Being impressionable can be nice when it furthers my imagination, creativity, and understanding, but it doesn’t help me with making decisions.
I am one of those people who are molded by their surroundings. If I’m in a group of happy people, I will easily feel happy and more likely to come out of my shell. On the opposite end, if I’m in a room of aggressive, angry, or sad people, I will become quiet, cautious and alert. That’s why I love being around positive people as much as possible. Their energy rubs off on me.
One of the great feelings that comes from being impressionable is that whenever I walk into a book store, I instantly want to grab a book and read. Whenever I walk into an arts and crafts store, I want to create a project. If I’m surrounded by singers, I want to learn how to sing. If I’m surrounded by dancers, I want to learn how to dance. If I’m surrounded by painters, I want to learn how to paint. I want to do everything all at once.
This made it significantly hard when choosing a major in college. My thoughts would bounce from one possibility to another. I’d get caught up in the romanticized version of it, imagining my grown-up self being successful at such things. Maybe I could be a novelist, maybe I could be a cat veterinarian, maybe I could work on a cruise ship, maybe I could work in an audio lab, maybe I could work as a travel agent, maybe I could work in a zoo, maybe I could teach English in another country – and on and on – I had such a hard time deciding what I should do when I suddenly had unlimited options open to me. I’d be inspired by each new idea I thought of. I’d stress myself out. Why couldn’t I decide what I wanted to do when Julie over here is working to become a nurse, with aspirations to open her own clinic, while Matt is taking lessons to become a music instructor? I wanted my future self to just tell me what to do, so I could start doing it.
I’m so influenced by everything, and knowing I could do anything, I became lost on what to choose. Going to a concert made me want to perform and play music. Watching a musical made me want to sing and dance. Attending a yoga class made me want to exercise and eat healthy. Watching ice skating made me want to be an ice skater. I wanted to do plenty of things. I just don’t have enough human lives to do them all! That’s how hobbies develop, I suppose.
The drawbacks of being impressionable are my decision making skills. Since I’m usually content in going along with a group’s decision, I feel no need to add my opinion... because it’s all good. I thought being malleable between different groups of people was a good thing, until I read that I’d be seen as boring, having no personality, a lack of confidence, and no interests.
Which makes sense. People like specific answers. If someone asks a person if they’d rather eat mashed potatoes or baked potatoes, the audience would like to hear “Mashed potatoes!” more than “I don’t know. Either one. It doesn’t really matter to me.”
I decided I needed to stop being comfortable with everything and start choosing things! Which was easier said than done. I never liked when I had to choose a favorite book, movie, or song because I never really had any. I just feel like I haven’t read enough, watched enough, or listened to enough music to name a favorite. I remember a few of my favorite books from middle school. But it was so long ago that I wouldn’t classify them as my favorite books of all time. While I enjoyed them then, I probably wouldn’t find as much enthusiasm from reading them now. As for music, my mood dictates what songs I feel like listening to, and again, it’s such a variety, and I wouldn’t want to choose even a top five because it leaves so much out. Give me a week to research songs and then maybe I could give you a top five. With movies, I’ve hardly seen enough to find a favorite! I don’t watch movies that often… it’s too hard for me to answer these questions.
During the moment when all this is going through my brain and I’m stressing myself out about it, the person who asked me this simple question is looking at me like, “What’s the problem?” When I don’t have answers, the conversation turns awkward and uncomfortable. I know you’re trying to connect with me by asking what my favorite movie is, but I don’t have an answer for you.
Small talk doesn’t interest me in general, but the average human still has to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. Another problem is when people ask me how I’m doing. I’ll tell you now, my response will be “good!” And that’s about it. I try to come up with more to say to add some variety so I’m not answering “How are you today Miranda?” with “good” every day, but usually I really am good… so that’s what I say. I’m usually calm and happy most of the time, so “good” is as much as you’re gonna get unless I try something like, “Very well, thank you, and yourself?” Unfortunately, this results in sounding too formal, which earns me some strange looks, when all I’m trying to do is say something other than “good.” I’m not trying to push people away or shut down the conversation by my short response. It’s just one of those small talk situations, where you don’t know if the person is looking for more than that.
Sometimes when I feel indifferent toward something, I ask myself a second time, just to make sure there’s not an opinion I could formulate before announcing my indifference. Indifference is a feeling that exists, so I think I should be permitted to feel it from time to time. I still hate choosing where to eat when a group of people is involved. Just have someone else pick, and I’ll be happy to eat where ever!
Sigh… Do you guys know what I’m talking about?
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