How to do something, when you do not want to - but you need

in #life5 years ago

I do not like the expression "to force myself". In my opinion, you can not force yourself - you can only negotiate with yourself. Well, or to deceive - but this is not the best way out.

So, how to agree with yourself to do something that you clearly do not want to do? And it is so clearly necessary.
Some time ago I read in the blog of psychologist Heidi Halvorson about three simple reasons that prevent us from doing something, and the same (well, almost) simple solutions to these problems. And since time has shown that solutions (at least to me) are suitable - I hasten to share them.

Reason # 1: You postpone the case because you are afraid not to cope with it

Solution: instead of "fixing on achievements" use "fixation on loss prevention".

Explanation: you can look at each task from two perspectives. It's usually accepted to look like this - "I'll do it, and I'll get better / steeper / richer / healthier". This is a "fixation on reaching", when you are anticipating how you will be better when you achieve something.
The problem is that if you are afraid not to cope with the task, it does not make sense - you will not achieve anything. If you want, for example, to go in for sports, and subconsciously imagine the great sporting achievements that you are facing - you are simultaneously afraid of not reaching them.

Psychological studies show that one of the common reasons for postponing tasks is precisely the fear of not doing it.
But you can look at the problem from the other side: what happens if it is not done? Surely you will lose something. Do not do the job - lose your salary, or maybe a bonus. You do not need to get a gold medal at the Olympics - but if you do not do sports at all, you'll undermine your health. Set yourself up for "loss prevention", and this will become a good motivator.

Of course, this is not so easy and simple, but it's better to motivate yourself than to worry about what can go wrong, and as a result, do nothing.
Reason # 2: You postpone the task, because you have no mood.

Solution: ignore your feelings and moods, they only hinder you.

"I just cannot get up early," "I can not go to the gym" - such excuses are used too often. But in fact, no one has chained you to the bed. Before entering the fitness club you do not block the road of the bouncer. Physically, nothing prevents you - you simply "do not have the right mood". Ok, and who said that in order to do something, you need a suitable mood?

Think about it. For some reason it is believed that to achieve success you must necessarily have inspiration or mood. We must be determined to do what needs to be done. Is not this nonsense? In general, of course, you need more or less to wish for something - to become healthier, richer, stronger. But you do not need to feel the right mood all the time.

All successful people of creative professions - artists, writers (and many programmers also like to rank themselves as creative people) - they all achieved success by simply working for several hours a day. Regardless of your mood. As Chuck Close (an artist and photographer who continued to work even after partial paralysis of the body) said: "Inspiration is for beginning. All the rest just come and work. "

So, if you do not have the mood - this is not a reason. Nothing stops you.
Reason # 3: the task is too complicated, boring or unpleasant.

Solution: plan ahead of time.

As soon as time comes to do something very difficult, unpleasant, doubts come. "Maybe I'll do it next time. Or maybe it's not so necessary. And now there is something else that you can do. "

The problem is that if you start thinking about, doing or not doing something, when it's time to do it - you are setting yourself a double task. And decide on this, and then do it again. Decision making is a difficult task. It is necessary to include will power every time - and it, as you know, is not iron.

It is much easier to make planning based on a simple "if / ever" algorithm. "When the Sabbath comes, I'll clean up the apartment." "When I got up in the morning - I immediately do exercises." "If the boss forgets about my request to raise my salary, I will remind him at the meeting."

Making decisions in advance, you are already doing part of the work. It remains, when the right moment comes, just to fulfill your decision. You've already made up your mind - well, there's no room for doubt.

On my own, I want to add another trick that I use. Usually a person is too lazy to do something - usually you do not want to change the state, or switch to another task. I know that when I started doing something, it's just easier to continue. Therefore, every time I come across an unpleasant task or a task, I agree with myself - if I suddenly strongly do not want to continue it, I'll finish right there. "I'll start cleaning up the apartment from this room - if something wrong, I'll stop it."
Always, as a result, the task is brought to an end - "I have already started why to stop in halfway."

Well, at last I will note that if you wake up in the morning, with a smile looking forward to what you will be doing all day, if your business is growing imperceptibly, if you are surprised that a month has passed, and you have already managed to do so much - congratulations, you are happy human!

Good luck in all your endeavors, and may your strength of will be with you.




You got a 5.71% upvote from @bid4joy courtesy of @zirar!