Dear Steemians,
it is certainly not an easy thing to deal with death. Especially if it's a close family member. I've recently lost my little brother ( at the of 19) and I would like to share the things I've went through and still going trough.
Just like with everything this process is different for everyone but I do believe there some universal things you can do to make it easier. I separated them into 4 simple steps.
Step 1 : Allow your Emotions to surface
I think emotions are part of who we are, even if it's misleading to live by your feelings and emotions. After a traumatic event you need to let them come to the surface. I don't think there are right or wrong feelings here. Often I feel like I'm going crazy especially if I start thinking about the things we can't share anymore. These moments lasts for a few seconds and then my brother's smiling face comes up saying 'You're sooo stupid' . Just like how he always told me :)
Then I think about all the things learned together and experiences we shared and then I just become calmer. But I know for a fact this method doesn't work for my mother she just gets angry. So I think there I different options here, trial and error are your friends here, try to find a method that helps calming you down in spiraling moments.
Step 2: Gather Support
Either if it's a therapist that could help you don't be ashamed to ask around. I found that speaking with family members helps a lot. There is just this big hole that is left in parts of my life where my brother used to be and those places can be filled up with different activities. Include your support 'team' in these activities. After all you're all sharing this experience together.
I tend to avoid speaking about this with friends as most of them tend to go and feel sorry me. And I think there is more beyond feeling sorry. I think death is just part of life either we accept it or not. Also make sure you can freely speak about this, avoid feeling like victim or if you do make sure you're able to snap out of it.
I also found Facebook groups and Reddit communities, at first I was skeptical but seeing that you're not alone and even sharing some thoughts with others helped me. I've found extremely friendly individuals in there.
Step 3: Allow the Grieving
There is no time limit on this. Don't try to speed things up or forcing them. You might have heard about the five stages of grief. Each of these stages are unique and they might not come in order and they may be revisited. The stages are:
Denial: You're practically in shock, there is a time when you question reality and everything, you may feel numb and unable to eat.
Anger: As you start to get a grip on what happened it's normal to feel anger and rage. This can be against you, your loved one, the doctors, the world, even God or everything at the same time.
Bargaining: Big questions come into play when you start thinking about 'what if'. You might even try to bargain with a higher power to change things.
Depression: The sadness that doesn't seem to end but it will at some point. At this point you might feel like everything is fallen apart and nothing will be the same. This is true, this has been life and this is life. Nothing stays the same.
Acceptance: The final stage. This means you are able to move on with your life but it doesn't mean you're forgetting sometimes you may revisit some of the stages but the pain will become more manageable.
Step 4: Live your Life
This is about rediscovering your own life. There is a point where you accept your new reality and you will find yourself able to move forward and enjoying life again.
The main thing you need to be kind to yourself. You need trust yourself that one day you will wake up with less pain and then you can move on.
Looking at my brother's belongings like his clothes can help me. He also gave me a few small items like rings and necklaces and when I'm missing him I put them on. I just know even though he is not physically here, he is in everything. He is in the air, in the trees, in the Sun and in Life in general.
Knowing that I will not see him again grants me strength to cherish all the memories we had and to know that everything comes to an end some day.
Have you ever lost someone? How did you deal with it? Did the pain ever go away?