house for the last 8 weeks. No gardening, no driving a car - not even riding in a car, no parties, no shopping, no visiting friends,... Basically, no nothing.
I’m very happy I have SteemIt, because I would probably be bored to death.
The problem is: have you ever tried using a laptop when lying down? Well, I can tell you: it’s a no go. So I’ve been trying to keep up by using my phone. I only switch to my tablet go do the layout for my posts.
Now take into consideration that my phone is really acting up - I need a new one, but can’t decide which one I want - and a terrible WiFi connection in my bedroom, and you will probably understand that I’ve really had it with this all. I’ve had enough.
2 weeks after I had surgery, I wrote a post in which I expressed the feelings of frustration I was alreády going through:
'2 Weeks... (A Not-So-Funny Story)'
I do realize that I actually have nothing to complain about; there are people who have problems that are way worse than mine. Still, I needed to get this off my chest for a second.
Back To Square 1
Believe it or not, 2 weeks ago, the pain came back. It was/is killing me. The heavy painkillers didn’t really help, so I made a doctor’s appointment again.
I’m still in shock. Although the pain had already told me, I had been in denial. Now there’s no way I can deny it anymore. The hernia is back...
There’s no other solution than to have surgery again. It is scheduled 3 weeks from now. That means I’ll be down for 9 more weeks.
Bye Bye, Gardening Plans
The only reason I made it through those first 4 weeks was because I was looking forward to being all OK again in April.
I’ve been preparing my garden, have my seedlings in the propagator or on the windowsill. I was so looking forward to being able to live a normal life again.
But faith has decided otherwise.
At the very moment I would normally be planting out my little plants, giving them their permanent spot, I’ll be in hospital, and won’t be allowed to do anything for the first 4 weeks, Bye bye, gardening plans...
Sad
If everything goes as planned, I’ll be back up on my feet by the end of June. ...June!!
I’ve tried my best to stay in a good mood, in spite of the pain, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep playing that game much longer.
I feel sad, I miss my normal life so bad. I miss my friends, I miss climbing, snowboarding, just go out to have a drink somewhere... I even miss going to the supermarket - something I’ve always hated.
At the moment, I don’t have a clue how I am going to survive another 9 weeks without sinking into a depression again. There is not even a guarantee that I have time to get back on my feet before the next hernia kicks in. Maybe this is how the rest of my life will be...
See, I can already feel the negative thoughts trying to get in control again.
But I can’t let them. I will manage, and I will become my old self again.. someday...
Forgive me for bothering you with this. But writing things down has always worked a little like therapy for me.
I’ll try to keep it on the light side again from now on. Tomorrow is another day, and since there’s nothing I can do to change it, I’d better make the best of it...
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Ouch, that is not funny!
This time surgery in Genk? Hope everything goes smoothly so that you are back on your feet in no time!
9 weeks looks for ages but if you can compare it with a lifetime it is peanuts. Just trying to cheer you up.
If you feel down or need some encouragement you may always contact me on discord!
We will pull tou through it!
Thanks, @fullcoverbetting
The idea of having a place to go when I need a little cheering up is already cheering me up.
And I know it’s not a BIG disaster. There are so many people who are going through things that are way worse. I just had a difficult moment...
And yes, Genk it is. We thiught about getting another opinion in Leuven, but apparently the doctors in Genk are all trained in Leuven, and in Leuven there aren’t that many of these kinds of surgery done.
Plus, I would have to wait a couple more weeks to get an appointment in Leuven, then another couple of weeks until the surgery. If I just stay in Genk, I can have it done on May 14th, and should be good to go again by the end of June. Maybe there’s a chance I can still enjoy summer ;0?
I have faith you will be on your feet in now time. just take it easy for now. It could be worse, I have a scar from 1 ear to the other across the top of my head where the doctors pulled my face down to put the 2 half dollar sized titanium plates in my forehead from the time i got smacked with a bat. I would have gladly taken a hernia.
IEUW!! That must have been aweful.
I realize it is not that bad if you compare it to what others are going trough. I was just having some self-pity when I wrote the post. I had to write it to get rid of that self-pity feeling. It kind of worked ;0)
Still, I’m afraid that by the time I will be ‘recovered’ from the second surgery, there will be a new one popping up, and that will go on and on for the rest of my life. But here I am again: worrying about what might happen. It’s a bad habit, but I’m working on it...
Just gotta take it one day at a time. Everytime you try to prepare for what life will throw at you life will in turn throw you a curve ball. Right now you gotta rest and let your body heal.
True. I also believe life will only give you things you can handle, so you can learn from them...
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Oh, wow. That's really rough. Most people get hernias by moving around, not by laying down and healing from the last one. :) What's causing them? Can they at least tell you that?
Man. I am sorry. I was trying to cheer you on and such and now it's round two instead. Maybe it's time to get a little creative with your devices. If you need to be flat on your back, maybe there's a way to hold the tablet in place over you or something.
It also sounds like if there's anyway for the internet modem to be placed nearer or inside your room, that might help. Or maybe you just move closer to it and bunk out next to it.
Sorry. I'm a husband and father so problem solving mode is where I go. None of that is probably helpful, but maybe it will spur ideas someway else.
The one thing I know is, there's stuff we all have control over and stuff we don't. The stuff we can influence, we do, and the stuff we can't, we find ways to let go. Life goes on. Time marches forward. We can stay behind or we can move with it and do what we can within the limitations we have.
I wish you well. I really hope that this next surgery is better for you. Maybe someone else can plant the plants. Maybe you could sleep out in the garden?
Okay, stopping problem solving mode. :)
Of course they don’t know. The ‘normal/classic’ world of doctors is all about taking care of symptoms, not about finding the cause. Apparently 10% of the patients will get it again. For some it can take years, but I was the lucky one to get it immediately.
I asked her the same question: how can this happen when sll you do is lie down and walk around very carefully. That doesn’t make sense.
WEll, to me it does make sense. I believe that all physical problems are a result from an inbalance on a much deeper level, psychologically, so to speak.
As long as I don’t find that balance and somve some deeper problems within my core, it will happen again.
But that are things you can’t tell to regular doctors; they would lock you up in a psychiatric institution - lol.
Judt today I was talking to my girlfriend that we should take care of the device problem. We need to find a way to make my laptop tilt in suvh a way that I can
Use it while lying down. With 9 more weeks ahead of me, it is now one of the priorities.
I got myself a WiFi extender, and it’s better, but still not good enough. Maybe I should buy one of better quality, because this one was really cheap.
If the weather will stay ok, and there will be no frost, I’ll plant out what I can just before my surgery. But I’m training my girlfriend - lol. At first she was like: “ just a few plants”, but after I had shed some tears she agreed to do what she can (and she can do almost everything, so I’m pretty safe)
I really like how practical you are. So is my girlfriend. It’s a quality I really admire, especially because I’m not practical at all.
Thanks!
Wait. What? I thought treating symptoms was just what doctors did in the United States. I'm shocked. :)
I think there is something to what you say as far as imbalance. I've been calling it stress. I feel much better all the way around when I'm not stressed and far worse when I am. Still, the mind does play a serious role in all of this, so I hope you find the balance you need. Stupid hernias. :)
I would think an extender in the mid-range of price, strategically placed, would help. Or you could just run a long ethernet cable from the modem to your laptop. :) Wouldn't help your tablet, though, and I'm sure it wouldn't be very practical either.
The wifi connection on my tablet is ok. It’s only my phine that is acting up very often.
But I do need to find a way to get access to that laptop again. Everything is on there: myvgraphics design software, my HTML editor, hundreds of GB on interesting ebooks, articles and software, all the tools I use to get the word out when I have published a post, and most of all: a keyboard. Those on-screen keyboard justvfon’t do the trick. If I could lay the device on a table it might be different, but holding it up In front of you just isn’t it. My typing speed is like 5 words a minute on that tablet - lol
There's this. It almost looks comfortable, too. :) The laptop would have to be pretty well secured. Not the best of situations should it just suddenly drop.
THis is EXACTLY what I need. Any idea what it’s called? Or is it a DIY thing.
If it has a name and it is for sale, I’m in!
Thanks :0)
I think it has different names. I'm sure there are DIY ones, but you can also find different ones to buy. It's basically an adjustable laptop stand, so it can be used like the picture or you can fold it around and use it on a table when you're able to sit down. Main thing is to make sure it comes with some kind of clamp or way to hold the laptop in place, as well as the legs/arms that swivel.
Amazon has some but, again, you'll want to do some research to get the one you want. Prices seem to be under $100 for the ones I've seen.
awww I'm so sorry to hear this news @simplymike; I've been wondering what's going on with it all. In a weird way, I understand how you're feeling...my life has drastically changed alongside Brian's, so I too am unable to live the way I used to. I get it...it can be very frustrating, but in the end, it is, what it is and I know, like you said, you need to get it all off your chest by writing this, and move on.
Is that a picture of you in the beginning of your post? If so, you are absolutely stunning :)
Thanks, but no, ythe picture is a Pixabay picture.
At the time I wrote this I was covered in self-pity. I had to write it down to be able to get rid of that.
Ever since I posted it, I feel guilty for the self-pity and the drama. Every time I read it, I think of you and Brian and I realize I have no right to dwell in self-pity. Okay, 9 more weeks (the thing is that I’m afraid that it will happen again and again, and that Inwill have to live like this for the rest of my life), but who am I feeling sorry for myself. It’s people like you and Brian that have real problems, not me.
So no more feeling sorry for myself!
I don’t have the right to (although I granted myself permission to feel sorry for myself 1 or 2 days in the upcoming weeks - lol). It’s an important lesson I’m learning, and that’s mainly thanks to you and Brian - it helps to see things in the right perspective 💜
How are you guys holding up these last couple of days? Is Brian still ok? Are yóu still ok?
I'm a firm believer in wallowing at your very pity party every once in a while, then kick those unwanted guests out and clean up the mess :)
You have a right to be upset with the unfairness of your situation! When I complain about something, Brian always says, "hey, I'll trade places with you any day!", but I realized that using that rationale, I will never be able to complain about anything, and there's something cathartic about complaining sometimes :)
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster for us; we really are still shocked by it all. Brian is doing ok; a few seizures, but nothing like the one I wrote about. I keep trying to start writing my "thank you" post and I feel so overwhelmed by it all, I don't know where to start. I'm shelving it for tonight and am going to have a few drinks instead ;)
Today however, the bad-luck fairy visited us a few times. (Not in terms of Brian's health!) We had to phone Paypal and the woman at the call center messed up entering our card #, and we are currently locked out because we are in Mexico and it appears fraudulent. It took several hours to sort out an alternate plan and we did with another person here on steemit and Western Union. Paypal is out for now. Then tonight, Brian took a taxi to the bank and the driver held his phone and portable charger as collateral while he ran in to use the ATM. He got back outside to find no taxi. The police are looking through the bank's camera footage tomorrow to find the guy, but in the meantime, it's all stress he does not need.
So, that's how we are. Some good, some bad. You know I always try to see the glass half full, but today, I would have gladly had you make room at your party for one more :)
Sorry to hear all that. I hope it was just ‘one of those days’ and it will be better tomorrow.
I had to lol about the part that you would never be able to complain. I had some people saying the same to me: that hey wanted to trade places with me. It’s always in my head that there are a lot of people have worse problems, but what you say is is true: sometime one needs to complain a bit to get it out :0)
I hope everything gets solved quickly
Oh Mike! I wish there was something I could do. I empathize heavily with you right now... I feel your frustration. You’ll pull through this! ☀️🌈
Thanks, @pretty.dorky.
That’s so sweet!
I'm so sorry to hear the bad news. Sometimes life can be so hard and throw us into a storm. But you must be positive. Maybe by looking at some of the positives it can help a little. There's no infection. It's not life-threatening. And I know of 9 weeks sounds like a long time, but it's a lot better than a year or longer. Or even several months. I'm here for you if there's anything that I can do. I don't know what it would be other than to pray. But I'm going to go now because I'm sure that you don't feel well and I'm sure reading comments upside down isn't fun either. So I will continue to pray for you. And continue to send you and your girlfriend all of my love.
Thanks @johndoer123. You’re such a sweet guy.
Most of the time I am able to see the glass as half full. Meanwhile, I’m in a positive mindset again and I can take on the world again :0)
I guess it will be with ups and downs, but I plan it to have ups most of the time :0)
I got your friend request from the place you sent me. I sent you a message back. But I don't know if I did it right. I hope today is a good day for you and I'll talk to you later. I send you and all of yours all of my love. And you will always be in my prayers.
Have you heard of Kratom mike? If not, its def worth an hour of reading & research. Kratom leaf is extremly useful in your situation.
I think I remember one of my friend mentioning it to me. But I need to look
It up again. Thanks for the tip
Hugs @simplymike :) I'm sorry to hear the hernia is back. It must have been a terrible time for you, you definitely deserve to sulk and process through your emotions okay??? I pray everything speeds up including your recovery. Don't be too hard on yourself, alright? Enjoy some Steemit and perhaps light humour everyday somewhere, at your pace. 💓
I try not to be too hard on myself, but it’s a bad habit I developed over the years :0)
Thanks for the kind words
This is really a big disappointment. I sort of feel your pain, but probably only half of it. Since I did have a lot of times when my back hearted, but that was probably half as worse as the hernia you are suffering.
Well, I was thinking how I or actually all of us could help you?
First thing is that you can ask us for help if you need any?
Second thing is that I can share a story, to give you some entertainment and distraction.
Third thing is that I could make a few more terrible jokes. Just to make you smile for a few seconds.
And last but not least, I can ask you questions. That also kills a little of your time.
Any preferences?
Lol. Just keep doing what you’re doing @crypto-econom1st.
SteemIt is a great way to kill time, and people like yourself bring a smile to my face more often than you’d think :0)
For today I also have a serious question. How are you able to use your smartphone while you lie down in bed?
Even if I don't have back pain I find it difficult and almost impossible to use my phone while I lie down. So I basically never do that. Do you have any brilliant pointers how I should be able to do so?