Hello All,
As I sit in my new dazling and a bit cluttered house, energized but a bit frail. I wanted to come on Hive and start writing again. I wanted to spread the juciness of my life on Hive. In turn of the death of the many.. Tumblr, Steemit ( RIP). I don't want to write about my life since last post because one that is a lot of shit. I do want to write about the most important parts though. I want to share this with a specific audience.. And I know exactly what socials those will be on. For the last 4 years I have been falling in love. =)
You know those moments when you never thought, that it would be. like you can't seem to materialize or actualize a situation because its so out there. That is exactly what I was feeling. At the end of 2019 I planned a trip to Thailand with my cousins to also do a shoot for my album cover, that my friend in Thailand help me with. I'm just really that kind of person who seeks for adventure and wants to hermit for like a max of 2 weeks. I'm your modern day ambivert. So while all this was happening, I think a piece of me wanted to find myself. There was always this ambiguity in myself that I knew. I think I just needed a little taste of something in order to start it up. A little taste of gasoline to the engine as you may. My internal thoughts and feelings about my sexuality where not very clear, but were very aware. So I did a lot of searching for my childhood. thought I have already projected these feelings many times before. My Identity at the time was He/her , They/Them, I sound like a confused little shit... Which I was. The label of nonbinary laid on my back and so this trip kind of helped me further that.
Upon booking my flight and get everything prepped. I had booked a model that I saw on this really popular Youtube channel specified to asian news all over Asia. I really thought I'm pushing my luck with this women because of her popularity, but hey, try anything right? So I had informed my friend about it to do her Thai talk magic and ask her if she is open for a gig. By my ever wonderful surprise She said yes. I was so stoked I literally screamed and almost pee peed myself.
So fast forwarding a little to skip any boring parts. The shoot went really well and when I first open that door into the studio that she was at, I was shy as fuck. She was so tall and beautiful, slender but powerful. And while our shoot continued when she smiled at me, I think it was really nice in the form of kindness. Because nobody smiles that genuinely towards me in that way, I actually felt a little happiness ( along with some nervousness) and it made me feel so much more comfortable.
In a way, I had learned within those hours how to admire and fancy at the same time, my currently now girlfriend... part 2 coming soon