How Venezuela will back its currency with crypto (and perhaps die trying)

in #life6 years ago

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Shitty evening, everybody!

at least for us...

I'm feeling like a talk show host tonight.

Next Monday, Venezuela will live a traumatic process, a thing so nasty as watching your parents fuck, like running over your girlfriend's dog, like shitting your pants while on a bus.

We will enjoy the astounding monetary re-re-reconversion!

and not only that...

We will also enjoy a SUPER BEAUTIFUL PETROL/GAS RATE INCREASE!

Next Monday will be an off-day, due to the impending chaos on the national economic system.

A little briefing on the upcoming measures...

Gas will now be regulated for everyone unless the person signs up for the Fatherland Card (that's the exact translation I swear by my balls). It is basically a state-control membership. Today, I filled my 35-liter tank with 95 octane gas and paid $0.00005. The price starting Monday will be the same as in the global market.

"But Daniel, isn't that cheap already?"

Well...

Those are the minimum wages for South America.

Basically, Venezuela is a giant money laundromat, and instead of soap it uses cocaine. The dollar is controlled by the government, just like imports and everything that has to do with foreign currency.

The result is a parallel market, due to the fact that goods keep getting more expensive DUE TO ECONOMIC MARKET VARIABLES (and not due to the Economic War, as President Dumbass lies to its following). This devaluates the currency, which has zero support in national production, as it lies in ruins.

Imagine that living in Venezuela is the same as playing Monopoly, but the only thing you have are the water and electricity properties. Everything else is full of hotels and each day there's a new one in each square.

Gas is the only "cheap" good.

ROUND TWO!!

The service crises

Each day, hundreds day due to water insufficiency, electricity shortages, lack of health services and out-of-control delinquency.

These are the reasons why so many Venezuelans have fled.

In Maracaibo, one of the most important cities, people get 34°C/93.2°F regularly, it is a vital oil-production zone for Venezuela and...

THEY'VE BEEN OUT OF POWER FOR OVER 140 HOURS

Food rots. People get desperate. The situation is critical and there is no immediate solution, even less if Maduro stays in charge.

ROUND THREE!!

"... shit, there's more?"

El Petro

El Petro had a semi-public ICO. The offer was of about $61.01/Petro at the time of writing this. Each day, that price came tumbling down due to inflation (since one could also buy Petro with the local currency). It began I think on $120.

The U.S. bans its citizens from buying Petro

Supposedly, El Petro will be "backed" by a portion of Venezuela's natural oil reserves. It would be heavy oil, the one which today is costlier to extract than to refine. In the end, El Petro has not even gone out to the market.

And starting on Monday, El Petro will sustain Venezuela's currency!

It is not gold, it is not USD. It is a crypto that's worth NADA!

And all of this will materialize the same day.

In conclusion...

A band of gopniks that have made everything to become a cancer leeching on a nation of millions, where several millions have died for healthcare insufficiency, crime rates... where there are imprisoned students for protesting, tortured, innocent women in jail while being raped and humiliated...

These thugs, who have destroyed companies, separated families, killed innocents, destroyed the future of a young and promising nation...

Now they think to pull of a Great Hustle and pay the people's salaries with candy wrapping.

Who the fuck's going to take that?