Photo by Ian Keefe via https://unsplash.com/photos
I’m a damn fraud, and I bet you all know it. I find myself [more than just] occasionally throwing this phrase around my mind, certain that at any moment someone is going to emphatically agree with me despite the words never leaving my mouth. There are so many moments in life where I fear that my deceit has reached the end of its rope and everyone is about to know who I really am... nobody special.
A psychological struggle, feeling as if you’re a fraud can cause you to unravel. In a society where the pressure to succeed is immense, many of us can succumb to what is referred to as the “impostor phenomenon”, a feeling like your success is merely luck and at some point, someone will discover that you are just a fraud.
With some effort and self-awareness, we can overcome our fears and learn to revel in our accomplishments.
“Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.” ~ Sophocles
Don’t fool yourself in thinking these are merely related to professional accomplishments. This fraudster fear can impact all aspects of your life where you place value: Looks. Love. Money. Organization. Attitude. Possessions. For many, self-worth hinges completely on perceptions of achievement. AND WE DO IT TO OURSELVES.
Perhaps the greatest danger posed by impostor syndrome is when one decides the only way to survive is by changing who they are to fit the identity they believe they should embody, relinquishing their authentic self in favor of their divided self.
HOW TO HEAL:
Let go of perfection. NOBODY is perfect. Say that out loud. Say it over and over if you need to. Recognizing the origin of perfectionism can help you move past your need to be perfect. Perfectionism is about perceptions and hoping that people will view you as perfect. Once you’ve recognized and accepted that you cannot control others and thus their perceptions of you, you can clear the path to healing your need to be perfect.
Redefine success in your own terms. For many self-ascribed impostors, success is equated with ability instead of effort. Failure (or lack of perfection) should not completely overshadow the effort you’ve put forth into a specific project. Acknowledge your effort as a meaningful and crucial piece of success, regardless of outcome.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is that nasty little happiness-thief that lurks everywhere, especially in the age of social media. One of the crucial steps in avoiding comparison is to practice gratitude, and often. Take time to focus on the things that you have; it can be as complex or as simple as you need it to be. Gas in your tank. Food in your fridge. A cuddly animal that wakes you up at 4am. A bluebird sky. If you shift your focus to what you have, instead of what you want, you will feel yourself letting go of the need to keep up with the Joneses. You can still admire your peers, as long as you don’t let the admiration become envy.
Make a list of your achievements. Write them down, think them through, realize that you’re a badass that had at least some role in your success. Luck can only get you so far, and I can say with some degree of certainty that you aided yourself in at least some of your successes, even if it was as simple as making a decision.
When all else fails, take a moment to reflect on what it means to be human. We are deeply complex, flawed, delicate, and idiosyncratic. Even people you may admire (or envy, gasp!) are likely feeling many things that you have felt about yourself. Unworthiness. Uncertainty. Fear. We are all humans, and our uniqueness is what makes life so rich. By allowing yourself to be flawed, you are allowing the world to accept your unique gifts, which is where the real magic occurs.
I was tired today. I took a nap and started reflecting on what it means to be human as I took deep breaths of air and I started appreciating my ability to breath as I was thinking about Lymph which is the trash-can river water canal fluid system between our cells. So, I was mostly thinking about breathing and asking myself how does the lungs take air in and pass it to the heart. And I start to massage my head with like the muscles around my head or something.
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