Hahaha. Or perhaps -
Get a trained police dog and make him smell all keys. Give distinctive smells to each key by rubbing them on ham, chicken, cabbage etc.
Get married to a very organized lady who will track and control everything (Warning: Has major side effects)
Carry a big 'Key carrier' hitched on to the belt (like some Indian women carry, hitched on to the waistline of their garments and attach elastic strings to keys
Keep everything always unlocked - who cares about keys! (Warning: Has dangerous side effects and won't work for car keys)
Hahahah. This is fun. You have a great quirky outlook on things @donkeypong. Respect.
Regards,
@vm2904