| t h e • mother | portrait of a mother

in #life7 years ago (edited)

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I could never be like my mother.

My mother has big round brown eyes and when she smiles, the entire room lights up.
She smells of Prêt-à-Porter and though her scent will wear off, it will eternally be stuck in my heart and mind.

Her pixie shaped haircut, they way her hair reminds me of salt and pepper, how she talks in high pitched voice when she is nervous and how she scratches her back like Baloo from the Jungle Book, just to make me laugh.

My mother is fragile. Her walk is slow paced and although age is just a number, I swear that sometimes it looks as if she is wearing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She is caught between a frail body and a heavy heart and just like a child, she is sometimes afraid.

My mother loves me more than she loves herself. She was the voice of reason when I couldn't make peace with myself. When men burned holes over and over again through my little heart and when I yelled in her face that I couldn't take it anymore.

My mother is fiery and feisty and when she is angry, hell takes over. There are demons inside her and it's a constant battle. They crack her halo and smear her wings with dirt.
Often, she lets them win.

My mother is wounded. There are days when she crawls inside her safe cocoon and shuts everyone outside. All the tragedies of her long life, pierce her safe place and leave her breathless.
She collapses and crumbles before my eyes, telling me that her heart beats have no meaning anymore and those are the days I am most afraid of.

Days when I feel that I am walking on thousands of legos scattered on my floor. When my heart feels scorched as I am unable to fight her battles. When I lose balance of myself as I am desperately trying to find solutions. And all I want in this world is to know that I will wake up one day and see that her heart is finally safe.

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( Picture was taken by me in London Museum )

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Beautiful post @szuri! I found this from the recommendation by @deaconlee on upvotable 33 and am including your post in upvotable 34 along with voting for you here, adding you to my auto upvoter, and sending you a tip! Would you please keep writing for us because we would love to hear more about your life?

Thank you so much @jerrybanfield :) I really appreciate it! I actually read the whole post on upvotable 33 and my, oh my :) it got intense. @deaconlee found me a few days ago and liked my post and made my day!

I will most certainly write more :) I have lots of drafts waiting to see daylight!

Again, really appreciate it!

This is such a beautiful piece @szuri.
Just by the way you portrayed your mother, I feel that I already love her. I am very happy to hear that you have a mother that loves you more than anything in the world.
I hope her heart will reach peace and happiness and so is yours.

Hugs to your mother and you <3<3

She is indeed a wonderful mother!
Thank you so much my dearest @theleapingkoala. You made me smile this morning :)

Much love!!! <3

Lovely piece of writing @szuri :) I like the lego analogy..haha..SERIOUSLY PAINFUL!

Oh my! I love this szuri, is it truth or fiction? I wish that I had more to upvote with but my well is dry.

Hi @deaconlee & thank you for stopping by!

Everything I write is true :)

Much love!!!

Your writing is so lyrical. "...her heart beats have no meaning anymore." !!! That's great stuff. Nice Aretha pick as well.

Thank you @travelman! Always a pleasure to see your comments!

This text touched my heart, for a lot of different reasons. Well done, it's marvelous. Thank you for the feelings your brought into my heart with this!

Lovely,I think for a second I was in the world written by you.

Thank you @alextretraveler & welcome to Steemit!

Are you threatening me!?

That kind of post that leaves you breathless. Very nice and touching! It makes me think at my mother and i am sure i never thought of her that way.
Thank you for this post, @szuri

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