When egos are at play, dysfunction can be smelled from miles away. Too many enter romantic relationships having failed or perhaps refused to resolve their inner conflicts. Their partner then becomes their reflective mirror on which they project all the hurt and confusion they have let festering within. Just like there are no real winners in war, there is never a winning party in the battlefield of love. However, the illusion that there is something to win out of stepping on someone else’s dignity can make any partnership fall deeper into a vortex of perpetual misery.
The zero-sun game may just be one of the strongest indicator that displays our lack of willingness to work on our own selves. How insane is it that we want to impose on others our views and opinions, even if it comes at the high cost of profoundly damaging the relationship? The temporary satisfaction that results from having had our way will never outweigh the one that can be found by leading our ego astray.
Instead of going to war against each other, why don’t we choose to navigate the tough trials of life together? Maybe the answer lies in giving a stronger voice to the “Us”rather than the “I”. To make the conscious choice of being together because of our differences that unite us, and not in spite of them.
The foundation of a functional relationship should be made of two emotionally healthy individuals who enter the territory of Love as a team. In this way, they either win together, or they lose together. Everyone needs should be valued, listened to, and respected.
When we get caught in this “I win you lose ” dynamic, we unconsciously plant the seeds of resentment into our partner’s mind, and into the very foundation of our relationship as well. With consistent use of such a destructive pattern, the soil on which our relationship grows may just be infested with poison that will lead to the death of the perhaps happy and functional relationship we once had.